A Sunday Audition?

When the New Orleans Saints visit the Chicago Bears on Sunday afternoon to determine which NFC team will advance to the Super Bowl, do you think Bears Defensive Coordinator Ron Rivera will have in the back of his mind that the performance of his defense may well play a key factor in determining whether he will win the Steelers' head coaching job?

Does it ratchet up the already considerable pressure on him? Will it indirectly affect his preparations for the game or his in-game decision making?

Probably not, but these are fair questions.

After all, the Saints, who racked up nearly 500 yards against the Steelers’ defense yet somehow managed to lose the game, have a formidable offense that last week tallied, again, nearly 500 yards against the Philadelphia Eagles.

In the pressure-cooker of an NFC championship game at home in Chicago, how will the Rivera-led Bears defense hold up? How will they compare to the Steelers’ defense’s performance in their regular-season game against the Saints?

Is that even a fair comparison? Probably not.

Whatever the case, it has become clear the Steelers will wait until Monday, at least, to decide who will succeed Bill Cowher as the team’s head coach. The Steelers have no reason at this point to hurry their decision. It appears no other teams are clamoring for the services of either of the other two candidates, Mike Tomlin, defensive coordinator of the Minnesota Vikings, or Russ Grim, assistant head coach and offensive line coach of the Steelers.

So, the Steelers have the luxury to see how Rivera performs as he leads his squad in the glare of the national spotlight during Sunday’s conference championship game.

It will be no easy task.

As noted here in the week before the Steelers hosted the Saints on Nov. 12, the Saints’ offense has a deep corps of explosive receivers and running backs, a completely rebuilt yet effective offensive line and a smart, veteran leader in Drew Brees, who has emerged as one of the league’s elite quarterbacks.

So ... will defending against this squad in Sunday’s game represent, essentially, an audition for Ron Rivera as prospective head coach of the Steelers? How much weight will the Steelers’ management team put into this one game? If his defense flops, will he even get a second interview with the Steelers? Or has the decision been made already?

Some media pundits have concluded the Steelers have already opted to hire Russ Grimm. They’ve said the tell-tale sign is that the Steelers refused to allow Ken Whisenhunt, the new Arizona Cardinals head coach and former Steelers' offensive coordinator, to interview Steelers’ assistant coaches Keith Butler and Bruce Arians for positions on his staff. Isn’t it possible, however, that Steelers’ management had a discussion on this topic with Mike Tomlin? Isn’t it conceivable that Tomlin said he would like to retain most of the current assistants, including Butler and Arians?

Hey, at this point, anything’s possible.

Red Flag Warning: Keep in mind one thing with respect to both Rivera and Tomlin: Both coach defenses in the NFC North, which is arguably the NFL’s weakest division. The Bears are clearly the division’s best team, but that may be faint praise considering they are followed by the 6-10 Vikings, the non-descript Green Bay Packers and the abysmal Detroit Lions.

The better ― and more revealing — test for Rivera and the Bears defense will be on Sunday at Soldier Field against New Orleans.

Here come the Saints.

A Different Perspective

The Mighty MJD offers several, shall we say, "interesting" links on his "Cliff (Stoudt) Notes" page at the aol.Fanhouse.

And, with his "Letter From Tom Brady's Poodle," The Mighty MJD continues his ever-entertaining "Letters From Pets" series, the highlight of which, in our opinion, was the classic "A Letter From Joey Porter's Pit Bulls," which more or less served as the inspiration for this particular lame-ass blog. Keep up the good work, MJD. A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

A Little More Seriously

All righty, then.

The Steelers have interviewed Minnesota Vikings Defensive Coordinator Mike Tomlin a second time.

Some people would say the second interview of an NFL head coaching candidate essentially represents a job offer.

We disagree.

It does represent, however, a pretty serious second date.

There will be no third interview.

The next phone call from the Steelers to Mike Tomlin will either be a job offer or an expression of thanks and best wishes.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls had never heard of the guy until a few weeks ago. Having gotten to know a little about him through media reports these past few days, however, he seems likeable enough. He's a Tony Dungy protégé. Tony Dungy was a Chuck Noll protégé, and what’s not to like about that?

Based on what we heard during a press conference last evening following his second interview, Tomlin says all the right things.

Still, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls remain skeptical.

It’s one thing to say all the right things during a job interview or a press conference. It’s another to actually do the job.

As noted today by Ed Bouchette in The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Tomlin’s Vikings’ defense this past year ranked first in the NFL against the run, but it tied for last against the pass. Granted, this is always a dicey equation and cannot necessarily be taken at face value.

More interesting, perhaps, is the Vikings’ pass rush stats for quarterback sacks — a mere 30 — a total that is below the league average of 36.4.

That’s with a 4-3 defense. What does it all mean? We have no idea.

Yet Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls are beginning to wonder if it might not be time for the Steelers to switch from their existing 3-4 defense to a 4-3. The Steelers’ linebacking foursome this past year showed serious signs of deterioration, especially at the outside pass-rush positions. We expect the linebacking corps to be rebuilt very soon – perhaps this offseason.

Plus, it’s entirely conceivable that a core front four of Brett Kiesel, Chris Hoke, Casey Hampton and Aaron Smith would be highly effective. So, it seems, the Steelers might have the base personnel to switch to a 4-3 defense, even if it raises the following (major) question: Would that entail switching James Farrior to an outside linebacker position and having Larry Foote man the MLB position? Again, no idea.

Still, there is another reason to consider switching to a 4-3 defense: The Steelers divisional rivals have built their respective offenses to defend – yes, that’s the appropriate word – defend — against the Steelers’ brand of 3-4 defense. It’s time to cross them up.

We’re not really sure what else to say at this point, so we’ll leave the last word for this entry to Mike Tomlin:

“I'm a fundamentalist as opposed to scheme. I think football is a tough-man's game, it's an attrition game. You win by stopping the run and being able to run the ball effectively — and doing the things winners do, being a detailed-oriented football team, playing with great passion and executing.”

