A Perfect Ending

Only the Pirates ...

Oh, wait, we did that riff already, and only last week.

Sigh. Here we go again.

Only the Pirates could close out a loss to cap a disastrous road trip the way they did yesterday in Oakland.

Only the Pirates could could record the final out of their sixth straight loss -- their 17th straight road loss in their 17th straight losing season -- by hitting one of their own baserunners with a batted ball. In a one-run game, no less. Only the Pirates.

Has this ever happened before? Anywhere? It must have, but, still. Wow.

Let's see: Their 4-19 record so far in June, during which they've already had a 12-game losing streak in addition to the current six-game losing streak, has brought their season record to a neatly symmetrical 25-50.

For every game they've won this year, they've lost two.

But that doesn't nearly begin to tell the story. It's the way they lose -- plus all the other crap, especially the front office mis-steps, hijinks, shenanigans, chicanery and tomfoolery -- that defines your 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates.

Well, maybe not your Pittsburgh Pirates, but Neil Huntington's and Frank Coonelly's 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Laughingstock of Baseball.

Read gory details of yesterday's game in Chuck Finder's re-cap in the Post-Gazette here.

Every Day is Sunday for the Pittsburgh Pirates

"A career night for Trevor Cahill!" bellowed the Talking Head on the MLB Network after the Oakland A's pitcher and his teammates limited the Pirates to just two hits in a 5-0 shutout win over the Bucs last night in Oakland.

This came one night after the same loudmouth blared "Unbelievable!" three times to describe the Pirates having lost 15 consecutive games away from PNC Park.

Well, now the Bucs have lost 16 games in a row on the road.

Will they make it 17 straight? ... which would align symmetrically with their 17 straight losing seasons.

Sixteen losses in a row (on the road) "only" puts them third on major league baseball's all-time list, behind only the 1990 (?) Brewers, who lost 17, and the 1985 Pirates (also known as "The Cocaine Drug Trial Pirates"), who hold the all-time record with 19 consecutive road losses (amid other distractions they had going that year).

One might ask how a major league team can lose 16 straight road games, but the more pertinent question at this point is whether this year's edition of Neil Huntington's and Frank Coonelly's Pirates will seize the all-time record of 20 straight losses on the road. Now that would be something.

That would be something to cap this already illustrious season of fired pierogies, secretive contract extensions, a 12-game losing streak, abysmal pitching, a franchise-record 20-0 loss and botched roster moves, including the Aki Iwamura fiasco, among other misadventures.

So, in anticipation of today's game in Oakland, we wonder whether Pirates manager John Russell, desperate for a win, will trot out his "Sunday" lineup, which is usually comprised of three or four backups. The question then becomes, what is the Pirates Sunday lineup, and how would you distinguish it from the "everyday" lineup?

It's wacky.

Will Russell today find a place for deposed third baseman-turned-utility infielder Andy LaRoche? Will Jason Jaromillo start at catcher? Who among the luminaries of Ryan Church, Lastings Milledge and Delwyn Young will find playing time?

Does it really matter?

So far in June, the Pirates have a won-loss record of 4-18. If they lose today, their season record will be 25-50.

At least they've got that going for them.

Pirates Fall Fall Flat, Come Up Short. Again.

The Pirates. Sigh.

Only the Pirates could make national buffoonery-type headlines by firing a part-time racing pierogie.

• Only the Pirates would keep secret the off-season contract extensions given to the general manager and field manager, who happen to be the most visible, public-facing members of their management team.

• Only the Pirates would have traded for Aki Iwamura this past off-season, made him their highest-paid player at $4.85 million -- only to designate him for assignment by mid-June, found him to be untradeable, and, finally, demoted him to the minors, to Class AAA Indianapolis, where they have no use for him.

• Speaking of Indianapolis, only the Pirates would list no third basemen -- zero! nada!! zip!!! -- on the roster of their top farm club. As of today (third day in a row, although the site's been updated to reflect the addition of outfielder Alex Pressley), the Indians list three first basemen, three second basemen and two first basemen. In other words, there is such a paucity of third basemen in their system, they have nobody to put there (which explains, presumably, why first baseman Steve Pearce played third for the Indians on Wednesday night).

• Only the Pirates ... well, at least they're not the Orioles.

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls don't really have a problem with the individual players on the Pirates. Maybe half the players on the 25-man roster are legitimate major league players, and a few of those guys are budding stars. A handful are downright exhilarating and could play on any major league team.

The others? Eh, not so much. Most are borderline major leaguers.

We're taking the sanguine view here: It's not their fault they're not talented enough. They're just not good enough.

It is "corporate" management that we have a problem with, but that's fodder for another post (diatribe?).

We knew Texas was hot, and we don't mean the weather, although the temperatures apparently were as hot as the Rangers, who have won 12 straight games, including the past three over the Pirates.

As Redd Foxx said, "It was so hot, I saw a dog chasing a rabbit, and they was both walking."

Outfielder Lastings Milledge might as well have been walking last night, when he chased two fly balls that fell for a double and triple, respectively.

Just about anybody can misplay high drives, like the one Josh Hamilton hit into right-center field last night, or a tailing fly ball, like the one Michael Young popped along the right-field line. It was weird, however, how Milledge played both those hits last night.

Weird, but not atypical -- not for Milledge.

On the first -- the long, high drive hit by Hamilton -- Milledge took a typically circuitous, lurching route to the ball, appeared to lose track of it, slowed down, and then, suddenly, adjusted his angle sharply while putting on a sudden burst and then, finally, making an awkward twisting lunge -- only to watch the ball drop beside him for a double.

On the second misplay, popped down the right-field line by Young, Milledge took one of his usual tentative (initially) but desperate (late) runs toward the anticipated point of arrival ... only to slow down ... and, finally, make one of his patented belly-flop diving attempts -- only to fall flat on his face and come up short once again, as he has so many times this year.

