This is Whose Country?

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls have been struggling a bit, lately, trying to understand just why John Mellencamp’s song, “Our Country,” for the current series of Chevy Truck commercials is so annoying. Based on what we’ve been reading on many of the more popular sports-related blogs, others in the blogosphere share our sentiment.

Do we have anything against Chevy Trucks? Not really. But the song itself, and the accompanying video in all the commercials, is extremely irritating. Why?

Maybe it’s because the commercials seem to appear during every single break in action during NFL games. That may be our imagination, but the frequency with which they appear is way, way over the top. Secondly, the song itself isn’t that good. Some words come to mind:

Contrived: The song reeks of having been contrived specifically to shill for GM while simultaneously promoting Mellencamp’s faltering career.

Trite: “Our Country” panders in the worst way to base sentiment. Insipid. Ugh:

I can stand beside
Things I think are right
And I can stand beside
The idea of stand and fight

Bombastic: Its anthemic pretensions are comical. The song is more jingle than anthem:

There's room enough here
For science to live

Question: What the fuck is that? Answer: Lame lyrics.

Cloying: The repetitive refrain. I mean, come on, over and over and over, gimme a break …

From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
Back home
This is our country

Frankly, Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls don’t need John Fucking Mellencamp to tell us this is our country. But we can’t help but wonder what some others might think when they see these commercials: How about illegal immigrants? The Rev. Ted Haggard? Deposed Senator Rick Santorum? Inmates in federal penitentiaries?

And the ones that run this land
Will help the poor and common man

Yeah, right. You just keep telling yourself that, asswipe. The ones that run this land? Like GM? Or aging, pretentious rock stars?

Annoying twit.

Interpreting Post-Game Comments

The Insomniac's Lounge does a nice job translating post-game comments from various players and coaches around the league.

We're Confused

Thanks to The Burgh Blog for pointing out this interview with Joey Porter.

Good Ju-Ju

“Soul is the ability to make people feel better, no matter their situation.”
-- Wynton Marsalis, on the late Ed Bradley of CBS’s 60 Minutes

Well, Willie Parker, thank you for making Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls and Steelers fans everywhere feel a little better. Yes we can-can: Twenty-two rushes, 213 yards and two touchdowns. Best running back on the field. Congratulations.

The best receiver on the field was the Saints’ Marques Colston. Ten catches, 169 yards. Three drops, but still. As noted in a previous post, how did the Steelers’ scouts miss this guy?

Other kudos:

Congrats to Drew Brees, who played a tremendous game and, now that his mother, Mina Brees, lost the race for the Third Circuit Court of Appeals in Texas, no longer has to worry about his image being used against his wishes in electoral campaign ads.

A one-fingered salute to Chris Gardocki for continuing to suck.

Congratulations to Ryan Clark for two fumble recoveries.

Congratulations to Troy Polamalu for continuing his history of concussions. Get better, Troy.

Kudos to Steelers defensive ends Aaron Smith and Brett Keisel, who were beasts.

And a big “fuck you” to John Mellencamp:

“From the East Coast to the West Coast,
From the Dixie Highway to … Cleveland?
This is our country.”

Whose country?

More thoughts on this later.

Saints Be Praised

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls are perplexed. The Steelers are 2-6, and the Saints are 6-2. So, who’s favored? Well, the Steelers, of course! By 4½ points, for cryin’ out loud.

We don’t get it. The Steelers have given no indication they can beat the Morningside Bulldogs, let alone a decent team like the Saints. The Saints are no fluke. On offense, the totally rebuilt offensive line has held together, and the Saints have five big-time skill position players: Drew Brees, Deuce McAllister, Joe Horn, Marques Holston and Reggie Bush. Expect to see lots of spread formations and swing passes to put Bush out in space, in the open field (hey! … there’s an idea -- maybe the Steelers could do something similar with Willie Parker!).

The Saints’ defense has played pretty well, too, as have the special teams (oh-oh!)

Prediction? We have no clue. See the post below.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Place Your Bets

Take it from one who knows. Betting on football is bad business. Except for the bookies and casinos.

There’s a reason why bookies drive Caddies and bettors drive Chevvies, if not Chevy trucks (fuck you, Mellencamp). This, from a guy who watched a bet that was “won” go maddeningly bad … and ended up losing money on the infamous Cal-Stanford game that ended with a football being spiked in one of the many tubas on the field. Yeah, that game. Which made me a loser for all eternity and the reason I quit betting football some years ago.

But that shouldn’t deter you.

So, let’s make a bet: Will the Stanford football Cardinal win a game this year? Stanford currently stands at 0-9. Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls are interested in Stanford’s fortunes this year because the Coach Death Watch is on. And the head coach at Stanford is Walt Harris, the arrogant prick who formerly coached the Pitt Panthers.

At Pitt, he built a finesse team with undersized lines on both sides of the ball, which Dave Wannstedt inherited, a team that continues to wilt under pressure from football powers such as, oh, shall we say, South Florida (?!)

So, even if Stanford does manage to win a game this year, Walt “Offensive Genius” Harris is almost certain to be fired immediately after the season, if not sooner.

Wanna bet on it eactly when that will happen?

Curtains for the Steelers?

Here's a good article from the New Orleans Times-Picayune.

Deuce vs. Duce

It’s kind of like Mad magazine’s Spy vs. Spy cartoon series … or not.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls wanted to title this post, “A Tale of Two Deuces” (“Duces”?) or “Deuces Wild” (“Duces Wild”??), but Spelling Integrity sat on our collective shoulders and frowned disapprovingly.

Anyway, it’s unfair at this point to do a Deuce McAllister vs. Duce Staley comparison -- so let’s get right to it.