No Grimm Puns Here

All right, all right: We know.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls are overdue for weighing in with our worthless opinions on the Steelers’ coaching situation.

There’s just not much to say.

The Steelers’ next head coach will be Russ Grimm.

Unless …

Unless it’s Ron Rivera of the Chicago Bears or Mike Tomlin of the Minnesota Vikings.

If, in fact, the choice is either Rivera or Tomlin – both of whom are defensive coordinators – what would that mean for Dick LeBeau, the Steelers’ own highly respected and well-established defensive coordinator?

We can’t believe an incoming coach – any coach – would not want Dick LeBeau as his defensive coordinator. Both Rivera and Tomlin, however, apparently are proponents of schemes different than what the Steelers have been running under LeBeau. But that’s not to say LeBeau couldn’t adjust to a new coach, or vice-versa.

Perhaps the Steelers’ brass simply wants an infusion of outside blood? Do they want to completely revamp the Steelers’ style of play? Perhaps they believe the 70-year-old LeBeau plans to retire in a year or two, anyway, so now is as good a time as any to make a complete overhaul?

Nah. We think not.

Russ Grimm knows this team, he would retain most (if not all) of the remaining assistant coaches and, by all accounts, he is more than well-qualified for the job. Finally, as noted here previously, he was “Assistant Head Coach” under Bill Cowher, which made him second in line of command and, presumably, the logical successor to Cowher, even though Ken Whisenhunt, as offensive coordinator, was the more publicly high-profile assistant coach.

It’ll be Russ Grimm. And we’re okay with that. We think.

Designing Content for PDAs, the iPhone and Other Small Screens

With the buzz generated by last week's iPhone announcement, Creativepro.com weighs in with a pragmatic consideration for those of us who develop Web content for people who use mobile devices such as Treos, Blackberries and other PDAs, not to mention the soon-to-be-launched iPhone.

Resentful

All right. Let’s get this straight. I am grateful to be employed. Nobody owes me a living or, for that matter, the observance of a national holiday.

Having said that, I resent having to work today. It is, after all, a National Holiday.

Either observe it as such, or let’s have an open discussion of just what constitutes a national holiday.

Let’s see … where do we draw the line? Oh, that whole Civil Rights Movement? Just a footnote in history, right?

Martin Luther King, Jr. represents the figurehead for whom this holiday is acknowledged (at least in academia and government), yet this particular day really is in recognition of the struggle for civil rights in this country.

There was a day, not so long ago, when the fathers and mothers of my friends and neighbors of color were referred to either as “nigger” or “colored.” Hopefully, those days are gone, forever, in no small part because of the civil rights movement.

It's just my opinion, but the Civil Rights Movement does, indeed, merit a day of reflection.

All I'm saying is, let’s remember what this particular holiday signifies.

Many American companies, however, including the one for whom I work, require their employees to work today. It's as if the day ... and the Civil Rights Movement ... doesn't count. Not in the grand scheme of American commerce.

I suppose what drove it home for me was that one of my clients, a British company with offices in the United States, is observing this day as the American holiday that is. Officially.

Frankly, I feel badly for my friends and co-workers of color who, like me, have to work today.

It is, after all, a national holiday.

Think Tank, Schmtink Tank

Ray Charles could've seen this coming.
And just who are "America's Enemies?"

Back From Mad Ave.

Interesting; productive; fun.

Intellectually engaging client.

Scary Headline of the Day

"Cheney To Hunt in Westmoreland County Today"

It just shows to go ya:

"Those who do not learn the lessons
of history are doomed to repeat it."

There's Something Wrong With This Picture

Courtesy of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the photograph shown above depicts skanky talentless slut pop chanteuse Christina Aguilera doing an Anna Nicole Smith serenading billionaire egomaniac businessman Joe Hardy, founder of the 84 Lumber chain of hardware stores, at his 84^th birthday party. Get it? The celebration also included performances by Robin Williams, Bette Midler and a cast of the Broadway musical “A Chorus Line.” Gee, we didn’t know Joe Hardy was gay. Not that there’s anything wrong … but then again, where's she going with her hand? No wonder he's smiling!

Decisions, Decisions

Just an uninformed observation, and then on to the NFL: Isn’t it ironic that, at a glance, the Bush’s administration plan for Iraqi economic stabilization entails what appears to be a $1 billion (?!) FDR-style, WPA-like plan to create jobs through a public works program. It’s ironic because the Bush administration has been trying to marginalize, if not undo, the impact of FDR’s Depression-era policies ever since it took office.

Now, on to more salient issues of the day (at least for us) …

Like all good mechanisms, the NFL represents the sum of its inter-related parts. Nothing operates in a vacuum. For Steelers’ fans, fond as we are of navel-gazing and (currently) agonizing over whether franchise management will select (as Head Coach Bill Cowher’s replacement) either Assistant Head Coach Russ Grimm or Offensive Coordinator Ken Whisenhunt (or even a wild card outsider such as Ron Rivera, defensive coordinator of the Chicago Bears), it’s interesting to note what happened in Atlanta over the weekend.

The Atlanta Falcons named the University of Louisville’s Bobby Petrino as the team’s new head coach. This is worth noting and bears watching on a number of levels:

1) First, it eliminates the Steelers’ Ken Whisenhunt as a candidate for the Falcons’ job, for which he was widely considered a front-runner for the following reasons: First and foremost, he’s a bright and seriously accomplished young coach who will get his shot this year at a head coaching position somewhere in the NFL. Additionally, because he attended Georgia Tech, and because he and his wife are from the Atlanta area, the Falcon’s job presumably would have been attractive to him, especially if the Steelers offered their head coaching position to another candidate.

