Thursday, November 30, 2006

Levinas Says ...

“The solipsist disquietude of consciousness, seeing itself in all its adventures, a captive of itself, comes to an end here: true exteriority is in this gaze which forbids my conquest. Not that conquest is beyond my too weak powers, but I am no longer able to have power, Je ne peux plus pouvoir.”

That's fucking money.

Why Are We Not Surprised?

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls like Plex and all, but when he was with the Steelers, he had a maddening tendency to ... well, let's just say, he'd get lackadaisical at the oddest moments.

Here's what Michael Strahan had to say about Plex Burress quitting on a crucial play in last Sunday's devastating loss to the Tenn Titans:

"It's a shame," Strahan said on the radio Monday. "You can't give up. You can't quit, because you're not quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on us … we work too hard to have that type of stuff happen. I don't quite understand what his lack of motivation is in those types of situations. But I'm going to try to see what it is, and if I can talk to him about it. He's too good for that."

After making those comments during a radio interview on Monday, Strahan pretty much denied the statements and tried to intimidate an ESPN reporter during a press conference later in the week. Flubby at Kissing Suzy Kolber calls out Strahan in an impassioned and, not surprisingly, well-written post.

Gone

"I've been getting a lot of contacts about it; I've heard about it," Cowher said Wednesday, according to the Associated Press. "But I've got a job here."

Yeah, sure, you have a job here. Today. And we have some real estate in Raleigh we’d be happy to sell ya.

Actually, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls heard from a “good source” back in December 2005, before the Steelers won the Super Bowl, that a friend of a friend has a daughter who is a friend of one of Bill Cowher’s daughters … who revealed that no matter what happened with the rest of the 2005 season, Mr. Bill was planning to buy a home in the Raleigh area and move on to his alma mater, North Carolina State, as the head football coach and Athletic Director ... sort of a Joe Paterno type of job. But it would be a nice, low-pressure position at a basketball-first school in an area where he has connections and present the opportunity for him to stamp his imprimatur as possibly a turn-around artist. Or not.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Check it Out

Check out Just Sayin' ... and the Nov. 29 entry evaluating areas of need the Steelers may need to address in 2007.

He Went to Jared? The Guy in the Subway Commercials?

If you are one of the two or three people who visit Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls, you probably also read Kissing Suzy Kolber. A belated tip of the hat to The Christmas Ape, who penned a fine opine on the incessant Christmas-season chain-jewelry commercials. We couldn’t have said it better ourselves, so we won’t …

"Worse still are the omnipresent holiday jewelry ads. These are the most cynical and insulting things on TV, save maybe beer commercials, and not just to women. But unlike beer commercials, they don't have the saving grace of being occasionally funny. The men are all gawking, emasculated, clueless submorons while the women are calculating, hypermaterialistic rockfiends who can only be appeased by being handed a diamond locket in front of a roaring fireplace with a tinkling piano overlay every fifteen minutes leading up to December 25. The fundamental problem I have with them is that they operate under the notion that anyone is stupid enough to have a clear preference in crappy chain jewelry stores. I mean, you're getting something substandard regardless."

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Looking Forward


It’s Ravens Week. Which means it’s Browns Week Redux, since the Ravens are the Original Browns, having been violently uprooted and transplanted to Bal’more in 1996 … after that turd Robert Irsay violently uprooted and transplanted the Baltimore Colts in 1984 to Indianapolis, in the dead of night, literally. Not to be bitter.

Anyway, we digress.

Okay, let’s get this straight: Baltimore’s defense can be exploited.

The question is, “Do the Steelers have the personnel (wide receivers) and schemes (spread offense) to do it?”

And the answer is, “Yes”

That is, “If they have the balls to do it.”

Attack, that is, repeatedly and aggressively, and once again, the answer should be, “Yes.”

The Ravens’ defense was constructed specifically to defeat the Steelers … the Steelers of the Jerome Bettis era, that is.

