At Least We Don't Live in Cleveland

The "kinder, gentler" Joey Porter's Pit Bulls can take only so much. Following a wondrously disastrous June, we figured it was time to cut the Pirates a break. Look on the bright side, we said. So what if they were losing? They had brought up some of the young guys, and even had won five of seven games before embarking on their current road trip.

So much for optimism.

They promptly lost all three games to the dreadful Astros, and then, last night, lost in Milwaukee, 5-4, to put them 26 games under .500 for the season. The story of last night's loss was the collapse of the bullpen. As happens so often with this year's edition of the Pirates, however, there's always something else, shall we say, unique in the way they find a way to lose.

There were baserunning gaffes, of course, with Jose Tabata caught stealing and picked off, as well as a fielding error, by Ryan Doumit, plus the eight runners the team left on base. No, those sorts of things are neither unique or even unusual.

What was unique in this particular loss was something that happened in truly "only the Pirates" fashion.

As described by the Post-Gazette's Dejan Kovacevic, the Pirates "lost an apparent run in the eighth to lousy luck: Two outs after Garrett Jones doubled, Milledge grounded sharply up the middle, and it looked to be an RBI single that would have put the Pirates ahead, 5-2. But it ricocheted off the foot of second base umpire Chris Guccione and, by rule, Jones had to return to second even though Milledge got the single."

Only the Pirates. Unbelievable, but we're getting used to this sort of thing. We've come to expect it.

Then, just to pile on, there's the current edition of Sports Illustrated with a lengthy article titled, "Not a Pretty Picture," which describes the Pirates as "the most futile franchise in sports."

Whatever. One could make the case for the Detroit Lions, the Los Angeles Clippers, the Cleveland Browns, the Cleveland Cavaliers (ouch!) or anything else related to Cleveland, but at this point why quibble? G. Ogden Nutting, Frank Coonelly, Neal Huntington, et al, have created this mess, this laughingstock of a franchise, and we have to live with it (until Steelers season).

Maybe we're just being cranky.

Maybe we should look on the bright side: At least we don't live in Cleveland. Just like LeBron James -- right, Clevelanders?

Photo Credit: Benny Sieu, Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

Random Recommended Link:
Check out The Society to Preserve Millvale Murals of Maxo Vanka,
St. Nicholas Croatian Catholic Church, Millvale, Pa.

A Happy Fourth of July Indeed

Fun day at PNC Park yesterday -- even, presumably, for the many Phillies fans attending, and even they were cool. It was actually nice to have them visit our fair city --there was no Santa Claus to boo, after all, and they were on their best behavior. And the Pirates won -- their fifth win in seven games.

So, a good day all around.

A perfect summer day, in fact, with entertaining baseball, an upbeat crowd, and a feeling of festive holiday fun. PNC Park and the city skyline looked gorgeous, as usual, the fragrant aroma of fried foods filled the air, and the Pirates won with a come-from-behind, six-run rally in the seventh inning and some fine bullpen work from new All-Star Evan Meek, Joel Hanrahan and Octavio Dotel.

The Pirates showed many promising signs of better things to come, hopefully.

With the Pirates looking at a 5-2 deficit and third baseman Pedro Alvarez walking to the plate to lead off the bottom of the seventh, this particular fan attending the game growled hopefully, "Now let's get back in it." Pedro obliged affirmatively, promptly belting a low line-drive home run carried with sudden impact and rapid velocity just to the right of the Heinz sign in straightaway center field. It was good to see, and another indication that Alvarez will be just fine, coming as it did following a lasered liner to right field earlier in the game and Alaverez's first major league home run the previous night.

This second home run was fairly no doubt, with the only question momentarily being whether the rope of a line drive would maintain enough height to clear the wall approximately 400 feet away. It did, and the Bucs were on their way.

The "Ryan Express" (Ryan Doumit and Ryan Church) followed with a single and double, respectively. After a pitching change, pinch-hitter Delwyn Young delivered a flare double down the left-field line to tie the game. Jose Tabata and Neil Walker then reached base before Garrett Jones emphatically rapped a line-drive single to bring both runners home and put the game out of reach. The bullpen sealed the deal, and everyone went home happy ... to walk the dog, spend time with family and friends, grill some food, share some laughs, ooh-and-ahh at the evening's fireworks, and then blow some stuff up.