2) Second, both Petrino and Whisenhunt last year reportedly were offered head coaching jobs in the NFL, or at least were serious candidates. Both declined their respective opportunities. Under Petrino, the University of Louisville has over the past few years and has correspondingly plowed enormous sums of money into it, including investments in a brand new stadium and other facilities, in addition to recruiting, staff, assistants and marketing. Keep in mind that based on Louisville’s gigundous offer last year to Petrino, it looked like Petrino had made the decision that Louisville was the place where he wanted to make his legacy as a lifelong, big-time college coach, which is not necessarily a bad legacy to have. No, sirreee, not at all ... if that’s what you want to do. Louisville’s contract with Petrino thus made it necessary for Atlanta to offer Petrino an even more sumptuous offer: $24 million over five years, plus lavish perks and (presumably) ancillary inducements such as decision-making freedom and the budgets to hire the assistants he wants and the free-agent talent (cap allowing) that he desires.

3) As for Whisenhunt, who declined the Oakland Raiders’ offer last year to become that moribund franchise's head coach, the speculation following that decision was that Bill Cowher had informed him of his own plans to resign following the 2006 season, opening the way for Whiz to become the de facto leading candidates as the Steelers’ head coach this off-season. That was (speculatively) one reason for him to decline the head coaching position in Oakland last off-season. The other reasons, not surprisingly, included the lack of talent in Oakland and, probably even more so, the penurious control-freak owner (Al Davis) and the small-minded management team that is stuck in a “Pride ‘n Poise” time warp that would seriously cramp any head coach’s ability to succeed in Oaktown. Thank you, Art Shell, for your efforts in 2006.

4) Now, a question: Why did Atlanta reach into the college ranks (historically risky) to hire its head coach instead of selecting somebody (Whisenhunt) more familiar with the ways of the NFL and who, incidentally, had his fingerprints all over the 2005 Super Bowl winner and orchestrated a top 10 offense in 2006? (yeah, we know, it’s hard to believe)? The answer: Michael Vick. It’s no secret Michael Vick is a coach killer. Hell, Jim Mora, Sr., the father of Vick’s most recent coach, Jim Mora, Jr., said it himself on the radio airwaves during the season. Vick has talent, and throughout his career, his head coaches have tried to harness and channel that talent. Give Jim Mora, Jr. credit: He tried to install a style of offense conducive to Vick’s talent. Mora fils seemed to be using as a model Hall of Famer Steve Young, who had many attributes similar to Michael Vick’s – both, left-handed, mobile quarterbacks who could potentially exploit the best attributes of the West Coast offense. Coincidentally, Jim Mora, Sr. coached Steve Young for a couple of years in the now long-defunct USFL, where Young could learn the West Coast offense without anybody paying much attention. Vick has had no such under-the-radar training ground. He has had to try learn the Mora system in the harsh, unforgiving spotlight of the NFL, and he has not had much success. Atlanta, however, has so much invested in Vick that the franchise is stuck with him. So, instead of trying to make Vick fit a “system,” it is bringing in Petrino to fit a system to Vick. Which system? Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls speculate that we can fully expect it to be one with which Petrino is extremely familiar: The spread-option offense perfected by Petrino’s rival, West Virginia University Head Coach Rich Rodriguez with QB Pat White, who like Vick is left-handed, passes adequately well -- sometimes -- and is an incredible running quarterback. Will it work in the NFL? Maybe, for a while, until opposing defenses figure it out. But it seems like Atlanta is willing to try one last-ditch attempt to salvage something of its disastrous draft-day trade of a few years ago when it sacrificed two draft picks -- which became QB Drew Brees, a front-runner for this year’s NFL MVP, and LaDanian Tomlinson, the actual winner of this year’s NFL MVP Award -- for the rights to select Vick with the first overall pick in that year’s NFL draft.

5) Which brings us back to the Steelers’ decision on a new head coach: Choices, choices; decisions, decisions. There are pros and cons, of course, to Messrs. Grimm, Whisenhunt, Rivera, et al. Just one observation: In last year’s coaching hierarchy (organizational chart), it was Russ Grimm who was Assistant Head Coach. This title made him second in line of command to Cowher, although as offensive line coach, he was presumably subservient to Whisenhunt’s role as offensive coordinator. Hmmm. Verry interesting, verr-ry interesting.

Pardon the Interruption

Sorry about that. Having been chastised for neglecting Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls, we are back.

Let’s see-e-e … much has happened since our last missive:

James Brown passed on to that great stage in the sky, where no doubt he is putting on a SHOW for the angels and saints. “Hallelujah!” As Jake in The Blues Brothers, exclaimed, “I see the light!”

It’s an understatement to say James Brown was prolific in his output of great music over the years. Not only his hits that are familiar to everyone — Sex Machine, Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag, Night Train, and on an on — but also his more obscure work.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls, for example, has a double-CD of studio instrumentals by James Brown’s band, and it is awesome. Being all instrumentals, James Brown doesn’t sing, but he does contribute the occasional grunt and “Eeeow-w-w!!!” It’s just another example of how he worked with great musicians and, in many cases, made them even better, and more professional than they might have been otherwise.

And we may accept the Final Word from the man himself:

“It’s a man’s man’s man’s world,
But it ain’t nuthin’ … without a woman or a girl.”

• The Steelers’ disappointing season ended on a winning note, with the best part being they beat the thug Bengals in a game the Bungles absolutely had to win for a chance to make the playoffs. We'll take it. Both teams finished 8-8, which gives us some modicum of satisfaction because Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls hate the Bungles and their cast of loathsome miscreants. Fast Willie Parker, God bless him, contributed 134 yards rushing, along with two touchdowns, to conclude a superb season of nearly 1,500 yards rushing and 16 touchdowns (a franchise record). And he was named the team’s MVP. Congrats, Willie. We’ve been rooting for you since you since you first showed up as an undrafted free agent rookie given a slim chance to make the team. You are our favorite Steeler.

• Christmas came and went. Christmas Day itself was fine, as Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls hosted the family and others for a splendid feast and accompanying merriment.
  

• The week after Christmas was a serious letdown marked by dolor, melancholy, ennui, dispiritedness, slack depression and acute loneliness, probably all triggered by a disturbing image planted in one’s brain by a troubling Christmas Eve phone call that totally fucked with one’s head. We did not need that. Enough of that.