As noted previously on this blog, Milledge does this all the time.

Lastings Milledge appears likeable. Although his arm is good -- he has five assists -- he is proving himself a defensive liability. Nor does he hit for power (still no home runs). So much for the "five-tool player" hype.

Milledge is among those many Pirates who fall in the category of "borderline major leaguer." He still has a lot to prove, and he's running out of time to do it.

Dana Eveland, We Hardly Knew Ye

The Pirates are in a full-blown Ewt Movement, and we're cool with that. It's about time. Still, it's going to be a long rest of the season.

And they are getting no respect, nor should they.

Last night the Texas Rangers rested slugger Josh Hamilton -- who has been on fire lately -- almost as if to give him a rest because they figured they wouldn't need him against the Pirates. Well, it turns out they didn't need Hamilton, as the Rangers scored "only" 13 runs against the Pirates woebegone pitching staff.

The Rangers scored 13 runs, had 17 hits and still, incredibly, left 13 on base.

Pirates starter Paul Maholm struggled to get out of the first inning and didn't record an out in the second.

The starting pitching has been awful all year, as Dejean Kovacevic noted today in the Post-Gazette ...

"Maybe this is a good time for a review of the starting pitchers' cumulative statistics:

• The record is 12-39, meaning they win once every six times the team takes the field. Maholm's four victories lead the staff.

• The ERA is 5.88, more than a half-run higher than any team in Major League Baseball.

• The .311 opponents' batting average is highest in the majors.

• The 57 home runs are fifth-highest, despite PNC Park generally providing the pitchers an edge in that area.

• The 219 strikeouts are the fewest.

Speaking of pitchers who stunk up the joint, the Pirates after the game decided they'd seen enough of recently acquired Dana Eveland, who got shelled last night and showed NOTHING after General Manager Neal Huntington brought him over from Toronto in a trade for Double-A pitcher Ronald Uviedo, who at least has some upside. Eveland was so bad he made only ugly three appearances for the Pirates.

Why did Huntington even trade for him? What did Huntington see in Eveland?

This trade reeks of the "deal" Dave Littlefield made to acquire broken-down catcher Benito Santiago for hard-throwing relief pitcher Leo Nunez, who has since gone on to pitch pretty well in the majors and is having an excellent season as the Florida Marlins' closer.

Huntington's trade for Eveland reminds us of that situation, if only because:

• Benito Santiago appeared in six games for the Pirates.
• Dana Eveland appeared in three games for the Pirates.

Ridiculous.

Here's Dejean Kovacevic's re-cap of the Dana Eveland mini-saga ...

"Eveland, acquired for pitching prospect Ronald Uviedo, had an 8.38 ERA and allowed 15 hits in 9 2/3 innings, including one start. General manager Neal Huntington had expressed hope at the time of the trade that Eveland would represent an upgrade to the rotation, but he ended up being a downgrade to the bullpen, as he was not nearly as effective as recently released Jack Taschner, another left-hander.

"Uviedo, 22, had been on the 40-man roster with a 3.22 ERA in 16 relief appearances for Class AA Altoona. Toronto immediately converted him to a starter, and he is 2-0 with a 4.29 ERA and a .203 opponents' batting average in four starts and one relief appearance."

The Pirates' front office should be embarrassed, but they're so full of themselves, it's doubtful they're capable of it.

This sounds absurd, too -- but we are talking about the Pirates, after all -- but one can't help but wonder why they kept Tony Sanchez at A-Ball for so long ... and, this being the Pirates, one can't help but wonder if he would never have gotten injured had he been promoted to AA a couple of weeks ago, like he should have been.

Yeah, yeah, okay, injuries can happen anytime, anywhere, so it's a ridiculous thought, but still ... it's just like the Pirates. Bad juju. They're lucky Pedro Alvarez didn't get hurt playing for Indianapolis while they postponed his promotion. In any case, it's a shame for Tony Alvarez, and we wish him a speedy recovery.

By the way, we can't let this pass without comment ...

Steve Pearce played third base for Indianapolis last night. Third? Is that a first (for Pearce)? We're guessing Aki Iwamura will play third for the Indians after he arrives tomorrow.

None of it makes any sense. Iwamura has no future with the Pirates, and they have next to no chance of trading him no matter what he does for Indianapolis.

They're just wasting his time, and he's wasting a roster spot that could be used in the development of a young prospect -- if they had any. Somebody else, anyway.

Today, the Indianapolis roster listed on the team's Web site still shows no third baseman -- not one, nada, zero! -- but it does show three second basemen, three shortstops and two first basemen. What a joke.

The Pirates organization is a laughingstock, sad to say. But we all knew that.

All is Right With the World: The Pierogie's Back!

The Great Pierogie Purge of 2010 has been made right.

The Pirates have reinstated the racing pierogie they fired last week for posting a Facebook message criticizing the organization. It all seemed so silly, but now ... now, well, it just seems silly, and so-o-o-o Pirates.

When the Post-Gazette broke the news last week that the Pirates had fired the pierogie, played by 24-year-old Andrew Kurtz, it was clear that:

• Somebody in corporate management was monitoring Facebook postings made even by part-time employees -- part-time pierogies no less.
  

• And that somebody in management decided immediately -- during a game, in fact -- to fire Kurtz a mere few hours after his Facebook posting went live.

Our question at the time was, Don't they have anything better to do?

Now, the team's official stance is that "neither HR nor senior management were involved in the decision to fire the employee."

They expect us to believe that?

We'd prefer to consider a different scenario. We definitely envision somebody in "senior management" getting on the phone and issuing a directive like ...