The Ravens defense is built from the inside out, with two brutes in the middle up front, and other talented personnel: Adalius Thomas is a major force at linebacker; Trevor Pryce and Terrell Suggs are speed rushers (and the Steelers have had problems with that type of pass rusher); Bart Scott has emerged as a fine player; Chris McAllister is a an opportunistic ball hawk at corner and Ed Reed is arguably the second-best safety in the league, behind a certain individual of Samoan descent.

Still. It used to be that the way to beat the Ravens was to run right at Ray Lewis, who is a thug but a punk, too.

However, this year’s Steelers offense, like it or not, is a speed offense.

So they might as well use it, as they did in the fourth quarter at Cleveland.

The Ravens’ front seven can be exploited with speed, misdirection, spread formations, no-huddle looks, etc.

The Steelers can win this game, if they don’t let the Ravens’ defense dictate the tempo and tone of the game. The Steelers can and should use quick counts, short drops and rollouts to keep the Ravens off-balance by torturing their weak spot, which is a lack of depth in the secondary, and one particular cornerback who is well past his prime — Samari Rolle. This could be a breakout game for Santonio Holmes. Just sayin’.

Let’s not overlook something, though. This game may well hinge on special teams, and, with B.J. Sams, the Ravens have one of the best return men in the league. The Steelers have to figure out a way to snuff punt and kickoff returns. Hey! Jeff Reed! Chris Gardocki! Coverage and return teams! Get your axe together!

When the Ravens have the ball, expect to see a lot of Steve McNair to Derrick Mason and Todd Heap, both of whom are fine receivers. But the Steelers’ defense should be able to contain the Baltimore offense, which has been performing better lately, since Brian Billick took over play-calling duties. As painful as that is to admit.

And therein lays hope. Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls have every reasonable expectation that Brian Billick, the offensive genius, will outsmart himself on Sunday. We don’t know how, when or in what way he’ll do it … but we fully expect him to outsmart himself.

The Steelers will win this game.

Oh, and one other thing: This is our country. Congratulations.

Nov. 22, 1963: A Tipping Point

Like Dec. 7, 1941 and Sept. 11, 2001,
Nov. 22, 1963 was one of those days.

If you're ever in Dallas, we recommend
that you make time to visit the
Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza.

Oh, and there's this tidbit, as noted on
A Large Regular:

"Kennedy was shot on this day and buried at Arlington National Cemetary on the 25th. The 25th is also John F. Kenney Jr.'s birthday (born 1960). Can you imagine going through life having your birthday being the same anniversary of the day your father was laid to rest?"

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Oops. 49ers receiver Bryant 'belligerent' in drunken-driving arrest

Pitt alumnus (?), former Cleveland Brownie and
occasional hothead Antonio Bryant is in trouble with the law.

Sorry to hear that, Antonio.
We've always admired you for throwing
a sweaty practice jersey straight
at Bill Parcell's frothing mug.

Mondesi's House Goes Off

Mondesi's House lists more than a few annoying things about sports. Joey Porter's Pit Bulls concur with just about all of 'em. Funny stuff.

“Kramer Is Who We THOUGHT He Was”


Joey Porter's Pit Bulls love the Kanye West headline at this post, which is worth a read. And we like the last line at this post about Michael Richards committing career suicide, and this thoughtful column, as well.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Mistakes by the Lake


For the Steelers, more special teams gaffes, another interception returned for a touchdown, costly penalties once again ... hell.

And Joey Porter got punk'd, by Kellen Winslow II (Jr.?), the soldier. At this point, the less said, the better.

Wait ... 32 seconds to go ... Willie Parker!!!

And how they lost, uh, won this game ...

Three long fourth-quarter drives.

Hines Ward and Big Ben: Tough guys. And Clutch Willie Parker. Snatching victory from the Dawg Pound Jaws of Defeat. Still, this one was fugly.

Oh, and Braylon Edwards, regarding your pre-game statement:
"You don't beat somebody 41-0 at their own house."

Uh, yeah, well, actually they did. And the Steelers just beat you again, 24-20, with you flailing at the ball in the end zone on the last play of the first half and at the end of the game. Fool. And your Michigan Wooferines team lost to The Ohio State University over the weekend, too. Loser.

