We're Drafting ...

The NFL Draft is two weeks away. Time to get serious.

As noted at many worthy Steelers sites across the blogosphere, this year's draft options are so totally up in air, our collective Joey Porter's Pit Bulls heads are spinning.

As just one example, our friends at Heels Sox Steelers apparently feel the same way, as the esteemed author, Ryan, wrote, "Concerning the draft, I got nothin'. "

This year's draft SCREAMS offensive line, but the best ones will be gone by the time time the Steelers pick at 1.23, and this team has many, many other needs to cover with just six draft choices. It just may be the year for that hoary aphorism, "best player available."

And who may that be?

The constant drumbeat of announcements that the Steelers are bringing in this player or that player is numbing. Jonathan Stewart? Not gonna happen. Not in the first round, and he ain't gonna be there for them in the second round.

I don't care what the Steelers brass says about picking the best player available, they will pick the best player available (in the first round) at a position of need. And they have a LOT of positions of need ... encompassing everything BUT QB, TE and RB, which would eliminate Jonathan Stewart.

Let's talk about RB for just a second: They signed Mewelde Moore, and Najeh Davenport's been cleared of criminal charges, so that's that. They're not going to spend one of their precious six picks on a RB, unless Owen Schmitt's available in the third round, and he's a fullback. If he is available, grab him. He won't be available, by the way, so it's moot.

The first round? Up in the air. Totally. Everybody we really like is likely to be gone. Which leaves us to take a closer look, a much closer look, at some of the others. Gosder Cherilus? Nah.

Branden Albert or Malcolm Kelly? Definitely, either/or. But they'll both be gone.

Antoine Cason? Maybe. Yeah, just maybe worth a much closer look. Agib Talib? Nah, not so much.

Quentin Groves? Maybe, and definitely worth a much closer look. Although, again, the salary cap implications (because of L. Timmons and L. Woodley in the first two round last year) screw up this position. But, then again, best player available?

Kenny Phillips? Hell, no.

Sam Baker? We'd ruled him out previously, but now? Maybe? Ditto Limas Sweed. Actually, maybe, yeah, why not either Sam Baker or Limas Sweed?? Either/or, depending on who else is available, or any of maybe a dozen other possibilities.

Again, we have to look at the salary cap repercussions per position. Given their top picks the past two years, that IS A FACTOR. Which bring us back to ... the offensive line, and who will be available.

Which make us take a closer look at ... Sam Baker. Unless, by some miracle, Chris Andrews or Branden Albert is available. But neither will be available at 1.23, nor will WR Malcolm Kelly.

And, oh crap, what if Jeff Otah is still available? Not likely, from what we're hearing, but Joey Porter's Pit Bulls watches Pitt football, and Jeff Otah never struck us as a dominant offensive lineman worthy of a first-round pick (let alone at number five overall, which is where Mike Mayock, whose opinion we generally respect, had him rated recently).

And our collective Joey Porter's Pit Bulls heads continue to spin.

Pointillist Pittsburgh

Our fair city has long had a reputation, deserved or not, for being a Backwater Bastion of Provincialism and for being slow to embrace emerging trends and the avant-garde.

As Mark Twain once said, "When I die, I want it to happen in Pittsburgh because it will take another 20 years for it to catch up to me."

One may argue how richly this reputation is deserved, for the city also has a rich pedigree of innovation in research, medicine, technology, manufacturing and knowledge leadership.

Still … every once in a while … some of our denizens say or do something so monumentally pointillist that it only reinforces and perpetuates the widely held perception of provincialism, defensiveness and laughable small-mindedness.

Case in point: "Pittsburgh couple sues Google over Street View"

It was 40 years ago today …

Unless you lived through it, you cannot even begin to comprehend …

The sheer ugliness. Hatred. Polarization. Turmoil. Strife. Divisiveness. Rancor. Anarchy. Chaos. Uncertainty. Trauma.

It was 40 years ago today: The murder of Martin Luther King Jr.

It was the tipping point for an already chaotic time amid the backdrop of: The Vietnam war. The draft. Student riots. The SDS. The Black Panthers. Nascent feminism. Radical activism. Flag-burning. An expanding counterculture. Growing drug use. Backlash. Tension. Fighting in the streets. Riots.

When James Earl Ray slayed Martin Luther King, Jr., it culminated a period of sheer ugliness, and triggered even more ugliness over the ensuing weeks, months, years. If you were just entering high school in certain neighborhoods in Pittsburgh at that time, well, good luck. Formative years? How about just trying to survive? Keep your head down. Avoid the fights. Because there were fights. Lots of them. Every day.

To say the environment was polarized is an understatement. Kids from different neighborhoods, socio-economic levels, racial divides and ethnic lines … everybody was fragmented and polarized. Everybody hated one another. The tension in the air, the hatred, the constant rancor ... that's when security guards and police started showing up in schools on a regular basis. Because that's when guns started showing up in schools.