"Brad? Thad? No? Tad. Whatever. All right, Tad, F.C. here, with orders straight from the top. That's right, from the top. The corner office. Listen, we want you to actively monitor the Pirates Pierogies postings on Facebook. Yeah, that's right. Facebook. You know what that is, don't you? We've seen your page, by the way, and, no, we're not friends. Monitor Twitter, too. Yeah, that's right, we want you to monitor the Pierogies' Facebook and Twitter postings.

"Any blogs they write too, and message boards. Reader forums. You'd better tap their phones, too. Did you install those hidden mikes in the restrooms? You did? Good. Now get back to work.

"No, you can't take Father's Day off to spend time with your kids. You know better than that. There's Facebook monitoring to be done!!!"

Yeah, that's probably how it went down.

Don't they have anything better to do? Apparently not.

The Sun is Shining

It's the first day of summer, summer solstice, the sun is shining, the weather is sweet.

Today, we enjoy the longest daylight of the year. It's good for the soul, an affirmation of life, a good day to be alive, to appreciate and enjoy.

Even the Pirates.

Bonus track!

Pirates Owner Bob Nutting: "I am shocked -- SHOCKED -- to discover incompetence in this organization!"

The Post-Gazette headline over the weekend read,

Pirates Notebook: Nutting 'frustrated ... shocked'

Well, this is just too easy.

It's Bob Nutting, of course, playing the role of Capt. Louis Reynaud (Claude Rains) in the movie classic, Casablanca ...

Capt. Reynaud: "I am shocked! -- shocked -- to discover gambling in this establishment!"

Croupier: "Your winnings, sir."

Capt. Reynaud: "Ah yes. Thank you."

It's just too easy, even without the obvious parallel background history of whisperings -- fair or not -- that Nutting has been secretively pocketing profits over the years without investing much back into the on-field product.

Pirates management, after all, are open to criticism, as they have displayed all the candor of BP executives.

No matter. It is what it is (as the kids say these days).

Honestly, they've reached the pinnacle of absurdity with this.

By "this," we mean the entire mess:

The Great Pierogie Purge of 2010 ... the Double-Secret Probation Contract Extensions for Neal Huntington and John Russell ... the tepid return on trades ... the Aki Iwamura Fiasco ... the botched free-agent signings ... the continual front office blundering ... the lack of vision ... the 25-44 record ... the organizational transparency of Kim il-Jong ... the perennial .392 winning percentage ... the 17 years -- going on 18 -- of losing, absurdity and the ongoing tack record of poor decision-making on and off the field.

In any case ... like Bob Nutting and Capt. Louis Reynaud, Joey Porter's Pit Bulls are "Shocked -- Shocked! -- to discover incompetence in this organization."

Other than that, everything's been great the past 17 years. The ballpark's nice, and the food is good. The team's won two in a row, and the Bucs finally have some good young talent to build upon. In fact, quite a few players on the team (and in the minors) are talented, promising and likeable, gosh darn it -- there is much to feel good about.

We're still fans, and we still care. So, we've got that going for us. And it's the first day of summer.

Things are looking up, with better days ahead.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day, Dad, and to all fathers everywhere.

Thank you.

While we're at it, Happy Birthday to anybody who has a birthday this year. That'd be everybody, so we'll just call it a universal birthday.

Enjoy, all.

The Great Pierogie Purge of 2010: This Should Fix All The Pirates' Woes

We can't make this up. Nobody could make this stuff up. It's just too good, too rich with irony and too rife with, well, stupidity.

Capping a week in which the Pirates lost their 12th straight game, fell to a season-low 21 games under .500, DFA'd their highest-paid player and announced the heretofore "hush-hush, secret-secret, double-secret probation" contract extensions for General Manager Neal Huntington and Manager John Russell, the Pirates addressed their problems by ... firing a Pirate Pierogie?

This should make everything all right. This should fix everything.

It's so stupid. The Pirates clearly have little common sense and zero sense for public relations. Granted, it's their prerogative (pierogative?) to fire any employee for "cause" (?), but they could have handled this better.

They could have been cooler about it. Why not just ask the young man to remove the Facebook posting? He's a 24-year-old pierogie, for crying out loud.

But, no-o-o-o. They had to go and fire him perfunctorily -- within just a few hours of the posting, no less, and during a game.

Clearly, management has nothing better to do than monitor Facebook postings, even those of relatively insignificant part-time employees.

That's reassuring.

Maybe they thought nobody was going to hear about the firing. Did they think they could keep it a secret? ... kinda like the "secret" contract extensions given to Huntington and Russell? ... who apparently were on double-secret probation, as if they were in "Animal House".

The Pirates deserve the bad PR they get with this sort of stupid maneuver. Yeah, management gets the big picture. Sure.

With stunts like this, management come across as petty, churlish, small-minded and stupid.

They just don't get it.

But they deserve what they get.

The Curious Case of Aki Iwamura

Will the Pirates force Aki Iwamura to go play for AAA Indianapolis?

On Tuesday, June 15, in tandem with the promotion of third baseman Pedro Alvarez, the Pirates announced that Iwamura had been DFA'd ("designated for assignment").

From that point, the team had 10 days to trade or release Iwamura -- or send him to Indianapolis, where they will continue to pay him the rest of his $4.85 million salary.

Let's examine the options:

• Trade Iwamura -- This appears unlikely. Who would want him? Even if the Pirates paid nearly all of Iwamura's salary, who would trade for him? In 54 games this season, the 30-something Iwamura (apparently still recovering from knee surgery last year) displayed no range, played lousy defense and batted .182. The Pirates will have difficulty finding a taker for him and, even if they do, would presumably pay most of the $2.5 million remaining on his salary.
  

• Every other team's general manager knows all this, so the Pirates have no leverage. Presumably, the Pirates would be happy to unload Iwamura with virtually no return, just to save face. Who needs him, though? Anybody looking for infield depth would go with a healthy young AAA prospect who at least can play some defense and run the bases.