• We did nothing of note on New Year’s Eve, and the New Year arrived unceremoniously.

• The Pirates signed Jose “K” Hernandez, the “K” standing for strikeout since the man does that a lot, a whole lot.

• We returned to work, and it seems like we should be in, say, March already. Damn.

• And, last but not least, Bill Cowher, in all his solipsistic disquietude, continued to give every indication he’s about to resign as Steelers head coach. Quitter. Get over yourself, already, Bill, and make your announcement, so we can move on.

And that’s exactly what we’re going to do. We’re gonna move on. Kind of like James Brown.

Joey Porter: PR Mastermind

Over at Just Sayin', GW9K praises Joey Porter's business acumen and public relations savvy in the post titled, "Who put this thing together? Me, that's who!"

Also, the good folks at Sportsocracy weigh in with their opinion, and it is certainly worth considering.

With A Bow On Top

We’re at kind of an in-between dead spot in the Steelers season, so let’s have more fun with holiday season television commercials.

Ranking right up there on the annoyance meter and vying with jewelry store spots for Top Spot in the Cloying Category are the annual spate of holiday-season luxury-car-as-gift commercials.

You know the ones: Lexus, BMW, Infiniti, Mercedes, Volvo … all nice cars, but let’s get real: Nobody is going to give Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls a car.

Check that. A long time ago, somebody actually did give Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls a car.

God bless Mrs. Edith Alexander, may she rest in peace. As a kid growing up in Shadyside, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls were neighbors to the elderly Mrs. Alexander and her husband, Tom. Both were distinguished, genteel and scholarly professors at Carnegie Mellon University. Mrs. Alexander was one of the first women to graduate from Harvard University, and she was the first woman dean of CMU’s Margaret Morrison College.

She had cocktails every afternoon at 4 p.m.

Eventually, she decided she decided it was time to start giving stuff, like her Harvard Classics Five Foot Shelf of Books, away, mostly to me.

And, in time, it no longer made sense for her to drive.

So she gave me her car.

It was a Plymouth Volare.

Have you finished laughing? It’s okay, go ahead.

Finished? All right, good.

The car was primer gray in color. It was 10 years old and had 5,000 miles on the odometer. And it had a red, perforated cardboard interior ceiling.

Upon taking ownership, I called my buddy Dale, tough guy and a smartass, too, and told him my neighbor gave me a car. I didn’t tell him what type or make.

I just said, “Hey, man, you’ll see soon enough. Be outside your place at 7:30 sharp. We’ll cruise around a bit.”

Later, Dale told his side of the story: “So, I’m sitting there, front step, smokin’ a joint, waiting. From down the street, off in the distance, I hear what sounds like singing. ‘Voh-lar-ayyy, ooh-oh-ohh-oh. Can-tar-ay-y-y, ohh-oh-ho-oh.’ I look up and halfway down the block I see this asshole leaning out the window of this butt-ugly, puke gray Volare drive up, stop, and say, “Well? Whaddya think??”

Fast forward. Last Christmas morning, I’m up at daylight and out for a morning walk with Myron and Mongo (my dogs, not Joey Porter’s). Myron, Mongo and I are fortunate to live on a nice street in a nice neighborhood. We circle the block and come up on the house next door and behind my place on the corner. Our neighbor’s home is a beautiful, gracious old house with a three-car garage and short driveway that will accommodate three vehicles, but only one car was sitting in the driveway — a sleek, brand new, silver-gray Lexus sedan … with an enormous red bow on its roof.

I couldn’t help but wonder what Mrs. Alexander would think.

And, somehow, I kept seeing that Lexus morph into a primer-gray Volare.

With a bow on top.

Postscript: Much later, the woman who became the future Mrs. Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls refused to ride in the Volare and didn’t want me to be seen in it, either. She really hated everything about the car, especially the red perforated ceiling. I kept threatening to soup up the Volare and turn it into a muscle car, but I eventually lost interest and got another vehicle. It seemed like too much trouble to sell the Volare, and I simply stopped driving it. It was parked on the street where we lived in Wilkinsburg and eventually it disappeared. I didn’t file a complaint with the police. Some time later, I saw some old cat driving it around as a jitney hack serving Wilkinsburg and Homewood. I hope it served him well.

One more thing: Other people share our wonderment at the whole genre of luxury-car-as-gift ads.

To Die For

In an article headlined, “Gem Sellers Launch Blitz Against Blood Diamond” the trade publication Ad Age reports the World Diamond Council has launched a $15 million “public relations” campaign to quash open discussion negativity associated with the diamond trade.

According to Ad Age, “South Africa-based DeBeers, which markets more than 40% of the world's diamonds, has been front and center in the PR efforts.”

The new movie Blood Diamond opened a few days ago against the juxtaposition of a holiday-season torrent of incessant and mind-numbing advertising by exploitative retail jewelry chain stores like Zales, Kay Jewelers and the most insipid and embarrassed of them all, Jared, which was apparently named after the guy in the Subway commercial.

“The film makes its debut,” notes Ad Age, “during the heaviest selling season for the $60 billion-a-year worldwide diamond industry …Watchdogs think a powerful Hollywood film that's well-received could be the diamond business’ worst nightmare, causing a boycott of the gems that movies and TV shows for years have glamorized.”

As Ben Harper sang, “She’s got di-a-monds on-n the in-side.”

Many Happy Returns

Congratulations, Devin Hester, for your NFL-record SIXTH return for a touchdown this year. Man, that is a serious accomplishment. You were dynamite at the University of Miami, and you are even more so in your rookie season with the Chicago Bears.

Very impressive, indeed.

For the past two/three years, Devin Hester was the best and certainly the most highly visible kick returner in the college game. He dabbled at wide receiver, defensive back and running back, but the real value he brought to his team was as a breakaway kick returner.

In March and April 2006, however, most NFL scouts and draftniks summarily dismissed him as a “player without a position” and projected him as a fourth-round draft pick.

