Wednesday, February 09, 2011

In the News ...

Now that football season is over, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls thought we'd see what else is going on in the world. It's confusing. And complicated. Here are some headlines from a quick scan of this morning's news:

Crooksville to cut positions; realign schools
  • This town, Crooksville, Ohio, sounds like a nasty place. Too many crooks. You just can't trust fans of the Browns or Bengals.
Prehistoric Cemetery Reveals Man and Fox Were Pals
  • Have you seen Megan Fox? That's her in the photo above. And, yeah, we'd be pals with her, too, so to speak.
Making the L-Word Real After the Big-D
  • For some reason, this headline caught our eye, mainly because it seemed like some sort of code for something we know nothing about. Which is true. This op/ed column in The Huffington Post is written by a woman, Candace Walsh, whose lead line is, "If only I were a lesbian." Whatever works for you. Immediate tune-out for us, although a friend once joked he was considering a sex-change operation so he could become a lesbian and meet more women. Hey, Megan Fox is out there somewhere ...
Smartphone Sins: Catholic Bishop Approves Confession by iPhone
  • This can be interpreted so many ways: Does this mean confession can be exculpatory, even if you're committing sin by iPhone? With Megan Fox? No, that can't be it.
Report: iPhone 5 Will be 'Completely Redesigned'
  • Of course it will. The newest iteration supposedly will be available in June, in line with Apple's regular, predictable-as-phases-of-the-moon release cycle. So, if you want to go to confession with your iPhone, you may just have to wait. And, we must ask, just why should we rush out to buy the arguably obsolete version of the iPhone to be made available next week, finally, by Verizon Wireless and Apple? Besides which, there's no evidence yet that the Verizon Wireless network can even broadly support the iPhone 4, or are we mistaken.
Experts warn of 'Death by GPS' as more people visit remote wilderness
  • Something else to worry about. This story reports how a growing number of people using vehicles with GPS devices are getting lost in the desert, woods and other remote locations -- where there is no GPS tracking or cell phone coverage. Idiots. There should be a "GPS Users Lost and Found" where relatives can find these people. Or something.
Pirates Seize Greek Tanker off the Coast of Oman
  • Apparently the Pittsburgh Baseball Club continues to explore creative ways to find talent. Spring training is just around the corner!
The Tea Party Is Revolting
  • Nice double-entrendre. At first glance early this morning, though, this headline played a trick on our eyes and seemed to say, "Tea Bag Party Is Revolting," which really would be disgusting. But this turns out to be a "man bites dog story" and not really news at all, except to certain folks in the Republican Party and at Fox News.
So-called real-world news can be so confusing, tedious and depressing. When does football season start again? What? There's a simmering labor dispute?

As Charlie Brown would say, "Sigh."

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