• Release Iwamura -- This would be embarrassing, but the entire Iwamura saga is embarrassing, so it's only a matter of finally closing this chapter. Releasing Iwamura would require Neal Huntington to publicly admit that he made a major mistake in trading for him -- and wasted nearly $5 million of owner Bob Nutting's money.
  

• Everybody knows this already, anyway, so just be done with it. With Huntington's extension just announced, perhaps Huntington has the so-called "job security" to man up and do this. If not, they apparently have only one other option ...

• Iwamura to AAA -- This would be pointless for the Pirates, another PR distraction, a waste of time for all parties, and humiliating for Iwamura. It might happen, though, but only if the Pirates take the low road and use the demotion as a way of trying to get Iwamura to quit, in which they would no longer be responsible for paying the rest of his salary this season. Yeah, Iwamura just might rather go home to Japan, and who could blame him? ... except that he would forfeit all that money. This would make for a sticky situation for both parties, but it's not out of the question.
  

• The Post-Gazette reports Huntington said that if other options fail, he would prefer to option Iwamura to Indianapolis. From a baseball standpoint, why? What's the point? To punish Iwamura? Let him work on his chain-smoking? He's not coming back to Pittsburgh, not with Neil Walker entrenched at second base and Alvarez at third.
  

• Sell Iwamura's Rights to a Team in Japan -- The Post-Gazette cites "a team source" as saying it's unlikely the Pirates will sell his rights to a team in Japan. Whether Iwamura longs to return to Japan, only he can say -- and he doesn't speak English.

Just let him go already. The entire Aki Iwamura saga was a mistake. Walk away from it.

Calling B.S. on Frank Coonelly, Who Offers As Much Transparency as BP or North Korea's Kim il-Jong

Regarding the Pirates, one can't help but wonder ...

One can't help but wonder if ... Pirates' owner Bob Nutting and president Frank Coonelly held off announcing the contract extensions (through 2011 for both) of General Manager Neal Huntington and Manager John Russell because they wanted to retain the option of firing them, or at least one of them, during the 2010 season.

Nutting and Coonelly had to know that rumors and speculation thrive in a communications vacuum. They had to know that letting Huntington and Russell twist in the wind wasn't doing anybody any favors, least of all Huntington and Russell. Yet they still kept the extensions a secret. What were thinking? Where are their PR guys? Working for BP??

It's baffling, mystifying and ridiculous. It makes no sense. It's bad business. And just plain stupid. It's so-o-o-o Pirates.

It was absurd of the Pirates to try to keep the extensions a secret.

Now that the secret has come to light, as it inevitably would, one can't help but wonder why the Pirates refused to announce the extensions. Operating as a lame duck could not possibly have helped either Huntington or Russell. What was the point?

After announcing the extensions yesterday, Coonelly said, "a contract will not prevent us from making a change if one is appropriate and thus contract status truly is irrelevant."

... At which point, our "B.S. Meter" went kerflooey.

With that "explanation," Frank Coonelly, speaking as the representative of the Pittsburgh Baseball Club, offered about as much clarity, validity, sanity and transparency as North Korea's Kim Jong-il.

Sorry, Mr. Coonelly, but we gotta call B.S. on all of this.

• In light of Coonelly's statement, just when is a 13-game losing streak appropriate?

• When is a record of 23-43 appropriate?

• When is a run differential of -154 appropriate? ... on June 18, no less! Opposing teams have scored 154 more runs than the Pirates -- by far the worst in the majors! When is that appropriate?

• And, finally, just when is is it appropriate to post a record of 152-238 -- the Pirates' record under Huntington and Russell since the beginning of the 2008 season, and the worst in the majors in that span -- when is that appropriate?

Exactly what forced Coonelly to announce the extensions? Was it the rumors reported in national media that Huntington and/or Russell were about to be fired?

Or was it just possibly the whisperings of agents in the ears of the top two draft picks in last week's draft (Jameson Taillon and Stetson Allie) ... whisperings to the effect of, "We have leverage against the Pirates -- their general manager's a lame duck, so he's desperate to sign you. Let's hold out or hold 'em up."

*** *** ***

Speaking of the recent baseball draft:

One can't help but wonder if ... Frank Coonelly and Neal Huntington would have drafted slugging high school shortstop Manny Machado instead of fireballing high school pitcher Jameson Taillion, if they had known flamethrowing high school pitcher Stetson Allie was going to be available still when their turn came around in the second round.

You can never have too much pitching, but Taillon and Allie are both fireballing/flamethrowing high school right-handed pitchers.

We have a feeling they would have drafted Machado, if they'd known Allie was going to be on the board still in the second round. There was no way for them to know that, of course.

One can't help but wonder if ... The Pirates had drafted Manny Machado, what the left side of the infield would look like in a year or two with Pedro Alvarez and Machado playing third base and shortstop, respectively.

One can't help but wonder .. How the starting rotation might perform in four or five years with Jameson Taillon and Stetson Allie potentially at the top of it.

One can't help but wonder if ... The Pirates will actually be able to sign both Taillon and Allie, or either one of them, for that matter.

Genius!

Pittsburgh, Pa., June 17, 2010 -- The Pittsburgh Pirates, riding the crest of a 10-game losing streak, today announced the organization extended the contracts of Neal Huntington, general manager, and John Russell, manager, through the 2011 season.

The Pirates actually extended the two contracts last off-season but neglected to tell anybody.

Coonelly announced the extensions one day following the team's 10th consecutive loss, in which the Pirates had more errors (six) than hits (five). The loss on Wednesday night dropped the team's record to 23-42, worst in the National League.

Explaining the curious timing of the announcement, Frank Coonelly, team president, said, "We're always out of contention by mid-June, so we figured this would be a good time to make this announcement and stir some interest in the team. The 10-game losing streak was a bonus. It reinforces what we're trying to do."