After Martin Luther King, riots broke out in Pittsburgh. I distinctly remember the National Guard on my street. Low-flying helicopters overhead. A curfew. Riots nearby. All too close to home, man, way too close to home.

So, if you were young and impressionable, believe me, it all made an impression. Big time.

It was an intense period. It's a wonder we lived through it. Some didn't.

And just when things were beginning to look hopeful again, bam, Bobby Kennedy was shot down. And you couldn't help but think, "All right, so that's how it's going to be. Every time somebody comes along who looks like a leader, they get shot down."

It took years for the country to heal from the turmoil of those times, from Vietnam, and from the assassinations of Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy. You would think we, as a society, would have learned some lessons. That's why it was so disappointing to some of us that the Bush administration would so carelessly start another disastrous war in a distant foreign land. That's why it's been so depressing to see the harsh divides of red-blue ideology in recent years.

The country is at another tipping point. We cannot go back to the way things were on April 4, 1968.

Recommended reading: Post-Gazette columnist Tony Norman's "The last sermon, Memphis, April 3, 1968"

Remarks by Sen. Barack Obama on Martin Luther King Jr.

Remarks by Sen. John McCain on Martin Luther King Jr.

(we haven't come across remarks from Hillary)

It's Getting Drafty In Here

No clue. During our long winter somnambulance, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls like others across Steeler Nation have given plenty of thought to the NFL Draft, April 26-27. And we still don't have a clue.

The top of the draft appears muddled, with no clear choice for a consensus No. 1 overall pick. This uncertainty produces a ripple effect, of course, on how the next 22 picks will shake out, and the Steelers go on the clock at pick number 23. We usually have a clearer sense of this, by the way, even allowing for the wildly varying quality of most mock drafts and prognostications.*

Most of this year's mock drafts predict the Steelers will pick an offensive lineman in the first round. Sounds eminently reasonable, and a couple of months ago, we would have said two of the first three picks should be offensive linemen.

Maybe. But, uh, maybe not.

A closer look at the offensive linemen likely to be available at 1.23 raises more questions than answers. The very best tackles (Jake Long, Michigan; Ryan Clady, Boise State; Chris Williams, Vanderbilt; Jeff Otah (?), Pitt) will be gone, and questions remain about the others (Sam Baker, USC; Gosder Cherilus, Boston College; Eric Young, Tennessee).

Best Available?

If you take the Steelers at their word, they will pick the best player available regardless of position (except for quarterback and tight end).

But still … the offensive line was putrid last year and should have been addressed either in last year's draft or during the off-season in free agency. We can't say with any confidence that Justin Hartwig or Darnell Stapleton (or Kendall Simmons or Woody Allen for that matter) will be an upgrade at center over the overmatched Sean Mahan, who got thrown around, consistently, like a rag doll last year.

At guard, longtime stalwart Alan Faneca is gone, so the left guard position is certain to be a downgrade, no matter who mans the position. Left tackle Marvel Smith has shown signs of wear and tear, and at right tackle, well, that's a question mark at best (Max Starks, we mean you).

With Faneca's departure, most mock drafts predict the Steelers will select University of Virginia guard Branden Albert. Sounds good, if he's there, but Albert's stock appears to be rising, and he may very well be gone. I f he's there, take 'im.

If not, however, who else might be available? Besides offensive line, what other positions do the Steelers need to fill, and who might be available? This is so hard to read, this year, partly because the Steelers have problems, they are many, and they are great (to paraphrase Chuck Noll's famous statement about running back Sidney "The Bull" Thornton).

Again, if you take the Steelers at their word, they need to shore up all positions except quarterback and tight end. Presumably running back would be a lower priority, although you would like to see a solid fullback added to the roster. West Virginia's Owen Schmitt would look good in black and gold, assuming you could get him, say, when the Steelers pick in the third round (not likely, from what we're reading).

On defense, the defensive line is showing age, and inside linebackers James Farrior and Larry Foote aren't getting younger, either.

Nor can you ever have too many corners (good ones, that is). Might cornerback Antoine Cason from the University of Arizona be a possibility in the first round? There are other corners being discussed as first-round material include … but we like what we've read about Cason.

On the other hand ...

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls would love to see Oklahoma wide receiver Malcolm Kelly fall to the Steelers in the first round. It ain't gonna happen. Two months ago, according to most draft projections, it seemed possible. Today, not at all. He'll be a top 15 pick.

So, having said all that, we have no clue. Especially, if Albert's gone or, for that matter, Chris Williams (OT) or Malcolm Kelly (WR).

If those three are gone, we wouldn't mind Antoine Cason, frankly, but we're leery of Cherilus and Baker at that point in the first round. A defensive lineman? Ehh, maybe, but probably not this year, not in the first round.

Later in the Draft

Players who might be available (rounds 2-4), and who might be a good fit for the Steelers, are:

• Owen Schmitt, FB, West Virginia– Can you say, "Short-yardage specialist?" This guy was never tackled behind the line of scrimmage and, supposedly, was a tough blocker for WVU's rampant running game.
  

