Play Ball! ... APRIL FOOLS, Pirates Fans!!!

Hope springs eternal in Springtime. Well, degrees of hope, anyway, if you're a fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

We'll take what we can get! ... which ain't much.

As Pirates fans, we will settle for glimmers of sporadic excellence and just enough entertainment -- good and bad -- to keep us interested throughout the season.

So far as the anticipated record in 2011, expectations are low. It's unrealistic to expect this crew to improve much. There was no major influx of on-field talent during the off-season, unless you count new manager Clint Hurdle and some of his coaching staff, and they don't play.

The pitching looks absolutely abysmal. Depth is non-existent. The fielding could be problematic. Hitting is likely to lack much punch. Speed is so-so. There you have it.

This could be a long year. Again.

Will they lose 100 games? 105? 110? 115?

Losing "only" 99 games would require at least 63 wins, an improvement of six wins over last season. That sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Or does it?

We could possibly see a slight improvement over 105 losses, which is what they had last season. But we could also see them losing, say, 115 games.

One could certainly make the case they didn't improve themselves much at all in the off-season, and that their pitching staff could be even more of a disaster than it was last year. Already, the Pirates have scrambled to sign castoffs shed from the 40-man rosters of other teams in late spring training! NOT an encouraging sign.

One thing the Pirates (and the more optimistic of their fans) seem to be banking on is continued improvement from the young position players thrust into starting roles last year. Granted, those players -- Pedro Alvarez, Neil Walker, Jose Tabata -- all show considerable promise. It is unrealistic, however, to expect all three to improve dramatically in all phases of their game, especially at the plate.

If anything, as the history of baseball has shown repeatedly, there is such a thing as "the sophomore slump," and these guys may very well fall victim to it if they fail to adjust to the adjustments to be made inevitably by opposing pitchers.

Alvarez has the most upside for power, but he definitely also has the most potential for a prodigious number of strikeouts -- 119 strikeouts in 337 at-bats last season! That's a lot of whiffs, and the number will increase with more at-bats, if he stays healthy all year. He absolutely has to get better in the field, too (17 errors in just 276 chances last year). His fielding has to be a concern, and if the Bucs are banking on the team's overall infield defense to improve based on Lyle Overbay digging out errant throws all year (from third, short and second), they are expecting too much.

Here's what ESPN has to say about Alvarez and his strikeouts vs. power potential:

"Only 16 players in the history of baseball have struck out 100-plus times in a season and averaged at least 1.25 whiffs per contest, and only three did it in 2010: Adam Dunn, Mark Reynolds and Alvarez. So when you're evaluating Alvarez's seemingly limitless potential, keep that in mind as a significant trouble spot for him entering his sophomore year. He'll be a liability in terms of batting average as long as he maintains a strikeout rate well over 30 percent (it was 34.3 percent in 2010). That, combined with his struggles versus lefties (.228/.302/.342 rates in 2010), could be exploited to the point where he'll slump enough to require an assignment back to the minors. Everything else about Alvarez's future, however, remains bright. His power upside is immense; he swatted 27 home runs in 126 games in the minors in 2009, then 29 between the majors and minors in 161 games in 2010, and his .201 isolated power was the 51st best in the modern era(1901 and later) among rookies with 300-plus plate appearances."

Overall depth is another concern: If any of the starting position players go down with an injury for any length of time, there's almost zero depth (proven depth) behind them. Say, for example, Neil Walker goes on the DL for a month -- and keep in mind that he sustained a pretty nasty concussion last year in an outfield collision with everybody's favorite, Lastings Milledge. If Walker were to go down, heaven forbid, who plays second base? Who? Who?

You could ask the same question about just about any other position, really. Third base, first base, left field, center field, catcher. Take your pick. A lot of question marks. Too many.

One of the biggest question marks already is that gaping black hole at shortstop. Unless Ronny Cedeno somehow has a breakout year -- and he's given scant evidence that he will -- the Pirates must find somebody else to play shortstop. Cedeno may be on a short leash, but there is nobody to take over. Oh, and by the way, Cedeno had 18 errors last year.

The team starts the season with, essentially, three new positional starters, at catcher (Chris Snyder, when he gets off the disabled list), first base (Lyle Overbay) and right field (the Matt Diaz/Garrett Jones platoon).

Snyder was awful at the plate and disappointing behind the plate after he came over from Arizona in the deadline deal July 30. Maybe he's good with pitchers, but that's hard for us to evaluate in any case, and especially with a pitching staff that is, ahem, uneven at best. Given his health issues, he may be damaged goods n any case.

Overbay batted .243 last year for Toronto and signed with the Pirates as a free agent only after receiving scant attention from other clubs.

Considering all this, the more it seems like the over-under should be right where they ended up last year -- at 105 losses. And Joey Porter's Pit Bulls wouldn't be at all surprised if they lose 110 or more.

For all that, here's what the Post-Gazette's Dejan Kovacevic had to say on his blog recently ...

The Pirates again will finish last, though they will fall short of 100 losses.