Random thoughts:

• Congratulations to Evan Meek on being named to the All-Star team. Meek deserves it. Obviously, Andrew McCutchen could easily have been named to the team, too, and deservedly so.

• Garret Jones quietly plays a very solid first base, defensively. Jones started a nifty double play yesterday and handled several tricky throws. This is routine stuff for Jones, and maybe it's time he gets some credit for his defense, not that anyone notices slick defense at first base. Only brutal defense at first base gets noticed. But Jones provides a steady, reliable glove at first, and that's a good thing for an infield with rookies starting at second and third base.

• The numbers don't show it yet, but Jose Tabata and Pedro Alvarez look like they belong. Both players are starting to hit, and both should be fine.

June is gone. Forget about it, or consider it a life lesson. Sometimes you have to hit bottom to bounce back. The second half of the season is underway. Better days are here, and better days are ahead. This team has a long way to go, but it will be a fun to watch the rest of the way.

Coda Sez ...

Happy Independence Day!!!

As for last night's Pirates' loss, 12-4, to the Phillies, fuh-ged-about-t! It ain't nuthin'! We'll get 'em today, fellas!!

Sure, they'd won three in a row entering last night's game, but the Bucs haven't won four games in a row all season -- so why worry about it? There's plenty-a-time left!

It's a beautiful day for a ballgame! Jeff Karstens goes for the Bucs today vs. tomato can Joe Blanton. First pitch: 1:35 p.m., PNC Park.

The Pirates have a lot going for them this year. They're tied for the major league lead with eight wins when they score two or fewer runs. There's that. And, as pointed out today in the Post=Gazette, "Of the Pirates' 29 wins, 23 have come by two or fewer runs, the highest such ratio in Major League Baseball."

There's plenty to celebrate this Fourth of July! A Pirates win today, for one thing, sure as fireworks! ... and then, let's burn some meat on the grill, set off some explosions and blow some stuff up!!

“Thus may the 4th of July, that glorious and ever memorable day, be celebrated through America, by the sons of freedom, from age to age till time shall be no more.”
-- The Virginia Gazette, following the first Independence Day celebration, 1777, in Philadelphia, which included fireworks, cannons and toasts.

"Red necks, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer!!!"

It's the Fourth of July!!!!

Happy Birthday America!

For your edification, here is some more information about this most American of holidays, including ...

Some interesting tidbits and factoids about Independence Day/Fourth of July, courtesy of the Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette in Indiana. It notes that ...

"A popular e-mail that has circulated more than a decade on the Internet, often titled 'The Price They Paid,' seeks to explain 'what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence.' Unfortunately, much of the information is wrong, exaggerated or misleading.

"For example, the e-mail states that '9 of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.' In actuality, according to snopes.com, which researches the veracity of Web rumors, although nine signers did die during the war, none died from wounds or hardships inflicted by the British. One, Button Gwinnett of Georgia, died in a duel with a fellow U.S. officer."

Also, courtesy of The Billings Gazette in Montana: "What You May Not Know About Independence Day May Surprise You"

It's a Miracle in Milledgeville!

Ignore that photo above. It's from June, and that's ancient history. It's July now, and better days are here already!

Exhibit A: Lastings Milledge actually made a diving catch last night. So what if he's missed a ton of diving attempts this season. He made one last night, and it was a key play -- an ESPN highlight play no less -- in the Pirates' 2-0 (?!!) win (?!!) over the Phillies (???!).

It brought to mind his wondrous catch June 5, when he belly-flopped on the warning track in left field to make the diving catch for the snow-coned third out with the bases loaded in the ninth inning of a thrilling win over the San Francisco Giants -- and how's that for a run-on sentence?

Yes, last night, Lastings Milledge actually got a reasonably good break on the ball off the bat, took a straight-line path to the anticipated arrival point, launched into one of his patented belly-flop dives, and -- in a hold-your-breath moment -- actually came up with the ball secure in his glove. He looked as surprised as we were for a moment, but there it is. He made the catch, so give him credit.

For all the guff we give him, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls like Lastings Milledge. We want him to do well and to have fun doing it. As much as we've expressed wonder and dismay at his defensive follies, especially his uncanny ability to make diving attempts but come up just short ... we do like Milledge. We wish he'd hit for more power and play a better defensive game, but hey, look on the bright side: His average has been on the upswing for nearly a month, and now he's made another diving catch. It's all good.