• Cliff Avril, LB/DE (3-4), Purdue – Avril continues the tradition of highly accomplished pass rushers coming out of Purdue. Too small to play defensive end in the NFL, he would convert to OLB in the Steelers' scheme.

• Eric Young, OT, Tennessee – Sounds like a tough guy, and you can always use one of those.

• Andre Caldwell, WR, Florida – This guy is often compared to Hines Ward, only faster, so that immediately gets your attention. Traditionally, we've been leery of receivers coming out of the University of Florida, but Caldwell doesn't fit the typical profile.

• Steve Justice, C, Wake Forest – Justice is billed as a skilled technician, but undersized, which might not be good considering the defensive match-ups in the AFC North. Still, the Steelers have a long history of success at center, and it certainly needs upgrading.
  

• Ahtyba Rubin, DT, Iowa State. Just nasty.
  

• Also, Kirk Barton, offensive tackle, Ohio State, whose performance at The Combine prompted this report from CBS Sportsline :

“Senior offensive tackle Kirk Barton also had a strong day. Characterized as a tough guy with marginal athleticism throughout his career, Barton raised eyebrows with a 4.95 40. The sub-five-second 40 was the first scouts have seen from Barton, as the four-year starter was limited at the combine due to a knee sprain suffered at the Senior Bowl.

“The fastest time recorded by any offensive lineman in Indianapolis was the 4.99 by Rutgers' Jeremy Zuttah. Barton, while not running the 40 at the combine, showed impressive strength there, ranking among this year's strongest men with 34 repetitions of 225 pounds.”

*Footnote: Last year, pre-draft, planning ahead for the departure of Clark Haggans (and given the paucity of first-round-quality offensive linemen), we suggested the Steelers take a pass-rushing outside linebacker in the first round.

They did, just not the player we would have taken. The Steelers selected Lawrence Timmons; we preferred Purdue's Anthony Spencer, who went to Dallas at pick number 26.

The jury is still out on both Timmons and Spencer, but we are delighted the Steelers actually did take Lamarr Woodley, whom we had urged them to grab in the unlikely event he were still available in the second round. He was, and they did.

As for last year's first round – sorry, we just can't let it go – the vigorous case we made for drafting Florida safety Reggie Nelson looks better and better today (considering how little Timmons contributed).

Last April, of course, nobody could have foreseen Ryan Clark's health issues or Anthony Smith's late-season meltdown, so admittedly this is all 20/20 hindsight. But, still, who contributed more to their respective teams last year, and who would you rather have: Timmons or Nelson? Nelson is starting at safety, by the way, for the Jacksonville Jaguars, who (as we all know) defeated the Steelers twice last year, including in the playoffs.

For all we know, Clark will return, and Smith will continue his development, but still … we thought Timmons was a reach at number 15, and we still believe that.

Five Songs About War

Five on the Fifth

On this, the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, here are five songs about war -- any war, not just this war:

“War.” The classic by Edwin Starr is the definitive version, but Joan Osborne's version from "How Sweet It Is" is slowed down, funky and soulful -- and definitely worth a listen. Springsteen also covered this song, righteously.

”Masters of War,” by Bob Dylan. No explanation needed, although it's worth noting that Pearl Jam did a nice in-concert cover of this song. Read the lyrics.

“Bomb the World,” by Michael Franti and Spearhead, with the lyrics, "We can bomb the world to pieces, but we can't bomb it into peace ... Power to the Peaceful."

“The Dogs of War” by Pink Floyd – This eerie video of the dogs run amok with green gleaming eyes – well, just check it out, and listen to the words/read the lyrics.

"War Pigs" by Black Sabbath. Great song. Ominous and powerful, with the sirens wailing. I remember listening to this song, quite by accident, the weekend before the invasion launched, and although I’d heard it before, it was the first time I’d really listened and paid attention. Highly recommended.

Selected Links:

"Lebanon's Dogs of War" (MSNBC article about dogs ... who happen to be caught in a war zone):

http://dailynightly.msnbc.com/2006/08/lebanons_dogs_o.html

Wikipedia entry about the song, "War":

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_%28Edwin_Starr_song%29

"Masters of War" lyrics by Bob Dylan:

http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/masters.html

Bomb the World (Michael Franti) video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICL-4Onk0PA

The Dogs of War concert video from Pink Floyd's The Delicate Sound of Thunder:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFdC74179Wk

War Pigs (Black Sabbath) video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GRR_n_yQGA

Rest in Peace, Myron Cope

Myron Cope. What a character.

Seriously accomplished author, newspaperman and prolific, brilliant writer for Sports Illustrated and other magazines long before he entered broadcasting. The highest-paid writer, in fact, for Sports Illustrated, for quite a few years.