Coonelly added, "This move demonstrates our commitment to continuing the course we've been on for the past 17 years. The timing is good, too, because we wanted to deflect attention from the promotion of Pedro Alvarez, who is the most heralded prospect we've had here since Barry Bonds 24 years ago."

Regarding recent speculation about Huntington's job security, along with reports in the national media that Russell was on the verge of being fired, Coonelly said, "We are fully aware that a communications vacuum leads to rumors, so we wanted to have fun watching both Neal and John twist in the wind. That was nice."

Team owner Bob Nutting was unavailable for comment but reportedly stands by his assertion that Coonelly, Huntington and Russell comprise "the single best management team in all of baseball, maybe in all of sports."

Huntington hired Russell to start the 2008 season. Since then, the club has compiled a record of 152-236 for a winning percentage of .392. The Pirates are headed for a record 18th consecutive losing season, worst in the history of all four major professional sports in the United States.

The franchise this year is celebrating the 50th anniversary of its 1960 World Series championship over the New York Yankees, capped by Bill Mazeroski's historic ninth-inning home run to win game seven of the series.

It's About Time. What Took So Long?

See? Y'see??

Pirates general manager Neal Huntington really does know what he's doing.

He had to wait until now to call up Pedro Alvarez. It makes total sense.

Huntingon had to wait the Pirates lost nine in a row. You wouldn't want Alvarez to have been called up a couple weeks ago, would you? That wouldn't have been any good.

Nor would it have made any sense to have Alvarez on the team last weekend for the series in Detroit, where they have the designated hitter.

There were no holes to fill, after all, were there? Were there?

On Friday night, after all, you wouldn't have wanted to deprive .179-hitting Ryan Church his at-bats as a designated hitter, never mind that he went oh-for-four that night.

Nor would it have made sense to keep .182-hitting Aki Awimura on the bench Saturday night. After all, playing Aki at second base allowed the Pirates to keep Alvarez in Indianapolis for more "seasoning."

It also gave Neil Walker the opportunity to start at third base (Alvarez's position) and polish his skills as a utility infielder -- never mind that Walker's future is at second base and that the Pirates already have as many (f)utility infielders as starting infielders.

Plus, by keeping Alvarez in Indianapolis over the weekend, we got to see Ryan Doumit play first base -- and wasn't that fun?

And, with Doumit working on his defensive shortcomings at first base, manger John Russell got to insert Garrett Jones (who actually can play a competent first base) in the lineup at DH instead of Alvarez.

It all made perfect sense.

Don't you see? With the Pirates having lost nine consecutive games, the timing for bringing Alvarez to the big club was perfect. You wouldn't want them to have waited until after 10 straight losses ... but you also wouldn't have wanted to see him join the team when they had merely six consecutive losses, or seven, or eight.

No. It had to be nine.

Plus, it made no sense to have brought Alvarez to the club preceding an off day (like, say, Monday).

So, you see, Neal Huntington, in his infinite baseball wisdom proves once again he is the Smartest Guy in the Room.

After all, Zach Duke pitches tonight vs. the White SOZ, so the Pirates will lose, and all eyes will be on Duke, not Alvarez, and maybe some on Ozzie Guillen, too -- which removes all media attention, fan scrutiny and general hoopla from the arrival of Alvarez.

We wouldn't want any of that, would we?

Alvarez can just slide right in under the radar, with no pressure.

In fact, Alvarez should bat ninth in the lineup, behind Duke, who's a good-hitter, for a pitcher.

It makes perfect sense.

The June Swoon is On

Bleak as the baseball landscape may appear, Pirates fans can look to Baltimore for consolation.

The Orioles are 29 games under .500. Yikes. The Bucs are "only" 17 games under .500 for the second-worst record in the majors.

Eight straight losses for the Pirates, with no end in sight. The June swoon is on, full-on, and they are careening through an all-out tailspin, freeffall, spiral, call it whatever you like.

Out of the five starters in the rotation, Paul Maholm -- who won't start again until next Friday -- gives the Pirates their best chance to win, so the next three games vs. the White Sox at PNC Park could be losses, easily. Rookie Brad Lincoln goes up against Freddy Garcia in the next game, and then presumably Ross Ohlendorf and Zach Duke will start the next two.

Too bad for Jeff Karstens, who pitched his best game of the season yesterday. Granted, Detroit manager Jim Leyland played his Sunday lineup of several backups, but Karstens deserves credit for pitching a very good game. Another wasted effort, though, as the offense fizzled. Again.

Riding the seven-game losing streak entering yesterday's game and with the off-day today, manager John Russell was desperate to win a game before returning to PNC Park for more interleague action vs. the White Sox and Indians.

Russell went with his best lineup of regular starters, including Ryan Doumit at catcher. In a telling indictment of this team's lack of hitting talent, four of the nine starters are batting .240 or below:

• Ryan Church, RF, .186
• Delwynn Young, DH, .233
• Andy LaRoche, 3B, .236
• Ronny Cedeno, SS, .240

Predictably, those four players went a combined oh-for-12 with one walk (drawn by Delwynn Young). Then, of course, we had Aki Iwamura lugging his .177 batting average off the bench in a futile pinch-hitting appearance.

The rotation is a concern, yes, but so is the bullpen. Brendan Donnelly's nearly useless, but of greater concern all of a sudden is the suddenly shaky Ocavio Dotel. He has struggled his last three appearances, including yesterday's blown save, last Sunday's loss to San Francisco and the near-loss a week ago Saturday when Lastings Milledge made that wondrous diving catch on the warning track to save the win over the Giants. That was the last win for the Pirates, by the way.

There is no end in sight. The only thing to do is to bring up Pedro Alvarez, but that's not going to solve the offense. There's too much deadweight: Milledge, Church, Awimura, LaRoche, Jaromillo, Crosby. That's a lot of inept offense doing nothing but taking up roster spots.