Kudos to the Bears for recognizing the value of an explosive return game and jumping up to take him in the second round. That surprised pretty much everybody.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls suspect the Steelers had their eye on the young Mr. Hester and wanted to draft him to replace Antwaan Randle-El as the primary kick returner … but we also suspect the Bears recognized this and acted aggressively to beat the Steelers to this draft pick.

This, we surmise, had a ripple effect on the Steelers draft tactics: After the Bears drafted Devin Hester, the Steelers panicked and drafted another player without a position: Willie Reid, the very raw wide receiver from Florida State, in the third round, primarily to return kicks.

Do we want to review how well that worked out? Didn’t think so.

So let’s get right to it.

For some reason, Steelers Head Coach Bill Cowher, in the solipsist disquietude of consciousness, sat Willie Reid in the early games of the season in favor of Retardo Ricardo Coughley and Santonio Holmes, both of whom demonstrated an uncanny ability to fumble repeatedly.

When Willie Reid finally saw his first game action, he returned one punt for 11 yards and promptly sustained an injured foot that ended his season.

Congratulations to all.

He Went to Jared? The Guy in the Subway Commercials? (part deux)

No Steelers game on Sunday, so let’s see … let’s take a look at other forms of entertainment like, say, cinema and television commercials.

The new film Blood Diamond, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and the estimable Jennifer Connelly, is out and was reviewed in the local paper over the weekend.

A blood diamond is a diamond mined in a war zone and sold to finance war efforts, frequently those of warlord factions in places like Sierra Leone, Angola, Liberia and the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). Kanye West has weighed in on this issue in his song, “Diamonds from Sierra Leone.”

Apparently, DeBeers Group, which controls the majority of the diamond trade, has expressed its unhappiness with Blood Diamond and Warner Bros.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls have yet to see Blood Diamond, but if you are one of the two or three people who have visited this site, you know one of our pet peeves is the incessant inundation of holiday-season jewelry store commercials.

The Christmas Ape from Kissing Suzy Kolber opined eloquently on this topic a few weeks ago, and we have ranted, as well. The timing of the release of Blood Diamond is in stark juxtaposition to the pre-Christmas airing of all the inane commercials from places like Zale’s, Kay Jewelers and Jared.

Jared? No, not the guy from the Subway commercials, but I always think of Subway when I see the commercials for Jared, the jewelers, which are probably the most annoying of any poisoning the airwaves.

They meretriciously pander to the basest level of audience idiocy; not to mention, the quality of diamonds you’ll be getting from these types of mass chain store, mall-based stores is subpar, as noted by The Christmas Ape.

So, diamonds are a girl’s best friends? Sure.

A long time ago in a land far, far away, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls decided it was time.

We didn’t even own a car at the time, but off we went to Bailey Banks & Biddle to dutifully buy the engagement rock that cost about as much as a good used car. A really good used car.

Afterwards, on a work-related photo shoot, we mentioned the purchase to Harry the photographer and goofily said, “What have I got to lose?”

Harry got real quiet and pensive, and he paused before saying ominously, “Everything.”

We looked at each other, and he said earnestly, “Having been there, I can tell you this is not a step to be taken lightly. You can lose everything. Money, sure, but that’s the least of it. Peace of mind.

"And, the worst thing, time. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll never get back the time you put into it.”

You know what? He was right.

And if she hasn’t done so already, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls hope she sells that damn diamond and buys herself a good used car.

Oh, and by the way: A recently published book, “Blood from Stones,” links al-Qaeda to diamonds. According to the book, al-Qaeda is likely using the hard-to-trace diamonds in place of cash, in various transactions to fund its activities around the world and to counter legislation on seizing terrorist-associated bank accounts.

Just something to think about, Jared.

NO, not the guy in the Subway commercials.

From The Land of Honk

Dogs are the best, even better than
"second grade vocabulary indicators."

A Brief Encounter

The Mighty MJD caught this little exchange between Joey Porter and Kellen Winslow II (Jr.?), the soldier, before the game.

Fast Willie Parker. A very cool breeze.
Breezing right in, thank you Fresh Air Lover.
Joey Porter's Pit Bulls have always found it ee-zee to root for young Mr. Parker. Like most folks, we like The Underdog, so we've very much liked Willie ever since the preseason of his rookie year, when we have a Distinct Memory of sitting Bolt Upright when Willie "Turned the Corner" on one of his first carries in a meaningless August game against the Carolina Panthers.
Then we learned that his coach at The University of North Carolina wouldn't let him advance past third string, for some unspecified reason.
Joey Porter's Pit Bulls can relate.
Whether that was the coach's stupidity or pettiness (the same thing?), it doesn't matter.
Joey Porter's Pit Bulls salute Willie Parker for his accomplishments.
Sheez, Fast Willie is FAST. The other thing that makes him easy to root for, is that he's so down to earth, self-deprecating and humble. For the longest time, he was reluctant to embrace the moniker "Fast Willie," which was laid on him for obvious reasons. He thought it made him sound shady, like Fast Willy Loman.
Also, we like him for honoring his father. He gave his Super Bowl ring to his father.
Yeah, Willie, we like you, for all kinds of reasons.
Congratulations on your second 200-yard rushing game of the season, and that is a very rare thing.
By the way, would it not be interesting to have a third 200 yard game of the season?

One of Those Days

Dec. 7, 1941. “A day that will live in infamy.”

Yes, indeed.

Much like Nov. 22, 1963 and Sept. 11, 2001, Dec. 7, 1941 was one of those days. A tipping point in history.

Yes, a tipping point that altered the course of history — both on a macro scale in world events and on a micro scale in the personal lives of so many people.

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon in Pittsburgh. With their wedding scheduled for Dec. 27, my parents were readying for their life together. As natives of Johnstown, Pa., they were preparing to move to Pittsburgh. My father had a job lined up and, on the afternoon of Dec. 7, they left the Shadyside apartment for which they had just signed a lease and went on to hear the news on the radio.