A great writer, first and foremost, but so much more: Broadcasting legend, of course. Originator of the Terrible Towel, of course. Colorful raconteur and man about town, of course. Highly entertaining story-teller and radio talk-show host. Devoted husband and father, of course. Quietly benevolent. Generous. Kindly. Irreverent. Witty. Fun. And very, very funny.

Blessed with the ability to make total strangers feel comfortable, he was genuinely interested in everyday people ... just as much, if not more so, as he was in "big-shot punjab celebrities," as he might call them, whom he would gleefully skewer with happy enthusiasm. Myron: Unabashedly colorful in garb, banter and demeanor.

A Pittsburgh guy. Truly.

He made Steelers broadcasts unique, to say the least. And to say they were highly entertaining would be an understatement. Billy, Tunch and Wolf would be the first to say that Steelers game-day broadcasts haven't been the same since Myron left the booth. It was largely because of Myron that legions of Steelers fans began the uniquely Pittsburgh tradition of turning down the TV sound and listening to the local radio broadcast ... listening to Myron and Jack Fleming, and later, Billy, Tunch and Wolf.

• "Yoi and double yoi!"
• "A little birdie told me ..."
• "Deck those Broncos, they're just yonkos!"
• "Hmm-hah!"
• "The little Cleve Brownies ..."
• "The Dallas Cryboys ..."
• "The Cincy Bungles ..."
  
• "Cope-ascetic!"
• "Okel-dokel, that makes you a Cope-a-Nut!"
  
• "How do, ya got Cope here, what's on your cranium?"
  
• "Welcome to the Cope-a-cabana!"

Myron was famous for personally writing handwritten letters to the many individuals who wrote to him. I was one of them. Fourteen years ago, a one-year-old black Labrador Retriever came into my life. The previous owners had named this puppy, "Damian." One look at this sweet, cheerful, tail-wagging dog, and I knew he needed a new name. Only one name would do: "Myron." Yup, I named my dog after Myron Cope.

The following holiday season, I sent Myron a Christmas card with a picture of my dog and a note explaining how Myron now had a canine namesake. A few weeks later, Myron sent me a gracious note saying how "honored" he was that Myron was named for him.

"And a good-looking pooch he is, too," Myron wote.

Myron the pooch is still with us, just as Myron Cope the legend remains with us in spirit.

Myron Cope. The quintessential Pittsburgh guy.

Rest in peace, Myron. It's quiet, too quiet, without you.

Links ...

• Allegheny Valley School
• Autism Society of Pittsburgh
• Post-Gazette Obituary (Highly recommended; great writing by Gene Collier)
• The Pittsburgh Channel.com (WTAE-TV: nice video, text, slideshow and reader tributes to Myron)
• CBS Sportsline
• CNN (Associated Press obit)

More Links ...

• Arlin's Myron Cope Sounds
• http://www.networksandwebapplications.com/myron/misc.html
  
  
• The Game That Was
  
• http://pabook.libraries.psu.edu/palitmap/bios/Cope__Myron.html
  

• Pitt Magazine Article
  
• http://www.pittmag.pitt.edu/sep96/copeh.html
  

• Myron on YouTube
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4xi7eA68og

• Tribute From Mondesi's House on Deadspin
• http://deadspin.com/361509/rip-myron-cope

• Myron Cope: A Pittsburgh Legend
• http://news.steelers.com/article/87361/

• Tribute(s) From "Just Sayin'"
• http://justsayin2000.blogspot.com/

• A nice roundup of links, including audio/video, from the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review
• http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/breaking/s_554487.html
  

Still More Links ...

• The Christmas Ape's take, on Kissing Suzy Kolber, including this gem of a reader comment ...

"I'm sure that right now, somewhere in the afterlife, Myron Cope and William F. Buckley are trading bon mots. Assuming, of course, they could ever understand each other."

• The Starter Wife's take, on "Black and Gold Tchochkes" ...
• "Yoi and Double Yoi - RIP Myron Cope"

• A nice tribute to Myron's career in this USA Today article, published upon Myron's Retirement in 2005

• Cotter's take, on "One for the Other Thumb"

• Doubt About It: "The Passing of a Legend"
  

• Sean's Ramblings: "Myron Cope, 1929-2008"
  

• Sportsocracy: "Hmm-hah! Myron Cope, Gone at 79"

• The Post-Gazette's Blog 'n Gold runs a nice collection of Myron articles, video, audio and tributes from across the blogosphere

• Also in the Post-Gazette, Pirates beat writer Dejan Kovacevic wrote the following to lead off his post in Thursday's edition of Pirates Q&A ...

"My very deepest condolences to the family of Myron Cope.

"I had the chance to meet the man formally only once, back in 1992 while covering a Steelers training camp, but I was extremely fortunate to have formed a more meaningful connection with him this past summer when he wrote me two personal, handwritten letters last summer. I will keep the contents to myself, but suffice it to say that one is framed and hanging above my desk back home. I have had no higher honor in this business.