The mere math of turning 57-105 into something respectable is daunting. But the team made very few noteworthy additions in the offseason, and none of impact. This means that the young players have to improve and pretty dramatically. That sounds swell when people say it, but the reality is that Neil Walker and Jose Tabata both batted .300 last year. Their ceilings cannot be a whole lot higher than that. Pedro Alvarez does have big-time room for growth, but one player getting better will not do it.

More than anything, though, this is about the pitching.

If I could have seen any one thing in my week in Bradenton that could have even begun to make me think the Pirates were on the cusp of some big turnaround, it would have been seeing the starting pitchers look a lot better. Instead, to a man, they all looked the same. Same issues, same problems, same inconsistencies and, yes, almost all of the same names. And, fact is, my one week was not all that different than all the weeks of spring that preceded it.

Analyze the Pirates all you want, but nothing about them will change until the starting pitching does.

Just one more thing, and that's a quote from new infield instructor, Nick Leyva (yup, the former manager of the Phillies who once famously had an all-time profanity-filled meltdown in response to reporter's question during a post-game news conference):

Leyva quickly pointed to an offseason pick up as a reason for improvement anticipated to transcend from spring into the regular season.

"Here's the biggest reason we are better: Lyle Overbay," Leyva said of the first baseman with a .995 fielding percentage. "Nothing against the guys who played the majority of the games at first base in the past, but this is a true first baseman over there who doesn't get the recognition he should because he didn't play in New York or somewhere like that."

Dream on, Nick. Overbay can do only so much. He can't snag errant throws that are 11 feet high and wide, and he can do nothing to help the other infielders not botch plays. It's just asking too much.

The forecast? Cloudy, with a good chance for 105 losses and possibly even more.

As for today's opener in Chicago, maybe the Buccos can play a little April Fool's joke on The Little Cubbies. Hope springs eternal, doesn't it?

Happy Birthday, Manny Sanguillen!

Happy Birthday, Manny Sanguillen!

Or, as the Gunner would call him, the Happy Panamanian!

The Pirates WFC Blog offers a great write-up on Sangy's career here.

It's Just Starting to Get Drafty in Here

The NFL is in lockout mode, so there's not much to discuss. Unless, that is, you're the Post-Gazette and actually thought it worthwhile to work up a headlined article about Hines Ward practicing for "Dancing With the Stars." That's really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Aside from an possible "labor" settlement, the next major event on the calendar is the NFL Draft, which starts Thursday, April 29. Joey Porter's Pit Bulls expect a Collective Bargaining Agreement to be in place by then. If not, the draft will be held, anyway, so it's not too soon to begin looking at potential scenarios.

It's impossible to say who the Steelers might pick. We can look at positional holes to be filled -- and there are plenty -- but when your team picks 31st (too bad it's not 32nd), it's pretty much a waste of time at this point to get overly excited about individual players the Steelers might draft.

The University of Florida's Mike Pouncey -- Maurkice Pouncey's twin brother -- is perhaps the guy that tantalizes many Steelers' fans. Maurkice's success with the Steelers as a rookie Pro Bowler has elevated the level of scrutiny on Mike Pouncey, who (like his brother) can play either center or guard. He might last until pick No. 31, but it's unlikely.

Naturally, the Steelers' coaching staff attended the NFL Scouting Combine and college pro days such as the one conducted last week by the University of Wisconsin. At least two Badger players are considered first-round prospects: tackle Gabe Carimi and defensive end J.J. Watt.

Either player would fit perfectly with the Steelers, but neither is likely to last until pick No. 31. The NFL Network's Jon Jansen, a former tackle himself, compares Carimi to longtime stalwart Jon Runyan, a former Eagle, and that looks about right. A lot of mock drafts have Carimi going either to Philadelphia or Dallas.

Watt also drawing high praise, and understandably so. From what we saw of Watt on video, he's cut in the mold of longtime Steelers' standout Aaron Smith. That kind of player is rare in the extreme, and the Steelers would be lucky to get him. The Steelers need a successor to the aging Smith, but Watt is projected as a top-20 pick.

If Watt somehow lasts until No. 31, we wouldn't be surprised if the Steelers draft him.

What would be interesting is the choice the Steelers would have to make, if somehow two of these three players -- Pouncey, Carimi, Watt -- are somehow still available at No. 31. Then, the Steelers really would have to make a decision.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

"If You're Lucky Enough to be Irish ...

You're Lucky Enough."

An Irishman walks into a pub in a small town in Ireland and orders three beers. The man takes the beers to a table where he sits alone and polishes them off in about an hour. He gets up, orders three more and does the same thing. Another hour later, he gets one more round of three, drinks them and leaves.

This scene repeats itself the next evening and then the next, and pretty soon this pub is abuzz about the man they're now calling Mr. Three Beers. When he comes in again, the bartender's curiosity is overwhelming, and he asks his new favorite customer what the deal is.

He replies that he has two brothers who are no longer in Ireland, they're worlds apart, and they all vowed that each would order an extra two beers whenever one of them went drinking to keep the brotherly bond.