Pearl Harbor.

My father turned to my mother and said, “I’m going to get drafted, so I might as well enlist.”

He tried, but he was turned down as a 4-F deferment because of a hernia.

He told my mother he was going to get drafted anyway. He did.

As a smart guy, he was assigned to Army Intelligence. Which, of course, is the classic oxymoron, so he was mistakenly put on a train and shipped to camps in Arkansas and Tennessee before the Army figured out its mistake and reeled him back to Philadelphia.

In Philadelphia, he went to work as an undercover agent infiltrating German bunds and busting saboteurs planning to blow up Philadelphia’s rail and ship yards. He was a member of the Army’s Counter Intelligence Corps (CIC), which apparently was a precursor to the CIA. He could have had a career in the Army or the CIA.

When the war ended, however, he retired from the Army.

He just wanted to go home.

Running Downhill

Ugh, these guys again. So soon.

Who cares, you say?

WHO CARES?!?!?!
It's Browns vs. Steelers.
That's all that needs to be said.

Let’s put this in historical context:
1966: Cleveland 41, Pittsburgh 10

Quote from Cleveland fullback Ernie Green:
“It was like running downhill.”

Enough!

Despite impassioned objections from Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls, Chevy’s series of truck commercials featuring John Mellencamp’s odious “My Country” is following us around.

It’s bad enough that the ubiquitous spots interrupt and taint our enjoyment of NFL football to the point of ad nauseum, but when we’re inundated with them while watching a military history program on the History Channel at 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday, enough is enough!

Leave us in peace to watch a program about war. It’s all we’ve got.

Comings and Goings

Duce Staley, we hardly knew ya.

Walt Harris? See ya!

Et tu, Bill Cowher, after the end of the season?

Chidi Iwuoma, a hearty welcome back! We’ve missed you.

And these latest roster moves (Duce, gone; Chidi returns) beg the question: What if the Steelers had simply cut Duce and retained Chidi at the end of training camp?

What if, indeed, in this, the winter of our discontent.

Levinas Says ...

“The solipsist disquietude of consciousness, seeing itself in all its adventures, a captive of itself, comes to an end here: true exteriority is in this gaze which forbids my conquest. Not that conquest is beyond my too weak powers, but I am no longer able to have power, Je ne peux plus pouvoir.”

That's fucking money.

Why Are We Not Surprised?

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls like Plex and all, but when he was with the Steelers, he had a maddening tendency to ... well, let's just say, he'd get lackadaisical at the oddest moments.

Here's what Michael Strahan had to say about Plex Burress quitting on a crucial play in last Sunday's devastating loss to the Tenn Titans:

"It's a shame," Strahan said on the radio Monday. "You can't give up. You can't quit, because you're not quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on us … we work too hard to have that type of stuff happen. I don't quite understand what his lack of motivation is in those types of situations. But I'm going to try to see what it is, and if I can talk to him about it. He's too good for that."

After making those comments during a radio interview on Monday, Strahan pretty much denied the statements and tried to intimidate an ESPN reporter during a press conference later in the week. Flubby at Kissing Suzy Kolber calls out Strahan in an impassioned and, not surprisingly, well-written post.

Gone

"I've been getting a lot of contacts about it; I've heard about it," Cowher said Wednesday, according to the Associated Press. "But I've got a job here."

Yeah, sure, you have a job here. Today. And we have some real estate in Raleigh we’d be happy to sell ya.

Actually, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls heard from a “good source” back in December 2005, before the Steelers won the Super Bowl, that a friend of a friend has a daughter who is a friend of one of Bill Cowher’s daughters … who revealed that no matter what happened with the rest of the 2005 season, Mr. Bill was planning to buy a home in the Raleigh area and move on to his alma mater, North Carolina State, as the head football coach and Athletic Director ... sort of a Joe Paterno type of job. But it would be a nice, low-pressure position at a basketball-first school in an area where he has connections and present the opportunity for him to stamp his imprimatur as possibly a turn-around artist. Or not.

Check it Out

Check out Just Sayin' ... and the Nov. 29 entry evaluating areas of need the Steelers may need to address in 2007.

He Went to Jared? The Guy in the Subway Commercials?

If you are one of the two or three people who visit Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls, you probably also read Kissing Suzy Kolber. A belated tip of the hat to The Christmas Ape, who penned a fine opine on the incessant Christmas-season chain-jewelry commercials. We couldn’t have said it better ourselves, so we won’t …

"Worse still are the omnipresent holiday jewelry ads. These are the most cynical and insulting things on TV, save maybe beer commercials, and not just to women. But unlike beer commercials, they don't have the saving grace of being occasionally funny. The men are all gawking, emasculated, clueless submorons while the women are calculating, hypermaterialistic rockfiends who can only be appeased by being handed a diamond locket in front of a roaring fireplace with a tinkling piano overlay every fifteen minutes leading up to December 25. The fundamental problem I have with them is that they operate under the notion that anyone is stupid enough to have a clear preference in crappy chain jewelry stores. I mean, you're getting something substandard regardless."

Never Mind

So we were wrong. Sue us. The less said about this one, the better.

Looking Forward

It’s Ravens Week. Which means it’s Browns Week Redux, since the Ravens are the Original Browns, having been violently uprooted and transplanted to Bal’more in 1996 … after that turd Robert Irsay violently uprooted and transplanted the Baltimore Colts in 1984 to Indianapolis, in the dead of night, literally. Not to be bitter.

Anyway, we digress.

Okay, let’s get this straight: Baltimore’s defense can be exploited.

The question is, “Do the Steelers have the personnel (wide receivers) and schemes (spread offense) to do it?”

And the answer is, “Yes”

That is, “If they have the balls to do it.”

Attack, that is, repeatedly and aggressively, and once again, the answer should be, “Yes.”

The Ravens’ defense was constructed specifically to defeat the Steelers … the Steelers of the Jerome Bettis era, that is.