Bob Smizik examines the right-field dilemma of Lastings Milledge vs. Ryan Church. There's not much to choose from there, that's for sure.

There's also not much general manager Neal Huntington is likely to do at this point to bolster the rotation. There's nothing at Indianapolis, and management won't reach down to Altoona to call up Bryan Morris, Rudy Owens and/or Tim Alderson. Would they? No, of course not.

It's going to be a long rest of the season.

Laugh It Up: The Bucs Play the Nyuk-Yuck Stooges for NFL Head Coach

As if we needed any more evidence that the Pirates are a laughingstock and fodder as everybody's comedic foil, an NFL head coach joined the fun last week after he threw the ceremonial first pitch at a New York Mets game.

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan used video of Pirates' batters Lastings Milledge and Delwynn Young for comedic material. Ryan arranged for video juxtaposing himself with video of Washington Nationals' rookie phenom Steven Strasburg's 14-strikeout debut against the Pirates last week.

As reported on Taragana's Sports News blog, Ryan opened his news conference the other day by evaluating his ceremonial first pitch, and comparing himself to Strasburg ...

“Two stars, very similar,” Ryan said as the video played. “Two outstanding pitchers. Look at the movement here. Yep, two great ones.” Just to further show how unhittable he could be, Ryan had Pittsburgh’s Lastings Milledge superimposed into the video of his pitch. ... Milledge, as he did against Strasburg on Tuesday night, swung through the pitch.

“Yep, it’s still a strikeout,” Ryan said. “Swings, misses and it’s a strikeout.”

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Oh, go ahead, just pile on. Pirates fans should be used to it by now.

It was pretty funny. But still.

It just shows to go you -- the Pirates are a laughingstock.

And so it continues ...

On this, the feast of St. Anthony of Padua, the Decline of Western Civilization continues ... well, okay, maybe not the decline of western civilization, but the long, dark decline of the Pittsburgh Pirates certainly continues.

With their loss in Detroit last night, the last-place Bucs have lost seven in a row and are a full 16 games under .500. It's only June 13, for crying out loud.

The Pittsburgh Crawfords uniforms the Pirates donned last night are cool, though. Now, if only the actual Pittsburgh Crawfords from the 1930s were wearing those uniforms, we'd be okay. With five future Hall of Famers, that was a great team.

This Pirates' roster is a joke, and the lineup insults baseball fans everywhere.

Never mind the point that Pedro Alvarez should be with the club already. What's the thinking behind Ryan Doumit getting work at first base? It seems pointless, unless they're showcasing his versatility and "position flexibility" for a possible trade? Steve Pearce will return soon, so what's the point of playing Doumit at first base? Doumit has looked uncomfortable and out of place there.

Doumit's error last night led to Detroit scoring the go-ahead run in the seventh inning. The Tribune-Review reports today that Doumit feels bad about the whole thing ...

"Ryan Doumit sat in his stall in the visiting clubhouse at Comerica Park and stared at the floor. True, first base isn't his usual position. but the Pirates' regular catcher wasn't going to use that as an excuse for his error that led to two runs in the seventh inning, giving the Detroit Tigers a one-run lead. And even though the winning run came on a Carlos Guillen homer in the 10th inning off Brendan Donnelly for a 4-3 victory, that didn't matter to Doumit.

"When you first start playing baseball, the first thing your dad and your coach tell you is, 'Keep your eye on the ball,' " Doumit said after the loss, the Pirates' seventh in a row to match a season low. "I just didn't keep my eye on the ball. Does this one (stink)? Yeah. Am I going to lose sleep over this? Yeah."

And so it goes.

This is no great surprise, but it's official -- Neal Huntington says Andy LaRoche will be a utility infielder when Pedro Alvarez is promoted next week (presumably).

How many futility infielders can one team have? The Pirates now have LaRoche, Bobby Crosby, Aki Iwamura and Delwynn Young. Perhaps they brought Neil Walker up with the expectation that he would be a utility player, but he's put a stranglehold on the second base job, thank heavens.

Bob Smizik writes that this is the worst Pirates team in 50 years, which probably is giving it too much credit (especially considering that 50 years ago, the Pirates fielded a world championship team that beat the Yankees -- which makes this year's club look all the worse by comparison).

In any case, the mid-1980s teams have to be in the discussion, but you might have go back much further: The 1953 team was worse, and one for the ages. This year's edition might be the worst since then.

Smizik makes some good points, including the following about the lineup in Friday night's game in Detroit:

"By the time Detroit closer Jose Valverde had struck out two in a 1-2-3 ninth, Ryan Church, the DH and No. 5 hitter, was batting .190. No. 7 hitter Aki Iwamura was at .178 and No. 9 hitter Jason Jaramillo .190. Add to that mix No. 6 hitter Lastings Milledge, who does not have a home run in 192 at bats this season, and it’s easy to see why the Pirates offense is the worst in MLB with 198 runs in 61 games."

The Pirates truly are a laughingstock. Oh, and by the way, the Pirates are a major league-worst 71-112 in interleague play. Jeff Karstens vs. Armando "Almost Perfect" Gallaraga today. What could possibly go wrong?

Just a few words ...

As far as Ben Roethlisberger is concerned, the less said the better at this point.

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls are so disgusted with Roethlisberger, we don't have much to say about him. We'd just as soon hear even less from him.

Roethlisberger has returned to team activities and, last week, conducted his first interviews in his first fledgling PR attempts to refresh his image. Talk about trying to polish a turd.

The NFL Network showed brief excerpts from Roethlisberger's sit-down with KDKA-TV's Bob Pompeani.

In the brief clip, Roethlisberger ...