The bartender and the tavern regulars bought the story, admiring the brotherly love, and Mr. Three Beers became a pub favorite.

But one day he came in and ordered only two beers. The bartender poured them and the pub crawlers took immediate notice, thinking the worst -- that one of the brothers had passed away. This went on for several days.

One day, the bartender offered his condolences on behalf of himself and the pub regulars. The man thanked him for the thoughtfulness but said his two brothers were alive and well.

So what's with ordering only two beers? the barkeep asked.

"It's Lent," the man replied. "And I, myself, have decided to give up drinking until Easter."

It is National MS Awareness Week

The AM-radio sports station in Pittsburgh, 970-ESPN, this week broadcast an interesting and informative public-service interview about this being National MS Awareness Week.

The interview was with a group of Pittsburghers living with multiple sclerosis or involved in conducting research to find treatment for it.

Multiple sclerosis is incurable, but it's not unbeatable. Still, it's awfully tough to live with, or to know somebody who has it. Multiple sclerosis is one seriously nightmarish, horrible, insidious and mysterious disease. So, we're spreading the word.

The radio station hasn't saved a podcast of the interview on its Web site, but you can learn more about MS by visiting the Western Pennsylvania Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and the Allegheny General Hospital Multiple Sclerosis Treatment Center.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to all people affected by MS and also, of course, to all victims of the tragic events in Japan.

It's Ash Wednesday: What might Charlie Sheen give up for Lent?

Block Out The Lockout!

Lockout? What lockout?

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls are pretty much tuning it out, as if it never will happen. And it probably never will.

"Nevermore," quoth The Ravens. There's too much money at stake.

In this era of rampant unemployment, continuing crises overseas, skyrocketing gas prices, chainsawed government services, ongoing layoffs, non-existent health insurance, transit cutbacks, burgeoning inflation and an uncertain future for so many, why should we worry about how $9 billion annually will be split among the likes of Jerry Jones, Peyton Manning, Roger Goodell, DeMaurice Smith, Daniel Snyder, Michael Vick, Bill Bellichek, Adam "Pacman" Jones, et al?

Why, really, should we fans care about so few arguing over so many billions?

As we explained in correspondence with our blogging friend Gordon over at UK Black and Gold, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls feel ill-equipped to speculate how it will shake out. There's almost certainly more going on behind closed doors that any of us could possibly know.

Granted, it's more complex than money. Then again, usually when somebody tells you it's not about the money -- it's about the money.

The NFLPA isn't really even a union (not a real union like, say, the Teamsters or the United Steelworkers). Still, it does represent the players ("labor"), and they do, or should, have some rights with respect to working conditions. Issues other than money presumably include: the number of games played per season (and pre-season); player safety; health insurance and other benefits, roster size, pensions for retired players, etc. And, for what it's worth, Commissioner Goodell, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls HATE the idea of an 18-game season.

Whatever. We'll turn to the Post-Gazette's Gene Collier for perspective, as he presents his typically cogent take in Thursday's column titled, "Fans, reality not part of NFL spat."

Running With Scissors

In Sunday's edition of the Post-Gazette, Ed Bouchette offered the following tidbit about the Steelers' running game:

"Since 1970, when the NFL merged with the AFL, the Steelers have more yards rushing than any other team -- 87,624. The Cowboys are second, 5,000 yards behind. The Steelers also have more yards rushing than any other team since 1992, when Bill Cowher took over and rediscovered their running game. And even with the presence for most of the past decade of quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, the Steelers still rank third in this century in rushing yards with 22,884, a mere 502 behind leader Denver.”

That's interesting, even if we don't know what it signifies, if anything. One thing for sure: Those stats cannot be dismissed as a "small sample size."

As noted here shortly after Super Bowl XLV, although Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls were uncharacteristically sanguine about the game, one question still bristles in the “woulda, shoulda, coulda” department. And that is, why did the Steelers seem to take so long to even try to run the ball on consecutive plays? … against the league’s 18th-rated defense???

Yeah, the Packers won. The Packers played the better game. The Steelers lost. Blah, blah. The Steelers made too many mistakes, including (maybe especially) Mendenhall’s fumble on, yes, a running play.

Still … you can’t help but wonder, what if the Steelers had tried to run the ball consistently, emphatically, from the get-go. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

We’re mostly over the loss, but it still rankles. We’re still wondering what might have been, and we’re still haunted by that one play that never did happen on that last, desperate drive (and, by that time, forget about the run).

One such useless, wayward thought occurred last night while watching a bit of the NFL Network’s “Greatest Games” program, this one featuring the classic playoff game between the Miami Dolphins of Dan Marino and the San Diego Chargers of Dan Fouts in the 1980s. Among the many highlights of that game, one still stands out:

The Dolphins resorted to an old playground trick, the hook-and-ladder, to spring one startling, totally inspired touchdown that made you sit up and take notice and, yes, we can’t help but wonder … “Damn! That worked beautifully. What if the Steelers had tried the hook-and-ladder on that last drive? It coulda worked. Yeah, suuure …”

Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Just like trying to establish the run.