Perhaps we fans could do something more to show support for Lastings Milledge. How about this -- Display a banner in a section of the right-field stands declaring it "Milledgeville."

No? Bad idea? Oh, that's right, that whole Ben Roethlisberger episode of Law & Order set in Milledgeville, Ga.

Okay, on second thought, scratch that ... maybe the Pirates' PR department can come up with something. Oh, never mind -- bad idea.

Bad Pirates: June in Review

As bad as the Steelers' June has been, they've got nothing on the Pirates.

That's right: The Steelers' entire off-season, as tumultuous and negative as it has been, arguably has nothing on the month just concluded by the Pirates.

Just a couple of telling examples of how June went:

1. On June 17, the Pirates had more errors (six) than hits (five) in a 7-2 loss to the White Sox in a display of fielding, pitching and batting ineptitude that overshadowed rookie Pedro Alvarez's debut. In that game, they committed four errors in one inning.
2. On June 27, the Pirates committed more errors (four) than the opponent scored runs (three) in a 3-2 loss to Oakland. In that game, they committed two errors on one play.

But there's more, oh so much more, and we'll get to that shortly.

During most of the past 17 years, the Pirates typically go into a June Swoon, spiraling completely out of contention and further into irrelevance, as people begin to count the days until Steelers' training camp.

This year, however, the Pirates outdid themselves. Beginning June 6 and all the way through June 27, the Pirates won two games. Two! For the month as a whole, they bumbled their way to a 6-20 record -- including 2-13 in interleague play and 2-17 on the road ... two-and-17!!??!!! -- to bring their overall season record to 27-51 (a .346 winning percentage) ... for a June Swoon to end all June Swoons.

Actually, they went above and beyond.

Yes, the Pirates indeed outdid themselves with their on-field incompetence but worse -- much, much worse -- with their front office mendacity, hijinks, shenanigans, tomfoolery, incompetence, chicanery, venality, and sheer incompetence.

Let's review.

In June, the Pirates managed to effect, endure and/or bring to culmination several public relations disasters and on-field fiascoes that included but were not limited to ...

• Deceit, Mendacity, Truth-Shading, and -- let's get real -- Prevarication by the Front Office -- This tops the list. Displaying all the PR savvy of BP and all the opaque transparency of North Korea, Frank Coonelly, Pirates president, finally revealed, grudgingly and on the crest of a 10-game losing streak, that general manager Neal Huntington and manager John Russell had received contract extensions during the off-season. "Gasp!" We're okay with Huntington and Russell receiving extensions -- what else were they going to do? -- but why withhold the information? What was the point? Why be coy (deceitful) about it? What were they trying to accomplish (hide)? This isn't like other businesses. To a degree, it's a public trust. Are Coonelly and owner Bob Nutting ashamed to admit they gave their two most visible, public-facing guys contract extensions? Coonelly and Nutting should be ashamed -- not that they handed out extensions, but that they shaded the truth, withheld vital information and deceived the media and (more importantly) their customers. While doing so, they let Huntington and Russell twist in the wind of myriad rumors and rampant speculation that they were about to be fired. For no discernible reason, either. The result? Pirates' president Frank Coonelly torpedoed his own fragile credibility, and that of the entire corporate management team (including [and especially] owner Bob Nutting), by repeatedly refusing to disclose this information. With this tomfoolery, Coonelly and Nutting shredded their own credibility. Trust and credibility cannot be bought and cannot be easily rebuilt. Not by those characters (Coonelly, who has the appearance of a law-degree-wielding hatchet man; and Nutting, who operates in the shadows). Would you trust anything else these guys say? Didn't think so. Not at this point. It's as if they deemed the public not worthy of the information. It's as if they were saying, "We don't trust anybody else because ... well, we don't even trust ourselves. And we don't trust ourselves to be open, candid and honest because ... well, because we know better. We know we're shifty. Shaky. Slithery. Snaky. Underhanded. We just assume everybody else is, too. We don't trust anybody else because we ourselves are not trustworthy." That's a terrible, terrible thing. It's a shame. Sadly, pitiably, however, that's the message team president Frank Coonelly sent. Only the Pirates.

