O Joy, O Rapture!

If The Rapture happens today, and the NFL Lockout ends, will anybody notice?

Will anybody notice the end? Of the NFL Lockout, that is, not THE END. Of Days.

At least one studious scholar ("Doctor of Thinkology") in the world of academia actually gets paid for studying people who espouse their apocalyptic belief in The Rapture (also known as "End of Days"), whereby the good and righteous will be swept into heaven and everybody else will be "left behind" for the devil to torture and eventually sweep into hell.

Armed with this Zeitgeist (world view), some True Believers, apparently rapt with eager anticipation of The Rapture, have sold all their possessions.

On the other hand, some people are fatalistically whistling past the proverbial graveyard. One bumper sticker reads, "When The Rapture Comes, Can I Have Your Car?"

Some folks, assuming they will be "left behind," are preparing a Post-Rapture Looting Party.

Then, too, there's "Brimstone Barney's Apocalypse Clearance -- Everyone Must GO! -- Rapture Sale."

A number of people have been preparing for quite a while now, as Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columnist Samantha Bennett described presciently in her excellent 2008 column, titled, "In Case of Rapture, This Column Will be Unaffected."

In any case, it's always best to Be Prepared, which we learned as Boy Scouts. Clean underwear and all that.

Whatever happens, it's always good to have a soundtrack.
Here are a few suggestions from Joey Porter's Pit Bulls for "songs for the end of the world," just for starters (or 'enders,' as the case may be)...

• "Eve of Destruction" by Barry McGuire
• "It's All Right Ma, I'm Only Bleeding" by Bob Dylan
• "Ain't Gettin' Out of This World Alive" by Hank Williams
• "Wooden Ships" by Jefferson Airplane (also by Crosby, Stills & Nash)
• "The End" by The Doors
• "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" by Bob Dylan
• "New Speedway Boogie" by The Grateful Dead
• "Ball of Confusion" by The Temptations
• "Epitaph" by King Crimson
• "Careful With That Ax, Eugene" by Pink Floyd
• "Is That All There Is" by Peggy Lee
• "This is the End of the World As We Know It" by R.E.M.

We're not sure when The Rapture will happen -- really, who is sure of anything these (end of) days? -- but just wondering:

Will The Rapture occur before the Preakness? If so, are all bets off?

Well, we shall wait and see. And, as always, we will hope for the best.
As the Scarecrow in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz exclaimed, "O Joy, O Rapture!"

And, as a friend added, "At least the Pirates get to go out on an uptick."

So, faithful readers, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls have only to say, "See ya!" ... somewhere ... Hopefully.

We're as ready as ever, which is, uh, no, not really, but that's how it is. That's how we roll. Is that the right way to put it? That didn't sound blasphemous, did it?
On a final (?) note: We'd be remiss not to recall the following story from San Francisco (where else?). It's an oldie but goodie.

Evil seems to befall cab 666 -- driver seeks intervention -- Taxi commission to consider issuing a new medallion

by Steve Rubinstein, San Francisco Chronicle

July 24, 2007 - The San Francisco Taxi Commission is set to decide this evening whether one of the city's cabs is "associated with evil and Satan."

And its decision, according to the official agenda, has implications involving no less than Armageddon, St. John the Divine, Good Friday, the Book of Revelation and the Mark of the Beast.

At its regular meeting, the commission will consider a request from the distraught holder of taxi cab medallion No. 666 to have the number retired.

Driver Michael Byrne complained that the number is bad luck and persuaded assistant commission executive director Jordanna Thigpen to take up his cause with a two-page memo to the board.