Well. It’s over.

Time to move forward. The NFL Scouting Combine starts on Thursday, and that will be an interesting diversion for a few days, and then the draft (we’re assuming there will be some sort of collective bargaining agreement and a 2011 season).

As for the Super Bowl, we’re over it. Mostly.

As Charles Barkley once said, “If ifs and buts were beer and nuts, we’d have a hell of a party!”

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Note: The above photo of John Henry Johnson is courtesy of this site, UK Black and Gold, which states that it appeared originally in a Steelers game program for a match-up at Pitt Stadium vs. the Cleveland Browns, Oct. 28, 1962. Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls have no particular reason for including this photo, other than we like it ... and, possibly, to suggest that, yes, lest we forget, the running game in today's NFL still can be dangerous -- kind of like running running with scissors.

A Valentine's Day Love Song: "I'll Kiss a Pit Bull"

With Valentine's Day upon us, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls thought we'd share an appropriate song for the occasion: "I'll Kiss a Pit Bull."

Performed by Mem Shannon, New Orleans bluesman and taxi driver, this tender little ditty probably goes well with a candlelit dinner.

Oh, well.

It's a good song, with a good title, one that gets your attention. We all know, in any case, our four-legged friends are likely to kiss first.

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls try to be neutral about Valentine's Day, and at least we try to resist the temptation to be snarky.

Valentine's Day is fine for other people, but that's just it: Valentine's Day is for other people.

We're neutral because: One, if you're in a relationship, you're obligated to make the day especially special (not to be redundant). And, two, if you're not in a relationship, you feel like a loser. Either way, you can't win.

Oh, and another thing: Thinking of going out to dinner? Bad idea. Valentine's Day and Mother's Day probably argue with each other over which rates as the worst day of the year to go to a restaurant.

And, please, spare us the treacly, sappy television commercials for crappy jewelry from the likes of Kay Jewelers, Jared, Zale's, etcetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.

All of which leaves us rather uninspired about the whole concept of Valentine's Day, which we suspect is a glorified excuse to drum up business for greeting card companies, chocolate confectioners, jewelry purveyors and, naturally, florists. It's amazing, isn't it, how flower prices prices are sky-high one day, and back to earth the next.

For all that, we do try to avoid snide, snarky sarcasm (and how's that for alliteration?).

If Valentine's Day enriches some relationships and enhances meaning for some couples, well, good for them. Whatever works.

We're neutral. We're Switzerland.

Meantime, this calls to mind our only previous Valentine's Day post on this here blog. Here's an excerpt:

Valentine’s Day was always for other people, anyway. For me, it was usually the day I was reminded that other people do, in fact, actually do that sort of thing — but only when I’d walk into my favorite neighborhood cocktail lounge, Le Mardi Gras, in the early evening and see couples canoodling while they waited for their reservations to be called at the overpriced, overcrowded restaurant next door.

“Who are these annoying people? What are they doing here?", I'd wonder, and then I'd remember, "Oh, yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day.”

And then I’d go over to the jukebox and play “Dead Flowers” by The Stones.

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A Mixed Bag of Suggested Listening for Your Valentine's Day

First, a tip 'o the hat to Wrett Weatherspoon, host of the Big Town Blues show at WYEP-FM, for turning us on to Mem Shannon's "I'll Kiss a Pit Bull."

On to the music. Put on a blindfold, throw a dart, and you'll surely find something to suit your mood this Valentine's Day ... happy, wistful, ebullient, brokenhearted, contented, sentimental, or just ready to move on.

Some people swear by Barry White. Some prefer The Velvet Fog (Mel Torme) and some, The Velvet Underground. Still others find inspiration or comfort in the likes of Duke Ellington, Cole Porter, Tony Bennett, Nat King Cole, Joni Mitchell, Burt Bacharach & Hal David, Frank Sinatra, Lucinda Williams, Henry Mancini, Al Green, Bonnie Raitt, Dinah Washington, Etta James, and a multitude of others.

The following set should contain something to stir your sipstraw. A little something for everyone. A mixed bag. Just like life.