"Our city has lost a giant, not just in broadcasting but also in writing. That aspect of his career was immensely underappreciated, I always have thought, but it should not be. Anyone wanting a taste of that brilliance should look up his poignant piece about Roberto Clemente for Sports Illustrated from the 1960s. It can be found in many compilation books, not the least of which is one appropriately entitled, "The Best American Sports Writing of the Century.""

*** *** ***

"This is Myron Cope ... o-o-on sports. Bye now!"

Blame it on Steely McBeam

Let's see ... much of what went wrong Saturday night sure looked familiar, starting with the 98-YARD KICKOFF RETURN!

Special teams (specifically kick coverage) have burned the Steelers all year. On Saturday night, just as we were starting to feel good ... pha-phew, the air went out of the stadium. Jackson-vile's Maurice Jones-Drew scooted his way almost all the way, and his return undid all the good accomplished in the Steelers' confidence-building opening drive. Then, Ben started throwing picks. No need to re-cap what happened the rest of the way. It was a valiant effort and a mostly good, if unfulfilling season.

We can (and will) ruminate on what improvements can be made during the offseason. We will probably start (and finish) with special teams. It will be interesting to see whether special teams coach Bob Ligashesky will be retained. He would be an easy target for the Finger of Blame.

Or we could just as easily point to Steely McBeam.

FEAR NOT THE JAGUARS

Let’s send these foul beasts
back into the abyss
from which they came.

About Last Night

Not sure what happened, exactly, but we heard some good speeches last night.

Edwards: A well-delivered speech. Delivered with confidence and power, yet heartfelt and genuine. Stayed on message (“America Rising”); consistently on point. Didn’t miss a beat. Very impressive. Inspired confidence.

Huckabee: Kind of an aw-shucks style, almost avuncular. First impression was that he seemed almost surprised to be there. Chuck Norris and the hot blonde bombshell standing behind him with their dazzlingly white choppers, were distracting. Huckabee seems to do better in Q&A format. Deceptively deft, however, and extremely clever. This guy is not to be underestimated or sold short. We were wondering when the “I♥Huckabee” buttons are going to show up, but his target constituency probably wouldn’t go for that shit.

Romney: What a stiff. His sons look like Stepford kids. A little creepy. It’s funny how he dodges the topic of religion – runs away from it – while Huckabee turns that shit around on Romney, to Huckabee’s great advantage, by putting it front and center in his defining tagline: “Faith. Family. Freedom.” So, at least he’s upfront about what he believes. Huckabee says, “My faith is my life – it defines me. My faith doesn't influence my decisions, it drives them.” Romney, eh, not so much, you don’t know what he believes. You don't get the feeling that Romney is genuine. People see through that shit.

Hillary: Arrogant. Another phony. All spin. Madeleine Albright and Bubba in the background were distracting. Hillary might as well have staggered off the stage. She looked done. Toast. She and her campaign are powerful enough, however, that they’ll be back. With a vengeance. She’s just not very likeable. And she and her henchmen likely will get very nasty, very soon.

Obama: Soaring, inspirational oratory. The best speech of the night, by far. Delivered his speech with JFKish rhythmic cadence. Very impressive. “This is not about red states and blue states. It’s about the United States.” Made you sit right up and just about jump out of your chair. Seriously – downright inspirational.

We Have Stupid Questions But No Answers

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls occasionally ponder matters less important than the Steelers. Such as? Well, for instance, presidential elections and world events.

Today's topic: The Iowa caucuses.

We don't really have opinions about the Iowa caucuses, just … stupid questions.

• Like, what the hell are the Iowa caucuses?

• And, if they're so important, why doesn't every state hold caucuses instead of conventional primary elections?

• Also, if Iowa is such a bellwether state in January, why is it inconsequential in November? On election night, nobody has ever said or is going to say, "It comes down to Iowa. It's too close to call in Iowa." No. You never hear that. It's always Florida. Or Ohio. Illinois. Pennsylvania. Michigan. Even, in 1960, West Virgina. Never Iowa.

• One more question: How are the Republican candidates going to spin the immigration issue when they get to a state that actually has, you know, immigrants? It's one thing to talk big in Iowa, but let's hear what they have to say in, say, New York.

Just asking.

New Year's Resolutions

This could be a one-game playoff for the Steelers if they fail to make good on the following two New Year's Resolutions: (1) STOP THE RUN; and (2) RUN THE BALL.

On Saturday night, neither will be easy. The Jax Jags ran all over the Steelers defense just three weeks ago, and the Jags boast the AFC’s top running game this season. The Steelers obviously miss injured defensive and Aaron Smith, badly, and tackling has been generally sloppy for the past month or so.

On offense, the Steelers’ running game was non-existent in Baltimore, so there is scant evidence that the team can overcome the loss of Willie Parker, the NFL’s leading rusher at the time he went down with a broken leg in St. Louis.

Now, too, the offensive line is seriously depleted with the loss of both starting left tackle Marvel Smith and backup Max Starks. The prospect of doughboy Trai Essex, a healthy scratch most of the season, now playing left tackle doesn’t shore up confidence in the running game.