• Speaking of Management Foolishness -- Expressing dismay at the Pirates' performance by saying he was "shocked" and "frustrated," owner Bob Nutting evoked Claude Rains's Capt. Reynaud in Casablanca: "I am shocked -- shocked! -- to find incompetence in this organization!" Yeah, okay, cheap shot, but really, how could he be shocked? He presides over this mess.
  

• The Standings -- The Pirates opened the month 10 games under .500 and closed it 24 games under .500. On June 1, the Pirates were in fourth place, ahead of Milwaukee and Houston. Today, of course, they’re in last place -- 16.5 games out of first place.

• The Great Pierogie Purge of 2010 -- This stupidity made national news and truly made the Pirates' organization a laughingstock. Someone in Pirates' management apparently had nothing better to do than ... monitoring the Facebook postings of part-time pierogies? That even SOUNDS ridiculous. And who gave THAT directive? Really, don't they have anything better to do? Apparently not. Only the Pirates.

• The Curious Case of Aki Iwamura -- After finding no takers in a trade, the Pirates finally demoted Iwamura, their big off-season acquisition and highest-paid player ($4.85 million salary) to Class AAA Indianapolis. This, after Iwamura couldn't his weight, batting .182 or something, while showing absolutely no ability to play defense or even run. At all. Ridiculous. Only the Pirates.
  

• The 12-Game Losing Streak -- This losing streak speaks for itself. The Pirates went from June 6 to June 19 without winning a game. Only the Pirates.
  

• A Six-Game Losing Streak -- Apparently uncomfortable with winning a game or two after losing merely 12 in a row, the Pirates returned to their familiar comfort zone -- and promptly resumed their losing ways with a six-game losing streak. Here's a nugget that frames the entire month of June: Beginning June 6 and all the way through June 27, the Pirates won two games. Two!!! Now that is truly amazing. Only the Pirates.
  

• Seventeen Consecutive Losses on the Road -- The Pirates in June managed to achieve major league baseball's second-worst road losing streak of the past 40 years. The Buccos capped their streak in astonishing, if not unbelievable fashion, by losing in Oakland after two bizarre play sequences late in the game: (1) Catcher Jason Jaromillo dropped a foul pop-up in the eighth inning of a tie game, only to have the batter hit a home run two pitches later; and (2) End the game by having a base runner, Pedro Alvarez, get hit by a batted ball ... which is something you rarely see in major league baseball -- and certainly never to end a game. You couldn't make this stuff up. Unbelievable. Only the Pirates.

• Two Serious, Concussion-Inducing Collisions Involving Second Basemen and Right Fielders -- Unbelievably, and this ain't funny, the Pirates in June managed to have two infielder/outfielder collisions ... within three days ... at virtually the same spot on two different fields ... involving two separate sets of second basemen and right fielders ... resulting in concussions for the two second basemen, Neil Walker and Bobby Crosby, both of whom were playing well at the time they got hurt. That's right: two cities; two Pirates' second basemen; two Pirates' right fielders; two collisions; two concussions. Only the Pirates.

• Ryan Church, Now Batting .174 – On June 11, Manager John Russell inserted outfielder Ryan Church, batting .190 at the time, into the lineup as “Designated Hitter” to open an interleague series in Detroit. Predictably, Church went oh-for-four. As the DH. Over the month of June, for what it’s worth, Church batted .100, going 4-40 at the plate. Yikes. That particular night’s lineup in Detroit also had Lastings Milledge, with no home runs, starting in left field; Aki Iwamura, batting .178, starting at second base; Jason Jaromillo, batting .185, at catcher; and catcher Ryan Doumit starting at first base. Jarmomillo had a passed ball and Doumit, playing out of position, had a fielding gaffe that could have been called an error, and the Tigers unceremoniously beat the Pirates. For what it’s worth, later in the month, Russell once again fielded a lineup with three position players batting .200 or less. Only the Pirates.

• The Ryan Doumit Experiment at First Base – Apparently wanting to prove that Doumit could indeed play first base, manager John Russell put Doumit back in the lineup at first the very next night in Detroit. Doumit committed a crucial error that led to Detroit scoring the go-ahead run late in the game, which the Pirates lost 4-3 for their seventh straight loss, dropping them to 16 games under .500 -- on June 13.