• "A Song for You" -- Leon Russell
• "It Makes No Difference" -- The Band
• "Save Room" -- John Legend
• "Leavin' On Your Mind" -- Patsy Cline
• "Are You All Right" -- Lucinda Williams
• "Unforgettable" -- Nat King Cole
• "I've Got Dreams to Remember" -- Otis Redding
• "I'm Gonna Forget About You" -- Billy Price
• "You Ought To Be With Me" -- Al Green
• "In a Sentimental Mood" -- Duke Ellington & John Coltrane
• "Thank You" -- Bonnie Raitt
• "Thank You Too" -- My Morning Jacket
• "You Don't Know Me" -- Ray Charles, or the cover by Maceo Parker
• "That's How It Is" -- Billy Price and Otis Clay
• "At Last" -- Etta James
• "Tired of Being Alone" -- Al Green
• "Love Has No Pride" -- Bonnie Raitt
• "I Still Miss Someone" -- Johnny Cash
• "Have a Little Faith In Me" -- John Hiatt
• "It's Your Turn to Cry" -- Billy Price
• "Lean on Me" -- Bill Withers
• "I'm Still In Love With You" -- Al Green
• "I Wonder" -- Robert Cray
• "Glad It's Over" -- Wilco
• "Still I Long for Your Kiss" -- Lucinda Williams
• "A Case of You" -- Joni Mitchell
• "Walk on By" -- Isaac Hayes
• "It Ain't Me" -- Bob Dylan's classic covered here by June Carter and Johnny Cash
• "When I Fall in Love" -- Nat King Cole
• "Still Got the Blues for You" -- Gary Moore
• "The Thrill Is Gone" -- B.B. King
• "The Shadow of Your Smile" -- Tony Bennett
• "I Believe When I Fall in Love (It Will Be Forever)" -- Stevie Wonder
• "You Blew It Baby" -- John Lee Hooker Jr.
• "Mood Indigo" -- Charles Mingus
• "This Guy's In Love With You" -- Herb Alpert
• "To Love Somebody" -- Little Milton
• "I Can't Quit Her" -- Blood Sweat & Tears led by Al Kooper
• "Sail Away" -- David Gray
• "Ain't No Sunshine" -- Bill Withers
• "Today" -- Jefferson Airplane
• "A Rainy Night in Georgia" -- Little Milton
• "That Sunday, That Summer" -- Nat King Cole
• "Ruler of My Heart" -- by Irma Thomas
• "Leaving New York" -- R.E.M.
• "True Love" -- Rosemary Clooney & Bing Crosby
• "Sentimental Lady" -- Fleetwood Mac
• "Please Forgive Me" -- David Gray
• "Urge for Going" -- Joni Mitchell
• "Comin' Back to Me" -- Jefferson Airplane
• "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right" -- Bob Dylan, covered by Johnny Cash
• "L.O.V.E." -- Nat King Cole
• "Girl From the North Country" -- Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash
• "Be Mine" -- David Gray
• "Let's Stay Together" -- Al Green
• "I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know" by Al Kooper
• "The One I Love" -- David Gray
• "Essence" -- Lucinda Williams
• "A Good Day for the Blues" -- Ruth Brown
• "Diamonds & Rust" -- Joan Baez
• "When the Stars Go Blue" -- Ryan Adams
• "In my Time of Need" -- sung by Joan Baez, covering Ryan Adams 

And, finally, one last song for closing time ...

• "One for My Baby (And One More for the Road)" -- You can't go wrong with either Billie Holiday's version or Frank Sinatra's version of this classic composed by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer.

With a Valentine's music set like that, you just can't go wrong. Even if you did.

Postscript: As noted in a previous post, great Blues music always serves as an effective antidote to The Blues. We've also recommended listening to just about anything by any number of Pittsburghers (such as Billy Price, for instance) and any of the numerous jazz greats born and raised in The Burgh, including Ahmad Jamal, Art Blakey, Billy Eckstine, Stanley Turrentine, Roy Eldridge, George Benson, Billy Strayhorn, Earl "Fatha" Hines, Mary Lou Williams, Benny Benack, Errol Garner, Kenny Clarke, Gene Ludwig,and others.

In the News ...

Now that football season is over, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls thought we'd see what else is going on in the world. It's confusing. And complicated. Here are some headlines from a quick scan of this morning's news:

Crooksville to cut positions; realign schools

• This town, Crooksville, Ohio, sounds like a nasty place. Too many crooks. You just can't trust fans of the Browns or Bengals.
  

Prehistoric Cemetery Reveals Man and Fox Were Pals

• Have you seen Megan Fox? That's her in the photo above. And, yeah, we'd be pals with her, too, so to speak.

Making the L-Word Real After the Big-D

• For some reason, this headline caught our eye, mainly because it seemed like some sort of code for something we know nothing about. Which is true. This op/ed column in The Huffington Post is written by a woman, Candace Walsh, whose lead line is, "If only I were a lesbian." Whatever works for you. Immediate tune-out for us, although a friend once joked he was considering a sex-change operation so he could become a lesbian and meet more women. Hey, Megan Fox is out there somewhere ...

Smartphone Sins: Catholic Bishop Approves Confession by iPhone

• This can be interpreted so many ways: Does this mean confession can be exculpatory, even if you're committing sin by iPhone? With Megan Fox? No, that can't be it.

Report: iPhone 5 Will be 'Completely Redesigned'

• Of course it will. The newest iteration supposedly will be available in June, in line with Apple's regular, predictable-as-phases-of-the-moon release cycle. So, if you want to go to confession with your iPhone, you may just have to wait. And, we must ask, just why should we rush out to buy the arguably obsolete version of the iPhone to be made available next week, finally, by Verizon Wireless and Apple? Besides which, there's no evidence yet that the Verizon Wireless network can even broadly support the iPhone 4, or are we mistaken.
  

Experts warn of 'Death by GPS' as more people visit remote wilderness

• Something else to worry about. This story reports how a growing number of people using vehicles with GPS devices are getting lost in the desert, woods and other remote locations -- where there is no GPS tracking or cell phone coverage. Idiots. There should be a "GPS Users Lost and Found" where relatives can find these people. Or something.