And, that last play ... yes, God really does hate Cleveland sports.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Ho-ho-ho


Fond memories of last Christmas Eve, and they didn't even mention James Harrison's body slam of a drunken Browns fan who misguidedly wandered onto the field.


Joey Porter's Pit Bulls Go To The Dawg Pound

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls love the Dawg Pound.

It’s not that we’re combative or anything … but it’s just so much fun to encounter guys with dog masks who think they’re BAD; and then, despite ourselves, stay out of jail.

The real Dawg Pound died with Municipal Stadium, just as the old Browns franchise died when Art Modell highjacked it to Baltimore. Prick.

We haven’t been to the new Browns Stadium, which looks nice, but take our word for it, Municipal Stadium was not nice. Anything but.

“Barely controlled riot” would be the words to describe the Dawg Pound during Steelers-Browns games. Never mind the disgusting, overflowing restrooms. Never mind the continuing jawing and woofing between fans from Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Never mind the distractions, such as the periodic incursions of uniformed police that would snap attention from the action on the field — which itself, typically, was spastically violent in bizarre ways.

No, there are memories of sounds, too, such as, for instance, the distinctive crack of a revolver … in the stands, mind you … which triggered a massive response from Cleveland’s Finest and even more brawling fueled by testosterone, drugs and alcohol.

Hollywood couldn’t begin to stage such mayhem.

Real. Surreal. Hyper-real.

Ah, the memories.

Good times ... good times, indeed, and stories aplenty for the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A Royal Flush

It's Browns Week. Ugh.

Sure, it’s a rivalry game, and we’ll no doubt watch this game with fanatical interest, but right now … ugh. You can’t polish a turd. It’s a matchup of 3-6 teams, and both have about as much chance of making the playoffs as Rutgers has making the BCS Championship Game.

Let’s face it: The Steelers-Browns rivalry hasn’t been the same since douchebag Art Modell violently uprooted and hijacked the real Browns to Baltimore in 1995. That action traumatized Browns and Steelers fans alike. Cleveland is still struggling to reclaim its NFL identity, and the rivalry has yet to really take seed again.

So, what’s left to get excited about this game? Well, it is Steelers-Browns, certainly one of the most storied rivalries in the NFL. A long history here, with memorable moments too numerous to cover in detail here. As of midweek, however, this particular game felt blah … at least until Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards flapped his yap regarding last year’s 41-0 thrashing the Steelers administered the Browns on Christmas Eve:

“This is not a situation where
they say the past is the past,”
Edwards said.

“No. The hell with that.
We're coming after their ass.
You don't beat somebody 41-0 at their own house.
We're coming for the Steelers. Point-blank, period.”
Yeah, whatever. As Max Starks, the Steelers affable offensive tackle, said on his radio show last evening, “He can talk all he wants, but what’s he done?”

Which is a question that also can be asked about Browns tight end Kellen Winslow II (Jr.?), as in, what’s he done in the NFL?

We know what he accomplished in college, while at the “U”:
According to Wikipedia: “Winslow generated significant national attention following a 2003 University of Miami loss to the University of Tennessee Volunteers. During a sweep play for Miami wide receiver/cornerback Devin Hester, Winslow made a terrific block on two Volunteers, effectively taking both defenders out of the play. Following the block, Winslow stood over both players, taunting injured Tennessee defensive back Corey Campbell. When questioned during the media session following the game Winslow admitted that he had known Campbell was injured but didn't care:

“Yeah, I don't give a hell. It's about this U, man. I don't give a flyin' you-know-what about a Vol. I don't give a damn! He would do the same thing to me. It's war. They don't give a freakin' you-know-what about you. They will kill you. They're out there to kill you. So I'm 'a kill 'em. You write that in the paper. You write that. You make money off that. No, man, I'm pissed. All y'all take this down. I'm pissed, man. We don't care about nobody except this U. We don't. If I didn't hurt him, he'd hurt me. They were gunnin' for my legs. I'm 'a come right back at 'em. I'm a fuckin' soldier!”