• Andy LaRoche, Utility Infielder – Following that same June 13 game in Detroit, general manager Neal Huntington admitted the obvious and let it be known publicly that struggling third baseman Andy LaRoche would lose his starting job at third base to super-prospect Pedro Alvarez once Alvarez was promoted to the big club. Huntington didn’t say when that would be, or why Alvarez hadn’t been promoted already, but he did make it clear that soon, LaRoche would no longer have a starting job. It might have had something to do with the fact that it took LaRoche more than a third of the season to accumulate just 11 RBIs. Projecting to about 33 runs batted for the entire season – for a corner infielder – that ain’t good, but it’s incredible.

• The Stephen Strasburg Debut – Also on June 8, The Pirates played the Washington Generals to rookie Stephen Strasburg’s Harlem Globetrotters in Strasburg’s sparkling major-league debut, which rightfully received unparalleled national media coverage as the most-anticipated rookie debut in generations. Strasburg more than lived up to the hype by striking out 14 Pirates and walking just one in seven innings to win his first major league game. He closed out his performance by striking out the last seven Pirates he faced.

• NFL Head Coach Rex Ryan “Strikes Out” Two Pirates – Following Strasburg’s debut, even New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan used the Pirates as comedic stooges. Having fun at a press conference in New York, Ryan showed spliced video clips of Pirates batters Lastings Milledge and Delwynn Young flailing away at pitches from Strasburg – but appearing to have been thrown by Ryan, who had thrown the ceremonial first pitch at a New York Mets game earlier in the week. The rotund Ryan was just having fun – it just happened to be Pirates superimposed onto the screen to make them appear to be swinging and missing at “pitches” thrown by the roly-poly, white-haired coach. Only the Pirates.

• The 40^th Anniversary of Dock Ellis’s LSD No-Hitter -- On June 12, the Pirates – okay, maybe not the Pirates, but Pirates fans and baseball observers across the nation – noted the 40^th anniversary of the late, great Dock Ellis’s LSD No-Hitter in San Diego. For a particularly trenchant take on the feat, watch the DVD, “Weapons of Self-Destruction” by comic Robin Williams, who offers uniquely appreciative and insightful observations on what it must be like to pitch on LSD in a major league ballgame. It took years for Ellis to overcome his reluctance to talk about pitching a no-hitter on LSD. He overcame his reticence, however, after becoming a counselor on addictions – it was as if he said, “Oh, what the hell ... " – and described one play accordingly: “One point I covered first base, and I caught the ball and tagged the base, all in one motion, and I said, ‘Oh, I just made a touchdown!’” Rest in Peace, Dock Ellis.

• The MLB Draft -- On June 8, the Pirates participated in the yearly amateur player draft. The Bucs, holding the second pick in the draft, rolled the dice and selected hard-throwing high-school pitcher Jameson Taillon. It was a gutsy pick and, in fact, general manager Neal Huntington called it “gut-wrenching” – which indicates doubt, angst and anxiety – and therefore may not impart a lot of confidence to anxious fans longing for an infusion of talent. It may not matter much in the long run: The Pirates still have to sign Taillon to a contract, and that’s not a given.

• Tony Sanchez’s Season-Ending Injury – This was another of those freaky “bad-luck” incidents where 2009 first-round draft pick Tony Sanchez, who had been playing extremely well, was hit by a pitch that broke his jaw. This was a real shame for Sanchez, who in recognition of his all-around play had been named to the Future All-Stars game the very day he got hurt. He had been playing so well, in fact, that many observers (like this one) had been wondering aloud why he had not been promoted to Class AA Altoona already -- which turned into frustrated and dismayed second-guessing after the injury. Now Sanchez's forthcoming promotion will be delayed indefinitely. He will likely lose the rest of the season -- a huge step back, as he loses valuable developmental time in his quest to reach the majors.

• The Beer-Stein Typo – With everything else going on, this gaffe went under the radar a little bit, but the Pirates even screwed up a promotional giveaway to fans attending PNC Park on June 19. The team handed out very nice ceramic beer steins to highlight the Pirates’ 1960 championship season. The glasses contained a picture of the 1960 team and box scores of all seven games in the 1960 World Series. Just one problem, from what we understand: One of the scores contained a typo – and showed the Yankees beating the Pirates in a game the Pirates had actually won. “E-Bay here we come!” Only the Pirates.