Pirates Seize Greek Tanker off the Coast of Oman

• Apparently the Pittsburgh Baseball Club continues to explore creative ways to find talent. Spring training is just around the corner!

The Tea Party Is Revolting

• Nice double-entrendre. At first glance early this morning, though, this headline played a trick on our eyes and seemed to say, "Tea Bag Party Is Revolting," which really would be disgusting. But this turns out to be a "man bites dog story" and not really news at all, except to certain folks in the Republican Party and at Fox News.

So-called real-world news can be so confusing, tedious and depressing. When does football season start again? What? There's a simmering labor dispute?

As Charlie Brown would say, "Sigh."

It's Our Fault the Steelers Lost the Super Bowl

It's all our fault.

We're guilty. It is Joey Porter's Pit Bulls' fault that the Steelers lost Super Bowl XLV.

First, we were born, baptized and confirmed Catholic. Roman Catholic. In England, that gets you asked, "You're Roman, aren't you, eh?"

After responding, reasonably, "What?', and wondering for a baffled moment what the hell this Cockney moron is talking about (Roman gladiators?), it dawns on you. "Oh, you mean Roman Catholic? Huh. Does it matter?"

But we digress. Those of us born, baptized and confirmed Catholic know we're guilty. We carry it around with us like a, well, a ... can't say it.

But we're guilty. It's our fault. If we had stuck to the same formula for success that won critical games during the regular season and two playoff games vs. the Ravens and Jets, the Steelers would have rallied to beat the Green Bay Packers.

It's complicated.

It all started with the color green. First, green was the color of the priest's vestments at Mass, and that means green vestments are worn by every priest at every Mass all across the Catholic universe -- if you doubt this, you can check any Catholic calendar. It's right there, in small letters at the bottom of the little block for Sunday, Feb. 6: "Green."

This was a concern from the get-go. Well, not the Get-Go, but you'd have to live in Pittsburgh to get that.

Second, our dog-walking jacket is green. That's the lucky jacket we wore on the days the Steelers beat the Ravens and then the Jets. It worked then, so why change? Green, however, is also the predominant color of, you guessed it, the Green Bay Packers, who wear green and gold.

After some considerable waffling -- the black jacket or the lucky green jacket? ... and after having actually donned the black jacket at home and then thinking, no, the green jacket has been effective, even against the green-clad Jets ("Gang Green") -- we decided to stay with the green jacket, albeit with some misgivings.

So, a bit later, walking along Hamilton Avenue with a black pit bull who was wearing a Steeler bandana no less, some cat in his car at the red light rolled down his window to yell out, "That better not be green and gold I see you wearing."

As a matter of fact it was: Green jacket complemented by a Steelers scarf and Steelers cap, both of which, naturally, are black and gold. Unless the idiot in the car didn't happen to notice the Steelers logo on the cap and scarf, he was willfully giving us a hard time just for the hell of it. And he kept woofing despite our protestations of Steeler loyalty. Any coward can yell from a car. Jerk.

Samson wanted a piece of him, but restraint seemed the better course that early in the day. If it had been later, however, after the game, the dude would have had to roll up the window pronto.

Green also happens to be the color of our lucky socks, which we wear only for Steelers games (and on St, Patrick's Day, of course). These socks work. They are infallible.

But did we forget to wear our lucky socks? Yes. Shamefully, unbelievably, yes, we forgot to wear the lucky socks. On Super Sunday. Of all days.

To compund our guilt, we also forgot to wear our lucky "Yoi!" shirt displaying the the picture of Myron Cope. That's the shirt that won the Ravens game, when we changed into it at halftime. That shirt triggered the Steelers' second-half comeback and ultimate triumph over Baltimore.

During the Super Bowl, however, by the time we realized we'd forgotten to wear Myron's shirt, the Steelers were already down by a halftime score of 21-3. Too much to overcome with too little, too late.

It gets worse.

For us Catholics, apparently it's not enough just to have a Black 'n Gold Steeler Rosary. You must actually say the Rosary. Which entails kneeling down and, you know, actually praying all the way through the Rosary, which takes about 45 minutes. Did we do that? We must confess, no.

So, you see, it really is our fault. We're guilty. It's because of Joey Porter's Pit Bulls that the Steelers lost the Super Bowl. Guilty is, as guilty does.

Well, at least we have St. Patrick's Day to look forward to.

And the Penguins!

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda ...

Ugh.

Less than 48 hours separate Steeler Nation from the defeat in Super Bowl XLV, and it still stings.

The Packers won. The Packers played the better game. The Steelers lost. The Steelers made too many mistakes. That's all there is to it.

No whining, griping or sniping here. Except to wonder why the Steelers didn't try to run the ball more -- did they wait until the third quarter to run the ball on consecutive plays? That's no way to establish the running game -- especially against the NFL's 18th-rated rushing defense!