• Talks about himself in the third person -- which admittedly is not the worst thing in the world -- not like being a serial rapist or anything like that -- but it's irritating all the same. It indicates an elevated sense of self-importance and an exaggerated sense of self-entitlement. That's the kind of attitude that has gotten Roethlisberger despised, with a horrible reputation among bartenders, restaurant servers and "little people" all across Pittsburgh, as was detailed in the Sports Illustrated cover story, among other places. More significantly, it's the kind of attitude that got him into trouble in the first place -- into real trouble with the law and in the court of public opinion.

• Roethlisberger said, "Nobody can question my commitment to being the best player I can be on the field." The counterpoint is that several of his own teammates and coaches have questioned his commitment to on-field performance and self-improvement as a player ever since Roethlisberger came into the NFL. This has been documented in print and broadcast media, including the recent "Beyond the Lines" segment on ESPN. For him to make such a statement indicates a level of denial that shows he just doesn't get "it" -- and isn't willing to see it.

• Denies he's ever had a problem with alcohol. This is serious denial. In response to a question from Bob Pompeani, Roethlisberger said verbatim, "I have never had a problem with alcohol." When he said that, the alarm bells went off: "Ding-ding-ding!!!"
  

• The counterpoint here is that, "Ben, uh, dude, apparently you do have or the least have had a problem with alcohol. You drank like a champion, just like the tee-shirt in that photo says. You got into trouble when you were drinking. You put yourself in bad situations when you were drinking. You acted reprehensibly when you were drinking. And you created problems for yourself and others when you were drinking. So, yeah, you have had a problem with alcohol, and for you to deny you ever did indicates that you probably still do have a problem with alcohol."
  

• So, in point of fact, for Roethlisberger to say he's "never had a problem with alcohol" indicates a fairly serious level of denial on a whole 'nother level than talking about himself in the third person or claiming nobody can question his level of commitment on the football field.

All this doesn't really amount to much. These statements of his raise red flags, however, that indicate Roethlisberger still doesn't "get it."

If the light fails to go on, Roethlisberger will get in trouble again. And then it'll all be over.

As far as we're concerned, he's still a douchebag. If he thinks this little PR campaign will be accomplished by giving a couple of softball interview with local friendlies, well ... he just doesn't get it. Still.

There may be darker days ahead.

The Pirates are absurd, ridiculous, disgusting, disturbing, humiliating, offensive and insulting.

The Pirates' lineup last night in Detroit was absurd.

Well, the Pirates' lineup 'most every night is absurd, but that's beside the point.

With the opportunity to have super-prospect Pedro Alvarez in the lineup screaming at them, who did the Pirates insert in the lineup at designated hitter?

Ryan Church.

That's all that needs to be said. They deserved to lose.

They -- Neal Huntington, John Russell, Frank Coonelly, Bob Nutting; i.e., the Pirates management team -- they are beating themselves.

By keeping Alvarez at Indianapolis even one more day, the Pirates are doing themselves and Alvarez a major disservice, and they are insulting the fans.

They are insulting the fans.

Not that they care.

What do they think we are, stupid? Okay, don't answer that.

Church is batting .190!

Last night, predictably, Church went oh-for-four. As designated hitter.

Last night's lineup also included Lastings Milledge in left, Aki Iwamura at second, Ryan Doumit at first and Ryan Church at DH.

Milledge, Iwamura and Doumit can't field, and Church can't hit.

Additionally, for some reason, manager John Russell shifted Neil Walker from second base -- where he'd been playing extremely well and settling in very nicely -- to start at third in place of the slumping Andy LaRoche. Walker is still learning to play second, however, and there is no future on this team for Iwamura, whose natural position, by the way, is third base, so it would have been better to leave Walker at second.

Meanwhile, Delwynn Young -- who has "DH" written all over him -- sat on the the bench. Young, who offers a left-handed bat, would have made sense at DH against the right-handed Justin Verlander, but no. Ryan Church was the DH.

If the left-handed hitting Church had to the be in the lineup, it should have been in left field, instead of the right-handed Lastings Milledge, with Young at DH.

As noted on this blog several times, Lasting Milledge can barely play defense. Ryan Church is a better defensive outfielder, but neither he nor Milledge can hit.

This team that Neal Huntington constructed is a bunch of spare parts, misfits, role players, bench players, utility players, has-beens and never-was wannabes.

Ryan Church, batting .190, at DH. That says it all.

Meanwhile, Pedro Alvarez toils on for the Indianapolis Indians. Awful thought here, but what if he gets hurt this weekend? ... playing for the Indianapolis Indians?

Imagine the hue and cry. Neal Huntington would have to snake out of town. Maybe he should, anyway.

The the whole thing is absurd, ridiculous, disgusting, disturbing, humiliating, offensive and insulting.

Not to be redundant. It just is.

It Was 40 Years Ago Today: Dock Ellis In The Sky With Diamonds

"One time I covered first base, and I caught the ball and I tagged the base, all in one motion and I said, "Oh, I just made a touchdown."

-- Dock Ellis

You Tube Video / No Mas Presents:

Dock Ellis and the LSD No-No

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Transcript:

Dock Ellis in His Own Words

on Weekend America, American Public Media

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From MLB Fanhouse:

Forty Years Later, Time to Celebrate Dock Ellis' LSD No-Hitter

The 40-year anniversary of Dock Ellis' no-hitter, famously pitched while he was on LSD, falls on Saturday, June 12. In honor of one of the most astonishing feats in baseball history, and the release of Big Hair and Plastic Grass: A Funky Ride Through Baseball and America in the Swinging '70s by Dan Epstein, we bring you an excerpt from the book on Ellis:

Bowie Kuhn may have been appalled by Ball Four's tales of groupies and greenies, but the commissioner would have suffered a total cardiac if he'd realized what Dock Ellis was up to.