“Winslow took heavy criticism for the rant since many critics felt it was disrespectful to actual soldiers who were serving on duty in the Iraq War, which had started several months before.”
As Max Starks said last evening:

“Yeah, he’s a soldier. We’ll take the bus ride up to Cleveland, we’ll probably be a little cranky from the ride, and we’ll face Kellen, the soldier, and the rest of the Browns.

"And, you know, anything brown needs to be flushed.”



A Terrible Situation

>You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On
>your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side
>is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
>Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and
>your horse is unable to overtake it! Behind you is a
>lion running at the same speed as you and the
>Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of
>this situation?
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>If you do not know, see answer below.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>.
>Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

This is Whose Country?

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls have been struggling a bit, lately, trying to understand just why John Mellencamp’s song, “Our Country,” for the current series of Chevy Truck commercials is so annoying. Based on what we’ve been reading on many of the more popular sports-related blogs, others in the blogosphere share our sentiment.

Do we have anything against Chevy Trucks? Not really. But the song itself, and the accompanying video in all the commercials, is extremely irritating. Why?

Maybe it’s because the commercials seem to appear during every single break in action during NFL games. That may be our imagination, but the frequency with which they appear is way, way over the top. Secondly, the song itself isn’t that good. Some words come to mind:

Contrived: The song reeks of having been contrived specifically to shill for GM while simultaneously promoting Mellencamp’s faltering career.

Trite: “Our Country” panders in the worst way to base sentiment. Insipid. Ugh:

I can stand beside
Things I think are right
And I can stand beside
The idea of stand and fight

Bombastic: Its anthemic pretensions are comical. The song is more jingle than anthem:

There's room enough here
For science to live

Question: What the fuck is that? Answer: Lame lyrics.

Cloying: The repetitive refrain. I mean, come on, over and over and over, gimme a break …

From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
Back home
This is our country

Frankly, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls don’t need John Fucking Mellencamp to tell us this is our country. But we can’t help but wonder what some others might think when they see these commercials: How about illegal immigrants? The Rev. Ted Haggard? Deposed Senator Rick Santorum? Inmates in federal penitentiaries?

And the ones that run this land
Will help the poor and common man

Yeah, right. You just keep telling yourself that, asswipe. The ones that run this land? Like GM? Or aging, pretentious rock stars?

Annoying twit.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Interpreting Post-Game Comments

The Insomniac's Lounge does a nice job translating post-game comments from various players and coaches around the league.

We're Confused


Thanks to The Burgh Blog for pointing out this interview with Joey Porter.

Good Ju-Ju

“Soul is the ability to make people feel better, no matter their situation.”
-- Wynton Marsalis, on the late Ed Bradley of CBS’s 60 Minutes

Well, Willie Parker, thank you for making Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls and Steelers fans everywhere feel a little better. Yes we can-can: Twenty-two rushes, 213 yards and two touchdowns. Best running back on the field. Congratulations.

The best receiver on the field was the Saints’ Marques Colston. Ten catches, 169 yards. Three drops, but still. As noted in a previous post, how did the Steelers’ scouts miss this guy?

Other kudos:

Congrats to Drew Brees, who played a tremendous game and, now that his mother, Mina Brees, lost the race for the Third Circuit Court of Appeals in Texas, no longer has to worry about his image being used against his wishes in electoral campaign ads.

A one-fingered salute to Chris Gardocki for continuing to suck.

Congratulations to Ryan Clark for two fumble recoveries.

Congratulations to Troy Polamalu for continuing his history of concussions. Get better, Troy.

Kudos to Steelers defensive ends Aaron Smith and Brett Keisel, who were beasts.

And a big “fuck you” to John Mellencamp:

“From the East Coast to the West Coast,
From the Dixie Highway to … Cleveland?
This is our country.”

Whose country?

More thoughts on this later.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Saints Be Praised

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls are perplexed. The Steelers are 2-6, and the Saints are 6-2. So, who’s favored? Well, the Steelers, of course! By 4½ points, for cryin’ out loud.