Because the Packers scored first and had that big lead at halftime, it didn't feel like a close game. But it was. Six points. A one-score game. At the beginning of that last possession, we tried to visualize Big Ben connecting with Mike Wallace wham full-speed on a sudden crossing pattern with Wallace sprinting into the end zone.

It didn't happen, but they've done that very play this season. If they'd been able to connect this time, it woulda, coulda, shoulda been game, set, match.

One play. Seven points. That's all it would have taken.

But they didn't get it done, and that's that. No griping, sniping or whining here. The Packers made the plays, and the Steelers didn't. Simple as that.

Congratulations to the Packers and their fans, and congrats especially to head coach Mike McCarthy, a Pittsburgh guy from Greenfield.

Having known a bunch of guys from Greenfield, well, let's just say they're a tough lot. And that's being polite.

If any team besides the Steelers were going to win the Super Bowl, at least it was led by a Pittsburgh guy from Greenfield. Now, having got THAT out of the way and feeling nearly nauseated writing it, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls must comment on a couple of things related to the event itself, not the game.

The "Jones Mahal" Debacle
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones must be very proud. Yeah, right. Sheesh.

He built a billion-dollar palatial stadium, a colossus many mainstream media have dubbed "The Jones Mahal" because it was built on ego as much as anything else. The stadium also clearly was intended to be the crown jewel in Jones's "legacy" and just as clearly was built for the express purpose of hosting this Super Bowl with the Dallas Cowboys as the host team.

What an achievement this would be! Power! On display for all to see! Oh, the glory, and it's all about me, me, me ...

Instead, Jones's Cowboys stumbled through a miserable, losing season; fired their coach midway through the year; failed to come close to making the playoffs; sustained withering criticism from local and national media; and, then, finally, the entire Dallas-Forth Worth Metroplex had to watch in suffering, torment and envy as the rival Steelers and Packers stormed through the playoffs and made it to the Super Bowl. "Dang, it shoulda been the Cowboys!"

As if to add insult to misery, Dallas fans had to endure the onslaught not just of Packers fans and Steeler Nation, but also a fluky weather system that slammed the Metroplex with frigid temperatures, nightmare ice storms and, finally, snow.

Calamities abounded: Flights into DFW were delayed or cancelled; local traffic paralyzed; fans stranded; and the media focused on all that was going wrong, which was just about everything.

Then, on the Friday before the Super Bowl, a torrent of snow cascaded off the roof of Jones Mahal and injured six people. Lawsuits coming!

And then, to top it all off before a national television audience shortly before kickoff, Jones's and the NFL's bald-faced, grubby stab at greedily trying to set an attendance record (in other words, collect as much money as possible by attempting to overbuild seating capacity and cram as many payng fans into the stadium as physically possible) backfired shamefully and disgracefully, as an estimated 2,000 fans, most of whom apparently were Steelers season-ticket holders, were turned away at the gates by direction of the Fire Marshall or some such bureaucrat that you would have thought would have been paid off long before game time.

These were legitimate ticket-holding fans -- many of whom sacrificed, worked, scratched and clawed -- to purchase their tickets and travel to Texas. More lawsuits! These were real fans, by the way, not blase celebrities.

Which takes us to our next point of crankiness ...

Celebrity Adulation Makes Us Puke
One aspect of the annual Super Bowl spectacle has become particularly cloying, if not downright revolting: The loathsome onslaught of video shots of inane, vapid celebrities.

We presume few of them care about the game itself or the teams involved. We also presume they just want to see and be seen. Particularly nauseating this year was the retina-burning image of Cameron Diaz hand-feeding popcorn to Alex Rodriguez in a super-duper luxury suite. Yecch, blaaah, puke.

Yet Another Awful Halftime Spectacle
Much has been said about Christina Aguilera's butchering of the National Anthem (frankly, we didn't notice her flubbing the lyrics and thought her rendition was pretty strong), so we'll skip right past that to the halftime show.

The halftime show sucked, once again. There, we said it.

We like the Black Eyed Peas, but, man, this show was overly orchestrated, which happens nearly all the time in the Super Bowl. They played four cover songs -- what, they don't have enough original material to fill 18 minutes? Most Super Bowl halftime shows are awful, and this was no exception.

The first turn-off was the now farcical and de rigeur on-field "audience" jumping around as if they weren't paid to do it. Plus, it would help if these characters in the Black Eyed Peas could sing. Granted, they have style and talent, but singing chops? Eh, not so much, apparently.

Unfortunately, the NFL has a much too-long history of odious halftime shows, whether it's because of the "talent" selected or because the talent selected puts on an awful performance -- which happens nearly every year.

The only exception in recent memory was Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band three years ago, in Super Bowl XLIII, which the Steelers won. Good job, Bruce and band, who kept it simple, straightforward and rocking.

In other years, however, even historic bands we've liked -- such as Z.Z. Top, the Stones and the Who -- were gruesome. Six years later, it still bugs us that the Stones, who did so many Motown covers over the years, somehow failed to notice they were in Detroit and missed a golden opportunity to pay tribute to American Rock 'n Soul by neglecting to invite Motown legends onstage to perform some of the many classics the Stones have covered.