Worse, the prospect of Trai Essex protecting Ben Roethlisberger’s blind side is scary, to say the least. Very scary. That, and the idea of center Sean Mahan once again getting manhandled by the Jaguars’ John Henderson bodes ill for the passing game.

So, once again, it is imperative the Steelers run the ball effectively. And stop the run.

Still, there’s hope. Steelers defensive coordinator Dick Lebeau has already seen what the Jags’ running game can do, so adjustments surely will be made to counter what worked so well for Jacksonville the last time the two teams met. Although Jacksonville quarterback David Garrard has played well all season, this will be his first appearance in a playoff game. If LeBeau has some tricks up his sleeve to befuddle Garrard, maybe the Steelers can win the turnover battle and put some quick points up on the board.

Yeah, it’s a lot of “ifs,” but what the hell.

“If ‘ifs and buts’ were beer and nuts, we’d have a hell of a party.”

Speaking of parties, nobody’s going to throw a pity party for the Cleveland Browns, who blew their chance to make the playoffs when they lost to the stinkin’ Bengals in the next-to-last game of the season. With a win vs. the Bengals, the Browns could have won the division. Instead, they didn’t even make the playoffs.

It’s so typically Brownies. It’s funny, actually.

As coach Mike Tomlin said about the Steelers after Willie Parker was sidelined with his injury, “Nobody’s going to throw us a pity party. Nobody’s going to care that we have problems. In fact, they’re probably glad we’ve got ‘em.”

Addendum: Speaking of pity parties, nothing of the sort is needed for Brian Billick, fired from his position as head coach of the Baltimore Ravens. The smug, arrogant and egotistical Billick has three years remaining on a contract that will pay him $5 million annually. Even if he takes a job in television -- something he might actually be good at -- he will still collect that $15 million. Good riddance and good luck, asshole.

Send Out the Clowns

As a Steelers fan who is glad the little Brownies are competitive again (finally resuscitating the storied Pittsburgh-Cleveland rivalry), JPPBs also relish the squirming discomfort, anxiety and angst the Cleveland Browns and their fans must be experiencing this week.

Because the Browns laid a colossal egg on Sunday in Cincinnati, they need help just to make the playoffs. As explained on the Brownies' Web site, here’s how it shakes out for them:

** The Browns and Tennessee Titans are both 9-6 heading into the season's final week.

** The Titans play at Indianapolis in a game that means nothing to the Colts, who have clinched a first-round bye. If the Colts win, the Browns are in. If the Titans win, the Browns are out.

** If the Browns do get in, they'll be the sixth seed and play at Pittsburgh or San Diego.

The Browns = The Clowns.

As for the Steelers, all the speculation about playoff seeding is pointless. They will be the No. 4 seed. The only way the Steelers can finish as the No. 3 seed is if they end the regular season with a better record than the San Diego Chargers, who currently have the same record, 10-5, as the Steelers. If the two teams are tied, either at 10-6 or at 11-5, the Chargers will be the No. 3 seed.

The Chargers play at Oakland (4-11) on Sunday at 4:15 p.m (EST), while the Steelers play at Baltimore (4-11), also at 4:15 p.m.

The Chargers will defeat the Raiders, so the Steelers will enter the playoffs as the No. 4 seed, no matter what they do at Baltimore.

As the No. 4 seed, the Steelers will host the Jacksonville Jaguars. Oh-oh.

Santa's Work Is Done.

Christmas time's a comin' ...

"Christmas comes but once a year
And to me it brings good cheer
And to everyone
Who likes wine and beer."
-- Bessie Smith

Hangin' out n' 'at ...

Now he's in India ...

But Santa's busy ...

As do others ...

Santa appears to be in Sweden ...

WANTED

Rough Night for Santa ...

Santa spent most of the night stretched out on a soiled mattress. Haunted. Staring at a bare light bulb strung from the ceiling of a cold-water room in a flophouse hotel over a waterfront saloon. The bookies were on his trail.

Santa's Journey

Feeling a little hungover from yesterday's bout with a bottle of Hennessy, Santa woke today preparing for his flight to St. Louis. Still a few errands to run, though! It's nice that he finds helpers and makes friends so easily.

In the Spirit of the Season ...

Look at it this way ...

With a game Thursday evening in St. Louis, it's a short week for Steelers fans. There's less time to stew over the way the Steelers lost their last two games.

Also, by playing in St. Louis, the Steelers get one last "home" game -- with a decent chance to out-draw the Rams in their own stadium. Green Bay Packers fans did just that yesterday, prompting this report in the Associated Press:

ST. LOUIS (AP) — It took the Green Bay Packers to sell out a St. Louis Rams game.

Much of the capacity crowd at the Edward Jones Dome on Sunday clearly rooted for the visiting team. Cheeseheads were everywhere and perhaps half of the stadium was clad in Packers’ green and yellow, helping the visitors feel right at home in a 33-14 victory.