We don’t get it. The Steelers have given no indication they can beat the Morningside Bulldogs, let alone a decent team like the Saints. The Saints are no fluke. On offense, the totally rebuilt offensive line has held together, and the Saints have five big-time skill position players: Drew Brees, Deuce McAllister, Joe Horn, Marques Holston and Reggie Bush. Expect to see lots of spread formations and swing passes to put Bush out in space, in the open field (hey! … there’s an idea -- maybe the Steelers could do something similar with Willie Parker!).

The Saints’ defense has played pretty well, too, as have the special teams (oh-oh!)

Prediction? We have no clue. See the post below.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Place Your Bets

Take it from one who knows. Betting on football is bad business. Except for the bookies and casinos.

There’s a reason why bookies drive Caddies and bettors drive Chevvies, if not Chevy trucks (fuck you, Mellencamp). This, from a guy who watched a bet that was “won” go maddeningly bad … and ended up losing money on the infamous Cal-Stanford game that ended with a football being spiked in one of the many tubas on the field. Yeah, that game. Which made me a loser for all eternity and the reason I quit betting football some years ago.

But that shouldn’t deter you.

So, let’s make a bet: Will the Stanford football Cardinal win a game this year? Stanford currently stands at 0-9. Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls are interested in Stanford’s fortunes this year because the Coach Death Watch is on. And the head coach at Stanford is Walt Harris, the arrogant prick who formerly coached the Pitt Panthers.

At Pitt, he built a finesse team with undersized lines on both sides of the ball, which Dave Wannstedt inherited, a team that continues to wilt under pressure from football powers such as, oh, shall we say, South Florida (?!)

So, even if Stanford does manage to win a game this year, Walt “Offensive Genius” Harris is almost certain to be fired immediately after the season, if not sooner.

Wanna bet on it eactly when that will happen?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Curtains for the Steelers?


Here's a
good article from the New Orleans Times-Picayune.

Deuce vs. Duce


It’s kind of like Mad magazine’s Spy vs. Spy cartoon series … or not.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls wanted to title this post, “A Tale of Two Deuces” (“Duces”?) or “Deuces Wild” (“Duces Wild”??), but Spelling Integrity sat on our collective shoulders and frowned disapprovingly.


Anyway, it’s unfair at this point to do a Deuce McAllister vs. Duce Staley comparison -- so let’s get right to it.

Let’s see, Deuce McAllister is a badass; a gasher (love that word), but able to run tough, between the tackles. Not at all deterred by the arrival of Reggie Bush, he of the “hot sauce” ankle and -5 rushing yards last week.

Duce Staley? The Velveteen (?) sweatsuit with fleece lining that he wears on the sideline looks cushy. Hmmm, Joey Porter’s Pitt Bulls wonder if he uses Big Ben's BBQ Sauce instead of Reggie Bush’s hot sauce … What is Velveteen anyway? Kind of cheesy, like Velveeta? We dunno.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Questions to Ponder


As the New Orleans Saints prepare to visit
Pittsburgh for this week’s hair-pull contest with Troy Polamalu and the Pittsburgh Steelers, a number of questions bear pondering, if not discussion:

Will Mina Brees contest the election results
for the Third Court of Appeals in Texas?

Will Joe Horn bring his cell phone?

Will Reggie Bush get some extra “hot sauce” for that ailing ankle?

Will Deuce McAllister outplay
Duce Staley?

Will the three rivers flood?

Will Katrina and the Waves sing the national anthem?

Will the Saints come marching in?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Here Come the Saints

The New Orleans Saints visit Heinz Field on Sunday, and the Steelers are looking for redemption, if not Divine Intervention.

Of course, when the schedule was drawn up, this game looked like an easy win for the Steelers. The Saints, coming off a 3-13 record last season, were in full-blown rebuilding mode with a new coaching staff, a new quarterback, an entirely new offensive line (and how often does that happen?), an entirely new linebacking corps, and one extremely talented rookie poised to make a big impact.