• The Dana Eveland Debacle -- This may not have matched the sheer futility and absurdity of the Aki Iwamura Fiasco, but still … on June 23, the Pirates released newly acquired pitcher Dana Eveland, for whom general manager Neal Huntington had recently acquired in a trade. Pitching just nine-and-two-thirds innings in just three games with the Pirates, including one start, Eveland surrendered 15 hits and posted an 8.38 ERA. The Pirates released Eveland following a losing effort – not all his fault, or even mostly his doing -- in Texas in which the Rangers scored 14 runs on 17 hits -- and, incredibly, still left 13 on base! Thirteen LOB on top of 14 runs scored … all without slugger Josh Hamilton in the lineup ... so let's be thankful: It could have been worse. Only the Pirates.
  

Yep, this was a doozy, a memorable June for the ages -- a memorable month to forget.

Finally, a Win on the Road

Woo-hoo! The Pirates won a road game for the first time in 18 games spanning more than a month.

Now if only their right fielders and second basemen would stop colliding, they should be okay. "It's like the Bermuda Triangle down there," observed Manager John Russell.

It's always something.

After describing last night's collision between Lastings Milledge and Bobby Crosby, the Talking Blabbermouth on ESPN's SportsCenter just had to say, "Milledge has been having some problems out there."

Always with the negative. So what if Milledge can't get out of his own way in the outfield -- let's look on the bright side.

Since June 9 -- coincidentally (?) the very day outfielder Jose Tabata was called up from Class AAA Indianapolis to take Milledge's starting job in left field -- Lastings Milledge has the highest batting average in the majors (.436) to raise his season average from .246 to .276. On Sunday in Oakland, he even hit his first home run of the year. So there.

It's all good. The win last night in Chicago pushed the Pirates' season record on the road to 10-31 and their overall season record to to 26-51 for a .342 win percentage. Yay! The win last night also improved their record in June to 5-19 -- things are looking up!

Tonight, it's Jeff Karstens vs. Ted Lilly, whom the Buccos own, along with the Cubs overall. In fact, the Bucs have won eight of 10 so far this season vs. the Cubs, and we fully expect the winning to continue. They're on a roll!

Beat 'em Bucs!

What Next?

The Steelers' off-season turmoil continues with news that starting right tackle Willie Colon sustained an Achilles heel injury that likely will sideline him for the season.

Who will play right tackle? Trai Essex, moved over from guard? Jonathan Scott, the four-year veteran who started eight games last year for Buffalo? Ramon Foster??? Tony Hills?&#!?? Chris Scott?!#*?? Kyle Jolley!!???

Good heavens. Well, it's nice to know they have plenty of options.
Kinda like the Pirates.

A Perfect Ending

Only the Pirates ...

Oh, wait, we did that riff already, and only last week.

Sigh. Here we go again.

Only the Pirates could close out a loss to cap a disastrous road trip the way they did yesterday in Oakland.

Only the Pirates could could record the final out of their sixth straight loss -- their 17th straight road loss in their 17th straight losing season -- by hitting one of their own baserunners with a batted ball. In a one-run game, no less. Only the Pirates.

Has this ever happened before? Anywhere? It must have, but, still. Wow.

Let's see: Their 4-19 record so far in June, during which they've already had a 12-game losing streak in addition to the current six-game losing streak, has brought their season record to a neatly symmetrical 25-50.

For every game they've won this year, they've lost two.

But that doesn't nearly begin to tell the story. It's the way they lose -- plus all the other crap, especially the front office mis-steps, hijinks, shenanigans, chicanery and tomfoolery -- that defines your 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates.

Well, maybe not your Pittsburgh Pirates, but Neil Huntington's and Frank Coonelly's 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Laughingstock of Baseball.

Read gory details of yesterday's game in Chuck Finder's re-cap in the Post-Gazette here.

Every Day is Sunday for the Pittsburgh Pirates

"A career night for Trevor Cahill!" bellowed the Talking Head on the MLB Network after the Oakland A's pitcher and his teammates limited the Pirates to just two hits in a 5-0 shutout win over the Bucs last night in Oakland.

This came one night after the same loudmouth blared "Unbelievable!" three times to describe the Pirates having lost 15 consecutive games away from PNC Park.

Well, now the Bucs have lost 16 games in a row on the road.

Will they make it 17 straight? ... which would align symmetrically with their 17 straight losing seasons.

Sixteen losses in a row (on the road) "only" puts them third on major league baseball's all-time list, behind only the 1990 (?) Brewers, who lost 17, and the 1985 Pirates (also known as "The Cocaine Drug Trial Pirates"), who hold the all-time record with 19 consecutive road losses (amid other distractions they had going that year).