“It’s a joke,” running back Steven Jackson said. “The whole first level is Green Bay Packers’ fans. It’s a joke. We were at Lambeau Field.”

It likely felt that way to the Rams, who have had four games blacked out on local television because they did not sell out. St. Louis is 1-6 at home and 3-11 overall with two games to go.

“You’re a little surprised to see more people in your house for the opposing team than for your team but you know it doesn’t make you real happy or real excited,” Rams linebacker Will Witherspoon said.

Surely Steelers fans can outnumber St. Louis fans in St. Louis, can't they? This should be a cinch. And it's a good thing, too, because the Steelers haven't played well on the road all season. The Rams haven't played well at home. The Steelers haven't played well on the road. Something's got to give.

Other tidbits about the Rams:

• Yesterday, at home in their own stadium (filled with Packers fans), the Rams committed 13 penalties for 93 yards.

• In 17 career starts against AFC teams, Marc Bulger (the best quarterback nobody talks about) has completed 371 of 572 passes for 4,651 yards, 27 touchdowns and 14 interceptions (95.5 passer rating). When Bulger has a 95 or better passer rating, the Rams are 19-11. Bulger, a Pittsburgh native, was a standout QB at Central Catholic High School and West Virginia University.

• When running back Steven Jackson carries the ball 24 times or more, the Rams are 8-1. In his past seven games against the AFC, Jackson has 987 yards from scrimmage (141 per game) and seven touchdowns. He looks to continue a streak of rushing touchdowns against AFC teams. A touchdown will extend that streak to five games.

• Wide receiver Torry Holt is one of the best in football. Holt has 12 100-yard games against AFC teams in his career. His counterpart Isaac Bruce is still productive and also has had a long and extremely distinguished career.

• Former running back Marshall Faulk will have his number (28) retired before the game Thursday evening.
  

• Kickoff Thursday night is 8:15 p.m. (ET).

Again, Bah, Humbug!

Yeah, yeah, we know. This is the wrong kind of momentum to have approaching the playoffs. The Steelers can't take any opponent for granted, especially going on the road. Blah, blah. That sixth seed we mentioned as a possibility last week? It's a bigger possibility this week.

The loss to Jacksonville was not at all entirely unexpected. From their inception as an NFL franchise, the Jags were built to beat the Steelers. Jacksonville has always been a tough matchup, and yesterday was no exception as the Jags out-Steelered the Steelers.

Well, Thursday evening's tussle with the 3-11 St. Louis Rams is fast-approaching. This one at least looks like a good matchup, even if it is on the road. Right? Right?! Uh, yeah, except that's what everyone said about the earlier matchups (losses) vs. the Cardinals and Jets.

Welcome, visitors from Florida

Welcome to Pittsburgh, visitors from Florida.

The forecast for Sunday's game between the Steelers and Jacksonville Jag-yoo-arrs is snow, sleet, rain, freezing rain, hornets, locusts and pestilence.

Enjoy!

The road in the picture, by the way, is the 10th Street Bypass, downtown, just across the Allegheny River and up maybe a mile from Heinz Field. The photo was taken today.

The Steelers Activate Steely McBean!

In an unfortunate turn of events, the Steelers were forced to place stalwart defensive end Aaron Smith, a longtime mainstay on the defensive line, on injured reserve, ending his season.

Smith, a nine-year veteran Pro Bowler who has never missed a game, sustained a torn biceps during Sunday's game against New England. To take his place on the 53-man roster, the Steelers activated rookie defensive end Ryan "Steely" McBean, a fourth-round pick from Oklahoma State University. McBean had been on the team's practice squad.

Smith's absence will hurt the Steelers. Badly. Especially against the run.

Unfortunately, the Jacksonville Jaguars, who visit the Steelers on Sunday, are first and foremost a running team, featuring breakaway threats Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew.

Oh-oh.

Take Heart

Not to sound an alarm, but the Steelers are at risk of not making the playoffs.

Psych! Not really. Just wanted to get your attention.

However … the Steelers very conceivably could lose two of three to wind up being the sixth seed – just like they were in 2005, and we all know how well that worked out.

Just looking ahead for a moment … Jacksonville, with the same 9-4 record as the Steelers, always plays the Steelers tough and definitely could win in Pittsburgh on Sunday.

Cleveland (8-5) could just as easily run the table and win the division outright, if the Steelers lose two of their final three games. Cleveland hosts Buffalo (6-7), visits Cincinnati (5-8), and plays at home to San Francisco (3-10) in their season finale. All three games are eminently winnable for the Browns.

Given the Steelers’ performances against the Cardinals, Jets and Dolphins, nobody should presume they will beat the St. Louis Rams (3-10). They should, but given how they’ve played down to inferior competition this year, it’s not a gimme. Then in the last game of the season, division-rival Baltimore (4-9) on the road is always tough.