No, not Reggie Bush. Well, besides him.

The rookie making the biggest impact for the Saints -- and maybe in the NFL -- is wide receiver Marques Colston. Drafted in the seventh round out of Hofstra, Colston so far has contributed seven touchdowns (!) and 44 catches for 700 yards ... the exact same number of total yards racked up by Reggie Bush. Colston has been impressive, to say the least. He's big (6'4", 230), fast and rangy. And he plays with a poise that belies his inexperience.

Question: Didn't the Steelers notice this guy when they were viewing Hosfstra game film while scouting tackle Willie Colon, whom they drafted in the fourth round? I mean, what if? Colston sure would look good in Black 'n Gold. What?! Those are the Saints' colors, too? Damn. I hate being colorblind.

All Hail The Mighty MJD!

The Mighty MJD is way more entertaining:

“What poses a greater problem for the NFL? Protecting Jerramy Stevens’ coin purse, or Joey Porter threatening to OJ an official on the field of play?”

Groundhog, er, Election Day

Joey Porter’s pit bulls did their civic duty and voted today … just not for the mother of New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees, who seems like a fine fellow. We wish him a speedy recovery following Sunday’s game against the Steelers at Heinz Field.

You’ve probably heard about his mother, who is running for office in Texas (surprised?). She was using Drew’s image in her campaign ads, despite their having a “nonexistent” relationship for the past six years.

According to the Austin American-Statesman, “Drew Brees said that when he heard about the spots, he called his mother and asked her to stop them. She did not return his calls or stop using his image, he said, and his agent sent her a letter Oct. 20 threatening legal action.”

Another example of democracy in action. Now, if we could only get it to work as well in Iraq.


Monday, November 06, 2006

Not Happy

Joey Porter’s pit bulls are not happy today. No sirreee. Not at all. Not with Peezy, who didn’t show up (again). Not with Ike Taylor, who is now, officially, Javon Walker’s biaatch. Not with Deshea, who got old, all of a sudden, to compound being short. Not with Cedric "Not Entertaining" Wilson, who doesn't know which hand carries the ball whan running along the sideline (hint: it's the one closest to the sideline, dipshit). Not with the turf at Heinz Field, and when are they gonna fix that? And not happy, no, not at all, with two and six.

And Joey Porter? Hey! I’m talking to you!! If you’re going to get fined $15,000 — and that’s $15K less raw meat for the pit bulls, asswipe — at least get fined for something more interesting than mouthing off to the officials. Unless, that is, you want to release the transcript. Which, since we are Joey Porter’s pit bulls, we have:

“Awwhhh, dog! Hell the fuck no! Fuck that!!! I said, fuck that! And your ol’ lady, but I already done her, ‘n yo’ mama!!!”

Shee-it, you get fined $15K for that? You slippin, dude.

Watching this game reminded me of the masochistic Jehova's Witness ... He kept slamming the door in his own face.

Oh. And in case you didn't know already: "This is our country." Mellenfuck.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Welcome ... or not

Welcome to Joey Porter's Pit Bulls. If you didn't know already, they killed a horse. Sure, it was a miniature horse, but that makes it even better.

I was tempted to name this blog “Lil’ Angry,” the nickname for former Pirates outfielder and current Cubs coach Gene Clines. Bob Prince (aka "The Gunner"), the late, great Pirates' announcer, named Clines "Lil' Angry" for his style of play, which evoked an ebbing, barely contained fury. Lil' Angry was last seen in a Cubs uniform, however, so fuck 'im. I still kinda like his nickname, though, because,well, I'm just a little angry ... pretty much all the time. Kinda like Joey Porter's pit bulls.

My priorities and interests may explain this, as I am a lifelong fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates (14 consecutive losing seasons and counting) and Steelers (with a record of 2-5 as of this writing).

If and when I post entries to this blog, they’ll probably be pretty lame but cover sports, mostly, and also some politics, music and urban culture stuff. We’ll see if I stay interested, and whether anybody else is, too. If not, we can always turn loose Joey Porter’s pit bulls.