One might ask how a major league team can lose 16 straight road games, but the more pertinent question at this point is whether this year's edition of Neil Huntington's and Frank Coonelly's Pirates will seize the all-time record of 20 straight losses on the road. Now that would be something.

That would be something to cap this already illustrious season of fired pierogies, secretive contract extensions, a 12-game losing streak, abysmal pitching, a franchise-record 20-0 loss and botched roster moves, including the Aki Iwamura fiasco, among other misadventures.

So, in anticipation of today's game in Oakland, we wonder whether Pirates manager John Russell, desperate for a win, will trot out his "Sunday" lineup, which is usually comprised of three or four backups. The question then becomes, what is the Pirates Sunday lineup, and how would you distinguish it from the "everyday" lineup?

It's wacky.

Will Russell today find a place for deposed third baseman-turned-utility infielder Andy LaRoche? Will Jason Jaromillo start at catcher? Who among the luminaries of Ryan Church, Lastings Milledge and Delwyn Young will find playing time?

Does it really matter?

So far in June, the Pirates have a won-loss record of 4-18. If they lose today, their season record will be 25-50.

At least they've got that going for them.

Pirates Fall Fall Flat, Come Up Short. Again.

The Pirates. Sigh.

Only the Pirates could make national buffoonery-type headlines by firing a part-time racing pierogie.

• Only the Pirates would keep secret the off-season contract extensions given to the general manager and field manager, who happen to be the most visible, public-facing members of their management team.

• Only the Pirates would have traded for Aki Iwamura this past off-season, made him their highest-paid player at $4.85 million -- only to designate him for assignment by mid-June, found him to be untradeable, and, finally, demoted him to the minors, to Class AAA Indianapolis, where they have no use for him.

• Speaking of Indianapolis, only the Pirates would list no third basemen -- zero! nada!! zip!!! -- on the roster of their top farm club. As of today (third day in a row, although the site's been updated to reflect the addition of outfielder Alex Pressley), the Indians list three first basemen, three second basemen and two first basemen. In other words, there is such a paucity of third basemen in their system, they have nobody to put there (which explains, presumably, why first baseman Steve Pearce played third for the Indians on Wednesday night).

• Only the Pirates ... well, at least they're not the Orioles.

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls don't really have a problem with the individual players on the Pirates. Maybe half the players on the 25-man roster are legitimate major league players, and a few of those guys are budding stars. A handful are downright exhilarating and could play on any major league team.

The others? Eh, not so much. Most are borderline major leaguers.

We're taking the sanguine view here: It's not their fault they're not talented enough. They're just not good enough.

It is "corporate" management that we have a problem with, but that's fodder for another post (diatribe?).

We knew Texas was hot, and we don't mean the weather, although the temperatures apparently were as hot as the Rangers, who have won 12 straight games, including the past three over the Pirates.

As Redd Foxx said, "It was so hot, I saw a dog chasing a rabbit, and they was both walking."

Outfielder Lastings Milledge might as well have been walking last night, when he chased two fly balls that fell for a double and triple, respectively.

Just about anybody can misplay high drives, like the one Josh Hamilton hit into right-center field last night, or a tailing fly ball, like the one Michael Young popped along the right-field line. It was weird, however, how Milledge played both those hits last night.

Weird, but not atypical -- not for Milledge.

On the first -- the long, high drive hit by Hamilton -- Milledge took a typically circuitous, lurching route to the ball, appeared to lose track of it, slowed down, and then, suddenly, adjusted his angle sharply while putting on a sudden burst and then, finally, making an awkward twisting lunge -- only to watch the ball drop beside him for a double.

On the second misplay, popped down the right-field line by Young, Milledge took one of his usual tentative (initially) but desperate (late) runs toward the anticipated point of arrival ... only to slow down ... and, finally, make one of his patented belly-flop diving attempts -- only to fall flat on his face and come up short once again, as he has so many times this year.

As noted previously on this blog, Milledge does this all the time.

Lastings Milledge appears likeable. Although his arm is good -- he has five assists -- he is proving himself a defensive liability. Nor does he hit for power (still no home runs). So much for the "five-tool player" hype.

Milledge is among those many Pirates who fall in the category of "borderline major leaguer." He still has a lot to prove, and he's running out of time to do it.