The Ravens defense is built from the inside out, with two brutes in the middle up front, and other talented personnel: Adalius Thomas is a major force at linebacker; Trevor Pryce and Terrell Suggs are speed rushers (and the Steelers have had problems with that type of pass rusher); Bart Scott has emerged as a fine player; Chris McAllister is a an opportunistic ball hawk at corner and Ed Reed is arguably the second-best safety in the league, behind a certain individual of Samoan descent.

Still. It used to be that the way to beat the Ravens was to run right at Ray Lewis, who is a thug but a punk, too.

However, this year’s Steelers offense, like it or not, is a speed offense.

So they might as well use it, as they did in the fourth quarter at Cleveland.

The Ravens’ front seven can be exploited with speed, misdirection, spread formations, no-huddle looks, etc.

The Steelers can win this game, if they don’t let the Ravens’ defense dictate the tempo and tone of the game. The Steelers can and should use quick counts, short drops and rollouts to keep the Ravens off-balance by torturing their weak spot, which is a lack of depth in the secondary, and one particular cornerback who is well past his prime — Samari Rolle. This could be a breakout game for Santonio Holmes. Just sayin’.

Let’s not overlook something, though. This game may well hinge on special teams, and, with B.J. Sams, the Ravens have one of the best return men in the league. The Steelers have to figure out a way to snuff punt and kickoff returns. Hey! Jeff Reed! Chris Gardocki! Coverage and return teams! Get your axe together!

When the Ravens have the ball, expect to see a lot of Steve McNair to Derrick Mason and Todd Heap, both of whom are fine receivers. But the Steelers’ defense should be able to contain the Baltimore offense, which has been performing better lately, since Brian Billick took over play-calling duties. As painful as that is to admit.

And therein lays hope. Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls have every reasonable expectation that Brian Billick, the offensive genius, will outsmart himself on Sunday. We don’t know how, when or in what way he’ll do it … but we fully expect him to outsmart himself.

The Steelers will win this game.

Oh, and one other thing: This is our country. Congratulations.

Nov. 22, 1963: A Tipping Point

Like Dec. 7, 1941 and Sept. 11, 2001,
Nov. 22, 1963 was one of those days.

If you're ever in Dallas, we recommend
that you make time to visit the
Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza.

Oh, and there's this tidbit, as noted on
A Large Regular:

"Kennedy was shot on this day and buried at Arlington National Cemetary on the 25th. The 25th is also John F. Kenney Jr.'s birthday (born 1960). Can you imagine going through life having your birthday being the same anniversary of the day your father was laid to rest?"

Oops. 49ers receiver Bryant 'belligerent' in drunken-driving arrest

Pitt alumnus (?), former Cleveland Brownie and

occasional hothead Antonio Bryant is in trouble with the law.

Sorry to hear that, Antonio.
We've always admired you for throwing
a sweaty practice jersey straight
at Bill Parcell's frothing mug.

Mondesi's House Goes Off

Mondesi's House lists more than a few annoying things about sports. Joey Porter's Pit Bulls concur with just about all of 'em. Funny stuff.

“Kramer Is Who We THOUGHT He Was”

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls love the Kanye West headline at this post, which is worth a read. And we like the last line at this post about Michael Richards committing career suicide, and this thoughtful column, as well.

Mistakes by the Lake

For the Steelers, more special teams gaffes, another interception returned for a touchdown, costly penalties once again ... hell.

And Joey Porter got punk'd, by Kellen Winslow II (Jr.?), the soldier. At this point, the less said, the better.

Wait ... 32 seconds to go ... Willie Parker!!!

And how they lost, uh, won this game ...

Three long fourth-quarter drives.

Hines Ward and Big Ben: Tough guys. And Clutch Willie Parker. Snatching victory from the Dawg Pound Jaws of Defeat. Still, this one was fugly.

Oh, and Braylon Edwards, regarding your pre-game statement:

"You don't beat somebody 41-0 at their own house."

Uh, yeah, well, actually they did. And the Steelers just beat you again, 24-20, with you flailing at the ball in the end zone on the last play of the first half and at the end of the game. Fool. And your Michigan Wooferines team lost to The Ohio State University over the weekend, too. Loser.

And, that last play ... yes, God really does hate Cleveland sports.

Ho-ho-ho

Fond memories of last Christmas Eve, and they didn't even mention James Harrison's body slam of a drunken Browns fan who misguidedly wandered onto the field.

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls Go To The Dawg Pound

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls love the Dawg Pound.

It’s not that we’re combative or anything … but it’s just so much fun to encounter guys with dog masks who think they’re BAD; and then, despite ourselves, stay out of jail.

The real Dawg Pound died with Municipal Stadium, just as the old Browns franchise died when Art Modell highjacked it to Baltimore. Prick.

We haven’t been to the new Browns Stadium, which looks nice, but take our word for it, Municipal Stadium was not nice. Anything but.

“Barely controlled riot” would be the words to describe the Dawg Pound during Steelers-Browns games. Never mind the disgusting, overflowing restrooms. Never mind the continuing jawing and woofing between fans from Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Never mind the distractions, such as the periodic incursions of uniformed police that would snap attention from the action on the field — which itself, typically, was spastically violent in bizarre ways.

No, there are memories of sounds, too, such as, for instance, the distinctive crack of a revolver … in the stands, mind you … which triggered a massive response from Cleveland’s Finest and even more brawling fueled by testosterone, drugs and alcohol.

Hollywood couldn’t begin to stage such mayhem.

Real. Surreal. Hyper-real.

Ah, the memories.

Good times ... good times, indeed, and stories aplenty for the Thanksgiving dinner table.

A Royal Flush

It's Browns Week. Ugh.

Sure, it’s a rivalry game, and we’ll no doubt watch this game with fanatical interest, but right now … ugh. You can’t polish a turd. It’s a matchup of 3-6 teams, and both have about as much chance of making the playoffs as Rutgers has making the BCS Championship Game.