Let’s see, Deuce McAllister is a badass; a gasher (love that word), but able to run tough, between the tackles. Not at all deterred by the arrival of Reggie Bush, he of the “hot sauce” ankle and -5 rushing yards last week.

Duce Staley? The Velveteen (?) sweatsuit with fleece lining that he wears on the sideline looks cushy. Hmmm, Joey Porter’s Pitt Bulls wonder if he uses Big Ben's BBQ Sauce instead of Reggie Bush’s hot sauce … What is Velveteen anyway? Kind of cheesy, like Velveeta? We dunno.

Questions to Ponder

As the New Orleans Saints prepare to visit Pittsburgh for this week’s hair-pull contest with Troy Polamalu and the Pittsburgh Steelers, a number of questions bear pondering, if not discussion:

Will Mina Brees contest the election results
for the Third Court of Appeals in Texas?

Will Joe Horn bring his cell phone?

Will Reggie Bush get some extra “hot sauce” for that ailing ankle?

Will Deuce McAllister outplay Duce Staley?

Will the three rivers flood?

Will Katrina and the Waves sing the national anthem?

Will the Saints come marching in?

Here Come the Saints

The New Orleans Saints visit Heinz Field on Sunday, and the Steelers are looking for redemption, if not Divine Intervention.

Of course, when the schedule was drawn up, this game looked like an easy win for the Steelers. The Saints, coming off a 3-13 record last season, were in full-blown rebuilding mode with a new coaching staff, a new quarterback, an entirely new offensive line (and how often does that happen?), an entirely new linebacking corps, and one extremely talented rookie poised to make a big impact.

No, not Reggie Bush. Well, besides him.

The rookie making the biggest impact for the Saints -- and maybe in the NFL -- is wide receiver Marques Colston. Drafted in the seventh round out of Hofstra, Colston so far has contributed seven touchdowns (!) and 44 catches for 700 yards ... the exact same number of total yards racked up by Reggie Bush. Colston has been impressive, to say the least. He's big (6'4", 230), fast and rangy. And he plays with a poise that belies his inexperience.

Question: Didn't the Steelers notice this guy when they were viewing Hosfstra game film while scouting tackle Willie Colon, whom they drafted in the fourth round? I mean, what if? Colston sure would look good in Black 'n Gold. What?! Those are the Saints' colors, too? Damn. I hate being colorblind.

All Hail The Mighty MJD!

The Mighty MJD is way more entertaining:

“What poses a greater problem for the NFL? Protecting Jerramy Stevens’ coin purse, or Joey Porter threatening to OJ an official on the field of play?”

Groundhog, er, Election Day

Joey Porter’s pit bulls did their civic duty and voted today … just not for the mother of New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees, who seems like a fine fellow. We wish him a speedy recovery following Sunday’s game against the Steelers at Heinz Field.

You’ve probably heard about his mother, who is running for office in Texas (surprised?). She was using Drew’s image in her campaign ads, despite their having a “nonexistent” relationship for the past six years.

According to the Austin American-Statesman, “Drew Brees said that when he heard about the spots, he called his mother and asked her to stop them. She did not return his calls or stop using his image, he said, and his agent sent her a letter Oct. 20 threatening legal action.”

Another example of democracy in action. Now, if we could only get it to work as well in Iraq.

Not Happy

Joey Porter’s pit bulls are not happy today. No sirreee. Not at all. Not with Peezy, who didn’t show up (again). Not with Ike Taylor, who is now, officially, Javon Walker’s biaatch. Not with Deshea, who got old, all of a sudden, to compound being short. Not with Cedric "Not Entertaining" Wilson, who doesn't know which hand carries the ball whan running along the sideline (hint: it's the one closest to the sideline, dipshit). Not with the turf at Heinz Field, and when are they gonna fix that? And not happy, no, not at all, with two and six.

And Joey Porter? Hey! I’m talking to you!! If you’re going to get fined $15,000 — and that’s $15K less raw meat for the pit bulls, asswipe — at least get fined for something more interesting than mouthing off to the officials. Unless, that is, you want to release the transcript. Which, since we are Joey Porter’s pit bulls, we have:

“Awwhhh, dog! Hell the fuck no! Fuck that!!! I said, fuck that! And your ol’ lady, but I already done her, ‘n yo’ mama!!!”

Shee-it, you get fined $15K for that? You slippin, dude.

Watching this game reminded me of the masochistic Jehova's Witness ... He kept slamming the door in his own face.

Oh. And in case you didn't know already: "This is our country." Mellenfuck.

Welcome ... or not

Welcome to Joey Porter's Pit Bulls. If you didn't know already, they killed a horse. Sure, it was a miniature horse, but that makes it even better.

I was tempted to name this blog “Lil’ Angry,” the nickname for former Pirates outfielder and current Cubs coach Gene Clines. Bob Prince (aka "The Gunner"), the late, great Pirates' announcer, named Clines "Lil' Angry" for his style of play, which evoked an ebbing, barely contained fury. Lil' Angry was last seen in a Cubs uniform, however, so fuck 'im. I still kinda like his nickname, though, because,well, I'm just a little angry ... pretty much all the time. Kinda like Joey Porter's pit bulls.

My priorities and interests may explain this, as I am a lifelong fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates (14 consecutive losing seasons and counting) and Steelers (with a record of 2-5 as of this writing).

If and when I post entries to this blog, they’ll probably be pretty lame but cover sports, mostly, and also some politics, music and urban culture stuff. We’ll see if I stay interested, and whether anybody else is, too. If not, we can always turn loose Joey Porter’s pit bulls.