But, no-o-o-o.

Since we're feeling cranky, we may as well continue. Joey Porter's Pit Bulls have seen the Stones more than a few times over the years, including a "homecoming" concert in London, at Wembley, which was only so-so at best, curiously enough.

In some concerts, yes, the Stones are awesome and nearly live up to their own, self-proclaimed moniker of "Greatest Rock 'n Roll Band in the World." Some concerts, however, they absolutely live down to their parallel reputation for self-indulgence and sloppiness -- which is what they did in Super Bowl XL, another Steelers win, by the way.

Granted, this is an old rant. Being half-Irish, though, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls have the genetic imperative to forget everything but our grudges. Therefore, six years later, we'll say it again: Shame on the Stones for not paying tribute to Motown in Motown.

And, while we're at it, shame on The Who for last year's going-through-the-motions "performance," which was putrid. PUTRID!

There. That rant is off our chest. Again.

Now, back to the real world, the harsh glare of reality, cold winter and the drudgery of dealing with real, everyday problems. What fun!

Yep, we're grumpy, but that's what a Steelers loss in the Super Bowl will do to a Steelers fan.

Not to be bitter.

A Good Day for the Blues

Pheh.

So much for Seventh Heaven. We're Stuck on Six.

Too many mistakes: too much to overcome.

They won. No complaints; no excuses.

Well, at least we can look forward to the Pirates' season. No-o-o-o-o-o! ... just jaggin'. Not to be a jagoff.

As the immortal Ruth Brown sang, "It''s a good day, a real good day, for the blues."

Already on it. Here at Joey Porter's Pit Bulls, we're lining up the favorites that always make us feel better: B.B, King, Willie Dixon, Howlin' Wolf, Dinah Washington, Lightnin' Hopkins, Ruth Brown, Sonny Boy Williamson, Muddy Waters, Albert King, Etta James, Albert Collins, Roomful of Blues, Billie Holiday, Robert Cray, Billy Price, Bonnie Raitt, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Irma Thomas, Kenny Neal, Koko Taylor, Charlie Mussellwhite, Tinsley Ellis, Dorothy Moore, Lonnie Brooks, Luther Allison, Roy Buchanan, Louisiana Red, Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee and just about anybody from Louisiana.

Yep, as Ms. Brown says, "It's a good day, a real good day, for the blues."

Think how Brett Favre feels.

Time to Be Great! Win the Super Bowl!

Above: Black 'n Gold Steeler Rosary on an angel figurine in the window of a store in Pittsburgh's Bloomfield neighborhood (photo credit: Darrell Sapp, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

Above: Sunshine, a Black 'n Gold winner available for adoption at the Animal Rescue League

"Time to be great!"

That's what Super Bowl XLIII MVP Santonio Holmes hollered (in''Toned) to his teammates (or maybe just to himself) just before backing those words, yes, by playing great on the game-winning drive vs. the Arizona Cardinals in February 2008.

Today, Steeler Nation, here we go Steelers, here we go, and ... again, it is:

"Time to be great!"

Win the Super Bowl.

Yep, it's time, as Cole Porter wrote, Ella Fitzgerald sang, and Hedley Lamarr exclaimed in "Blazing Saddles" for all of us in Steeler Nation to ...

"Now go do / that voodoo / that you do / so-o-o well!"

And, to reinforce this Good Mojo, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls suggest adopting a Black 'n Gold dog today. Sure 'nuff, ruff, plenty o' time before game to adopt Black 'n Gold dog from Animal Rescue League.

It's good karma. After all, some lucky Steeler fans happily adopted Phillip and Hans, the Black 'n Gold dogs promoted here shortly after the AFC Championship Victory. Surely Shirley, this is Good Mojo, and you'll even receive Black 'n Gold Adoption Discounts.

Also today, remember to wave your Terrible Towel and, if you have one, to rub your Black 'n Gold Steeler Rosary. Joey Porter's Pit Bulls like to think the Terrible Towel and the Black 'n Gold Steeler Rosary work together on behalf of the Steelers in the Myron Cope/Art Rooney branch of the Judeo/Christian tradition. It's all good food.

Go Steelers!

Suggested Listening for Your Super Sunday Soundtrack:

• "Sun is Shining" by Bob Marley & the Wailers
• "Bring It On Home To Me" by Sam Cooke
• "The Harder They Come" by Jimmy Cliff
• "I Need a Miracle" by the Grateful Dead
• "Keep on Pushin" by Curtis Mayfield & the Impressions
• "Stand" by Sly & the Family Stone
• "Black and Yellow" by Pittsburgh's own Wiz Khalifa
• "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas
• "You Can Get It If You Really Want" by Jimmy Cliff
  
• "Steeler Polka" by Jimmy Pol
• "Make Do With What You Got" by Solomon Burke
• "Play to Win" by Al Green
• "Stone Rollin'" by Raphael Saddiq
• "Wide Receiver" by Michael Henderson (h/t to Mike Canton, host of The Soul Show at WYEP-FM)