Let’s face it: The Steelers-Browns rivalry hasn’t been the same since douchebag Art Modell violently uprooted and hijacked the real Browns to Baltimore in 1995. That action traumatized Browns and Steelers fans alike. Cleveland is still struggling to reclaim its NFL identity, and the rivalry has yet to really take seed again.

So, what’s left to get excited about this game? Well, it is Steelers-Browns, certainly one of the most storied rivalries in the NFL. A long history here, with memorable moments too numerous to cover in detail here. As of midweek, however, this particular game felt blah … at least until Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards flapped his yap regarding last year’s 41-0 thrashing the Steelers administered the Browns on Christmas Eve:

“This is not a situation where
they say the past is the past,”
Edwards said.

“No. The hell with that.
We're coming after their ass.
You don't beat somebody 41-0 at their own house.
We're coming for the Steelers. Point-blank, period.”

Yeah, whatever. As Max Starks, the Steelers affable offensive tackle, said on his radio show last evening, “He can talk all he wants, but what’s he done?”

Which is a question that also can be asked about Browns tight end Kellen Winslow II (Jr.?), as in, what’s he done in the NFL?

We know what he accomplished in college, while at the “U”:

According to Wikipedia: “Winslow generated significant national attention following a 2003 University of Miami loss to the University of Tennessee Volunteers. During a sweep play for Miami wide receiver/cornerback Devin Hester, Winslow made a terrific block on two Volunteers, effectively taking both defenders out of the play. Following the block, Winslow stood over both players, taunting injured Tennessee defensive back Corey Campbell. When questioned during the media session following the game Winslow admitted that he had known Campbell was injured but didn't care:

“Yeah, I don't give a hell. It's about this U, man. I don't give a flyin' you-know-what about a Vol. I don't give a damn! He would do the same thing to me. It's war. They don't give a freakin' you-know-what about you. They will kill you. They're out there to kill you. So I'm 'a kill 'em. You write that in the paper. You write that. You make money off that. No, man, I'm pissed. All y'all take this down. I'm pissed, man. We don't care about nobody except this U. We don't. If I didn't hurt him, he'd hurt me. They were gunnin' for my legs. I'm 'a come right back at 'em. I'm a fuckin' soldier!”

“Winslow took heavy criticism for the rant since many critics felt it was disrespectful to actual soldiers who were serving on duty in the Iraq War, which had started several months before.”

As Max Starks said last evening:

“Yeah, he’s a soldier. We’ll take the bus ride up to Cleveland, we’ll probably be a little cranky from the ride, and we’ll face Kellen, the soldier, and the rest of the Browns.

"And, you know, anything brown needs to be flushed.”

A Terrible Situation

>You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On
>your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side
>is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
>Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and
>your horse is unable to overtake it! Behind you is a
>lion running at the same speed as you and the
>Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of
>this situation?
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>If you do not know, see answer below.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

This is Whose Country?

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls have been struggling a bit, lately, trying to understand just why John Mellencamp’s song, “Our Country,” for the current series of Chevy Truck commercials is so annoying. Based on what we’ve been reading on many of the more popular sports-related blogs, others in the blogosphere share our sentiment.

Do we have anything against Chevy Trucks? Not really. But the song itself, and the accompanying video in all the commercials, is extremely irritating. Why?

Maybe it’s because the commercials seem to appear during every single break in action during NFL games. That may be our imagination, but the frequency with which they appear is way, way over the top. Secondly, the song itself isn’t that good. Some words come to mind:

Contrived: The song reeks of having been contrived specifically to shill for GM while simultaneously promoting Mellencamp’s faltering career.

Trite: “Our Country” panders in the worst way to base sentiment. Insipid. Ugh:

I can stand beside
Things I think are right
And I can stand beside
The idea of stand and fight

Bombastic: Its anthemic pretensions are comical. The song is more jingle than anthem:

There's room enough here
For science to live

Question: What the fuck is that? Answer: Lame lyrics.

Cloying: The repetitive refrain. I mean, come on, over and over and over, gimme a break …

From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
Back home
This is our country

Frankly, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls don’t need John Fucking Mellencamp to tell us this is our country. But we can’t help but wonder what some others might think when they see these commercials: How about illegal immigrants? The Rev. Ted Haggard? Deposed Senator Rick Santorum? Inmates in federal penitentiaries?

And the ones that run this land
Will help the poor and common man

Yeah, right. You just keep telling yourself that, asswipe. The ones that run this land? Like GM? Or aging, pretentious rock stars?

Annoying twit.

Interpreting Post-Game Comments

The Insomniac's Lounge does a nice job translating post-game comments from various players and coaches around the league.

We're Confused

Thanks to The Burgh Blog for pointing out this interview with Joey Porter.

Good Ju-Ju

“Soul is the ability to make people feel better, no matter their situation.”
-- Wynton Marsalis, on the late Ed Bradley of CBS’s 60 Minutes

Well, Willie Parker, thank you for making Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls and Steelers fans everywhere feel a little better. Yes we can-can: Twenty-two rushes, 213 yards and two touchdowns. Best running back on the field. Congratulations.

The best receiver on the field was the Saints’ Marques Colston. Ten catches, 169 yards. Three drops, but still. As noted in a previous post, how did the Steelers’ scouts miss this guy?

Other kudos:

Congrats to Drew Brees, who played a tremendous game and, now that his mother, Mina Brees, lost the race for the Third Circuit Court of Appeals in Texas, no longer has to worry about his image being used against his wishes in electoral campaign ads.

A one-fingered salute to Chris Gardocki for continuing to suck.

Congratulations to Ryan Clark for two fumble recoveries.

Congratulations to Troy Polamalu for continuing his history of concussions. Get better, Troy.

Kudos to Steelers defensive ends Aaron Smith and Brett Keisel, who were beasts.

And a big “fuck you” to John Mellencamp:

“From the East Coast to the West Coast,
From the Dixie Highway to … Cleveland?
This is our country.”

Whose country?

More thoughts on this later.