With the counterculture still on the rise in the wake of Woodstock, it was only a matter of time before it infiltrated the world between the foul lines -- and as befit a man whose name could be written out on a scorecard as "Ellis, D," the 25-year- old Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher loved nothing better than to spend his off-days tripping on acid in his psychedelically decorated basement while cranking Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, and Iron Butterfly. But on the afternoon of June 12, 1970, just as his latest tab of Purple Haze was beginning to kick in, Ellis realized that he was actually supposed to be pitching in a few hours, in a ballpark 120 miles away.

The strange saga of Dock Ellis' LSD no-hitter actually began two days earlier, on Wednesday, June 10. The Pirates had just finished a series with the Giants in San Francisco and flown down to San Diego, where their four-game series against the Padres was scheduled to commence that Friday. A native of Los Angeles, Ellis decided to take advantage of his day off by dropping acid, renting a car and driving up to L.A. (apparently in that order) to see some pals. They spent Wednesday night smoking weed and drinking screwdrivers until the sun came up, whereupon Ellis finally crashed. Upon awakening, Ellis dropped another tab of acid; after all, he reasoned, he wasn't slated to pitch again until Friday. Unfortunately, as one of his friends soon informed him, it was Friday -- Ellis had completely slept through Thursday.

Somehow, Ellis' friend -- who also happened to be tripping -- managed to get the pitcher to LAX, where he caught a shuttle flight to San Diego. Arriving at the park about 90 minutes before first pitch, he popped several Benzedrine "white crosses" to try to even things out, and went to warm up in the bullpen.

Speaking to poet Donald Hall for his book, Dock Ellis in the Country of Baseball, Ellis recalled that the ball felt like a "very heavy volleyball," and that he figured he'd be lucky to last an inning.

Things got even weirder once he took the mound. The ball's size and weight kept changing, and at times Ellis couldn't make out his catcher, Jerry May, through the psychedelic fog -- but as long as Ellis could still see the reflective tape on May's fingers, he knew more or less where May's mitt would be.

For much of the game, Ellis had no idea what the score was, how many outs had been recorded, or how many runners were on base. He was wild, walking eight batters and hitting one, and the Padres -- who noticed that Ellis seemed oddly uninterested in holding runners at first -- stole three bases off him.

All Ellis cared about was throwing the ball "down the multi-colored path" to May. Baseball superstition dictates that whenever a pitcher is in the process of throwing a no-hitter, his teammates must refrain from speaking to him in the dugout, lest they jinx his effort. Ellis, completely unaware that he was racking up consecutive hitless innings, mistook his teammates' respectful distance for silent disapproval of his acid-fried state.

To combat his encroaching paranoia, he concentrated on painstakingly removing the mud from his cleats with a tongue depressor, and avoided any eye contact with the Pirates' players or coaches. Some sources claim that Pirates rookie Dave Cash committed a major faux pas by blithely informing Ellis halfway through the game that he was working on a no-hitter; others have said Ellis turned to Cash in the seventh and tempted fate with a shout of, "Hey look, I've got a no-no going!"

What's certain is that Ellis' concentration grew more laserlike as the game went on; after Willie Stargell put him up 2-0 in the seventh with his second solo shot off Padres pitcher Dave Roberts, Ellis allowed only one more baserunner over the three final innings. With two outs in the ninth, Ellis caught Padres pinch hitter Ed Spiezio looking on a 3-2 pitch, and baseball's only LSD-assisted no-hitter was in the bag, man.

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Excerpted from "Big Hair and Plastic Grass" by Dan Epstein. Copyright © 2010 by the author and reprinted by permission of Thomas Dunne Books, an imprint of St. Martin's Press, LLC.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Historically true to form and predictably enough, the Pirates are in full June Swoon mode.

The Pirates are in last place, 14 games under .500 and spiraling fast. They've lost five straight and are 3-11 in their in their last 14 games.

Tonight, they begin interleague play, which has been an abysmal sinkhole for the franchise. Since interleague play began, they're the worst at it. So, even as they continue on a pace to lose 108 games, it might get worse from here on out.

Like Pirates fans everywhere, we've been asking -- pleading -- what is management waiting for? Why are they waiting to call up Pedro Alvarez? One possible answer -- ugly and disturbing as it may be -- is raised by the Post-Gazette's Bob Smizik this morning:

"The Pirates are looking for a PNC Park debut for Alvarez and the additional ticket sales that would mean. ... what other explanation is there for Alvarez still playing at Indianapolis?"

That notion is so ridiculous and absurd that it never occurred to Joey Porter's Pit Bulls, naive as we are. It rings true, however, and it is so-o-o-o Pirates.

They're keeping Alvarez in Indianapolis so they can sell tickets for his major league debut at PNC Park.

Yeah, probably.

That's the only conclusion that makes sense, though it makes no sense at all in the pure baseball sense. Otherwise, he would be on a plane to Detroit and in the starting lineup at third base tonight against the Tigers. He's done more than enough in AAA, as Smizik points out:

"Alvarez is tearing up the International League. He drove in 30 runs last month. He’s hitting over .400 this month. The problem he had with left-handed pitching earlier in the season has disappeared. He was batting .322 against lefties before last night. He was third in home runs and RBIs in the International League.

"What makes it all the more obvious that the Pirates should recall Alvarez is the almost total lack of production they’re receiving from current third baseman Andy LaRoche.

After an excellent start, LaRoche has been abysmal. Since April 28, he’s batting .175 (21 for 120). He’s driven in seven runs during that span and has hit one homer -- on May 4. There is no reason for the Pirates to continue to play him with Alvarez waiting.

"Just about anyone would be an upgrade over LaRoche, but Alvarez has the potential to be a major middle-of-the-lineup force for the Pirates. That's why they took him with the second pick in the 2008 draft. That's why they paid him a $6 million bonus to sign. He has the look of a 3-4-5 hitter. With the Pirates, he could start off hitting sixth, behind Andrew McCutchen, Garrett Jones and Ryan Doumit, to lessen some of the pressure on him."