So, if the Steelers lose to the Jag-you-ares on Sunday, beat the Rams and lose to Baltimore … and if Cleveland wins all three of their remaining games, the Brownies win the division, if Cleveland finishes at 11-5 and the Steelers finish at 10-6.

The resurgent San Diego Chargers (8-5) have a relatively easy schedule with winnable home games vs. Detroit (6-7) and Denver (6-7) and a road game at Oakland (4-9). They could easily finish 11-5 to move ahead of the Steelers as the fifth seed, if the Steelers lose two of three and the Browns win all three.

For all that, the Steelers almost certainly have at least the sixth seed locked up. Even if the Steelers somehow finish at 10-6, they should make the playoffs. Buffalo, currently at 7-6, is the next best long shot, but the Bills already have five losses in the conference (vs. three losses in the conference for the Steelers). Ditto the Tennessee Titans (7-6), also with five losses in the conference. (Note: The intra-conference record is the first tie-breaker of consequence in this convoluted scenario).

And, if the Bills knock off Cleveland, it’s almost certainly a moot point: The Steelers should win the AFC North.

Besides, the Steelers will win all three of their remaining games. Right?

Footnote: Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls knew the Bawl’more Ravens were struggling, but we didn’t realize to what extent. Brian Billick’s minions are riding a seven-game losing streak and are 1-9 against AFC teams. One and nine. Yikes. Bill Cowher probably is discussing the soon-to-be head coaching vacancy with Baltimore management right now.

That would be fun.

Bah, Humbug!

Well, that didn't go so well, did it?

It could have been worse, it could have been better. It was the best of times, it was the worst of ... just shut up.

That goes double for you, Anthony Smith. Next time, just shut up and play the game. Way to get their attention. Smith might as well have had a target on his back. Smith's play yesterday was even more embarrassing than his lame "guarantee" last week.

About the Patriots, as former Arizona Cardinals coach Denny Green said of the Chicago Bears last year, "Let's just crown their asses."

Anthony Smith and the secondary got burned, repeatedly. The offensive line, "anchored" at the center position by Sean Mahan, couldn't generate the push they needed to convert short-yardage situations, especially inside the red zone. Mahan got tossed around like a rag doll. Again.

Was the offensive line’s inability to generate an inside push the reason for the end-around call at the goal line? Do we detect a lack of confidence? The play-calling was at times curious, to say the least.

Special teams -- again-- surrendered a long kickoff return, plus a turnover. Daniel Sepulveda's punts continue to look average, at best, and Alan Rossum continues to look slow. He is contributing virtually nothing on returns. At least Sepulveda didn't get any punts blocked, and Rossum didn't fumble. Yes, it could have been worse.

The team is getting almost nothing from its 2007 draft class. Too late to do anything about that.

Next up: Jacksonville.

Buckle up. It could be a bumpy ride.

Lest we forget ...

"A day that will live in infamy."

Reasons to believe ...

This is probably more wishful/hopeful thinking than anything, but Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls take solace in finding hope in the distinct possibility that …

• Fast Willie Parker will have a big game racking up massive chunks of yardage on the fast FieldTurf at Gillette Stadium. Parker has had huge games on FieldTurf previously (at Paul Brown Stadium in Cincinnati, for example; and yeah, we know, it’s the Bengals). Good luck, Junior, keeping up.

• The Steelers will exploit the Patriots’ aging inside linebackers not only with Parker, but with the tight ends and receivers on crossing patterns and seam routes over the middle. Again, good luck, Junior, keeping up. That would be Junior, as in, 38-year-old Junior Seau, who got spun around like a top by the Ravens’ Willis McGahee on Monday night. Repeatedly.

• The Patriots’ aging Rodney Harrison will limp off the field, preferably early in the game. The 34-year-old Harrison limped off the field with an apparent hamstring problem at the end of the game in Baltimore Monday night. Good luck, Sterod, keeping up with Heath Miller, Santonio Holmes, Nate Washington and company.

• Supermodel Gisele Bundschen will cringe and gasp in horror as James Harrison makes Tom Brady his bitch, emphatically. And repeatedly. On Monday night, Baltimore’s rookie linebacker Antwan Barnes looked strikingly similar to The Silverback, as Barnes used leverage and technique to swoop around left tackle Matt Light. Barnes is about the same size as Harrison. Although shorter than most defensive ends, both seem to know how to use their considerable strength, speed, leverage and technique to advantage.

• Steelers defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau will craft a typically ingenious game plan to outsmart the wickedly ingenious and evil Patriots’ braintrust.

• DeShea Townsend, always a good cover corner, will blanket Donte Stallworth.

• Tyrone Carter will “mitigate” Wes Welker.

• Ike Taylor will persuade Randy Moss to Face Me Ike.
  

It’s a lot to hope for, but that’s what Christmas is all about.

Addendum:
From David Fleming, ESPN Page 2: "Thirty-Three Reasons the Steelers Will Win on Sunday"