Dana Eveland, We Hardly Knew Ye

The Pirates are in a full-blown Ewt Movement, and we're cool with that. It's about time. Still, it's going to be a long rest of the season.

And they are getting no respect, nor should they.

Last night the Texas Rangers rested slugger Josh Hamilton -- who has been on fire lately -- almost as if to give him a rest because they figured they wouldn't need him against the Pirates. Well, it turns out they didn't need Hamilton, as the Rangers scored "only" 13 runs against the Pirates woebegone pitching staff.

The Rangers scored 13 runs, had 17 hits and still, incredibly, left 13 on base.

Pirates starter Paul Maholm struggled to get out of the first inning and didn't record an out in the second.

The starting pitching has been awful all year, as Dejean Kovacevic noted today in the Post-Gazette ...

"Maybe this is a good time for a review of the starting pitchers' cumulative statistics:

• The record is 12-39, meaning they win once every six times the team takes the field. Maholm's four victories lead the staff.

• The ERA is 5.88, more than a half-run higher than any team in Major League Baseball.

• The .311 opponents' batting average is highest in the majors.

• The 57 home runs are fifth-highest, despite PNC Park generally providing the pitchers an edge in that area.

• The 219 strikeouts are the fewest.

Speaking of pitchers who stunk up the joint, the Pirates after the game decided they'd seen enough of recently acquired Dana Eveland, who got shelled last night and showed NOTHING after General Manager Neal Huntington brought him over from Toronto in a trade for Double-A pitcher Ronald Uviedo, who at least has some upside. Eveland was so bad he made only ugly three appearances for the Pirates.

Why did Huntington even trade for him? What did Huntington see in Eveland?

This trade reeks of the "deal" Dave Littlefield made to acquire broken-down catcher Benito Santiago for hard-throwing relief pitcher Leo Nunez, who has since gone on to pitch pretty well in the majors and is having an excellent season as the Florida Marlins' closer.

Huntington's trade for Eveland reminds us of that situation, if only because:

• Benito Santiago appeared in six games for the Pirates.
• Dana Eveland appeared in three games for the Pirates.

Ridiculous.

Here's Dejean Kovacevic's re-cap of the Dana Eveland mini-saga ...

"Eveland, acquired for pitching prospect Ronald Uviedo, had an 8.38 ERA and allowed 15 hits in 9 2/3 innings, including one start. General manager Neal Huntington had expressed hope at the time of the trade that Eveland would represent an upgrade to the rotation, but he ended up being a downgrade to the bullpen, as he was not nearly as effective as recently released Jack Taschner, another left-hander.

"Uviedo, 22, had been on the 40-man roster with a 3.22 ERA in 16 relief appearances for Class AA Altoona. Toronto immediately converted him to a starter, and he is 2-0 with a 4.29 ERA and a .203 opponents' batting average in four starts and one relief appearance."

The Pirates' front office should be embarrassed, but they're so full of themselves, it's doubtful they're capable of it.

This sounds absurd, too -- but we are talking about the Pirates, after all -- but one can't help but wonder why they kept Tony Sanchez at A-Ball for so long ... and, this being the Pirates, one can't help but wonder if he would never have gotten injured had he been promoted to AA a couple of weeks ago, like he should have been.

Yeah, yeah, okay, injuries can happen anytime, anywhere, so it's a ridiculous thought, but still ... it's just like the Pirates. Bad juju. They're lucky Pedro Alvarez didn't get hurt playing for Indianapolis while they postponed his promotion. In any case, it's a shame for Tony Alvarez, and we wish him a speedy recovery.

By the way, we can't let this pass without comment ...

Steve Pearce played third base for Indianapolis last night. Third? Is that a first (for Pearce)? We're guessing Aki Iwamura will play third for the Indians after he arrives tomorrow.

None of it makes any sense. Iwamura has no future with the Pirates, and they have next to no chance of trading him no matter what he does for Indianapolis.

They're just wasting his time, and he's wasting a roster spot that could be used in the development of a young prospect -- if they had any. Somebody else, anyway.

Today, the Indianapolis roster listed on the team's Web site still shows no third baseman -- not one, nada, zero! -- but it does show three second basemen, three shortstops and two first basemen. What a joke.

The Pirates organization is a laughingstock, sad to say. But we all knew that.